Post by sdfkjgh on Dec 19, 2019 23:46:34 GMT
Ok, I’m all rested from Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday with family at a Marina Del Rey beachfront property1 where almost nothing worked properly, and I was stuck with my uncle in the ONLY bedroom without a proper desk or walk-in closet. But, it wasn’t all bad. I managed to dig a hole about 7’ deep, using not much more than a broken beachpale, so I got that going for me.2 While I was in my hole, I’m pretty sure I actually managed to meditate for the first time in my life. I was quite peaceful down there. Aside from the odd helicopter flyby, the loudest thing was the sound of the sand spilling into the hole. If I ever get back to a sandy beach to dig again, I’m bringing some really sturdy-handled kitchen pots, because those would make the best digging tools.
Anyway, now that I’ve dug myself into a hole linguistically and contextually, it’s time I dug myself out of this hole I dug myself Magically, because it’s the home stretch of No Reservations II! List and recap:
- 68 cards stay on The Reserved List.
- 234 cards get reprinted in Standard.
- 74 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets.
153 cards that should’ve been prevented from ever having despoiled the timestream.- Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
10 cards have been retroactively added to the list of cards that should’ve been prevented from ever having despoiled the timestream.
BSQ: 472/540, or 87.{bar}407%.
For this final push through Urza block, since there’s 41 cards total, I’m taking the entire block as one part, split 11, 10, 10, 10. Time to push on through.
Urza block
{Oh good, an easy one to start, ease myself back into it.}
Argothian Wurm 235
Price5
If any of you reading this series6 are playing a drinking game along with it67, I’m tempted to count the subset “Cards with a colorshifted version from Planar Chaos” as double.Hey, they’re already dead, why not pile on even MOAR shots? EDITOR’S NOTE: Please do not engage in drinking games while reading this series. MagicSetEditor makes no claims of legal responsibilities for any dumbass things either this column’s writer or its readers may or may not do. Offer not valid in Manitoba. Void where prohibited. U.S.D.A. selected. FDIC approved.
The whole concept of Listing Argothian Wurm is just about as laughable as you can get, as Urza block was if not the most broken block in the game’s history, then certainly the first time the entire design and development team was called into the president’s office to be yelled at for fucking up so badly, and it had absolutely nothing to do with this piece of junk. It was a craprare back then, it was a craprare during Time Spiral block Standard as Thrashing Wumpus, and they’re both still craprares now, and prolly forever.
Argothian Wurm 235
Price5
{Planar Chaos did more to expose the utter bullshit of The Reserved List than anything else, before or since.}
It’s literally the exact same card, just in a different, more suitable color for the mechanic!
Price
It’s literally the exact same card, just in a different, more suitable color for the mechanic!
Price
If any of you reading this series6 are playing a drinking game along with it67, I’m tempted to count the subset “Cards with a colorshifted version from Planar Chaos” as double.
The whole concept of Listing Argothian Wurm is just about as laughable as you can get, as Urza block was if not the most broken block in the game’s history, then certainly the first time the entire design and development team was called into the president’s office to be yelled at for fucking up so badly, and it had absolutely nothing to do with this piece of junk. It was a craprare back then, it was a craprare during Time Spiral block Standard as Thrashing Wumpus, and they’re both still craprares now, and prolly forever.
{Perennial Third Place, “Worst Dad in MtG Lore”, always losing to (you guessed it) Urza and Lord Konda.After having read the Cliff’s Notes of the lore on the character, I’ve come to realize that the joke doesn’t really fit, but I find it too amusing to cut.}
Barrin, Master Wizard 698
Price
Barrin, Master Wizard is 100% a shenannygoats engine, and has absolutely no other purpose. There’s no reason, good, bad, or otherwise, to take him off The List.
Barrin, Master Wizard 698
Price
Barrin, Master Wizard is 100% a shenannygoats engine, and has absolutely no other purpose. There’s no reason, good, bad, or otherwise, to take him off The List.
{Oh look, a Deadly Insect that doesn’t just die to LITERALLY EVERYTHING!!!}
Citanul Centaurs 236, downgraded from
to 
.
Price9
Citanul Centaurs: I cost a total of
across two turns.
Kodama of the North Tree: 神の笑い.10
Citanul Centaurs 236, downgraded from
to .Price9
Citanul Centaurs: I cost a total of
across two turns.Kodama of the North Tree: 神の笑い.10
{*Five minutes of riotous laughter* No. Fuck no. Not even close!}
Gaea’s Cradle 70
Price
Growing Rites of Itlimoc is how to do this idea right. Tolarian Academy is how to almost completely destroy the game. Serra’s Sanctum, while yet to break anything major, is still just asking for trouble.
Gaea’s Cradle 70
Price
Growing Rites of Itlimoc is how to do this idea right. Tolarian Academy is how to almost completely destroy the game. Serra’s Sanctum, while yet to break anything major, is still just asking for trouble.
{’Tis the Season of Giving, after all.}
Gilded Drake 237
Price (Another $3-$6 card hiding behind a $300 price tag.)
Ok, ignore the weird “This ability still resolves if its target becomes illegal.” wording on Gilded Drake for now, as it’s clear they weren’t quite sure how to properly do cheature exchanging at the time. Since then, the rules and templating have been codified and standardized such that they actually work how you’d expect them to, which is good, because Perplexing Chimera is just about my limit for controlling fuckery shenannygoats.
On a related note, I’m fairly certain that as a 3/3, Gilded Drake at least partly inspired, or at least progenerated, Oko, so we all know who to blame.
Gilded Drake 237
Price (Another $3-$6 card hiding behind a $300 price tag.)
{You get a gift! And you get a gift! And Gnarl gets a gifty!11}
Gift exchange is second line on the left, after the line for the Fad Must-Have Gifts of Seasons’ Past.
Gift exchange is second line on the left, after the line for the Fad Must-Have Gifts of Seasons’ Past.
Ok, ignore the weird “This ability still resolves if its target becomes illegal.” wording on Gilded Drake for now, as it’s clear they weren’t quite sure how to properly do cheature exchanging at the time. Since then, the rules and templating have been codified and standardized such that they actually work how you’d expect them to, which is good, because Perplexing Chimera is just about my limit for controlling fuckery shenannygoats.
On a related note, I’m fairly certain that as a 3/3, Gilded Drake at least partly inspired, or at least progenerated, Oko, so we all know who to blame.
{The “free” mechanic is such an inherently broken one, it’s been publicly denounced by its creators as a mistake.}
Great Whale 71
Price
MaRo said that when they were first designing the “free” mechanic, they had a choice of either adding the mana spent to pay for it back into your mana pool12, or untapping lands equal to the cmc. He’s gone on record that they chose poorly. It’s not just that you had spells that untapped lands, but that you also had, in the same block, lands that tapped for more than just one mana.
The mechanic in and of itself, which came about via a mental rumination on cantrips, isn’t so bad, and is actually interesting design space. As evidenced by Unwind and the recent reprinting of Rewind, Wizards has shown that the “free” mechanic is perfectly fine in a reactionary context. However, when you’re netting a gain in mana, that’s where the game breaks down. This all would’ve been solved had they chosen to add the mana back to your pool (there’s that term again!) instead.
Great Whale 71
Price
MaRo said that when they were first designing the “free” mechanic, they had a choice of either adding the mana spent to pay for it back into your mana pool12, or untapping lands equal to the cmc. He’s gone on record that they chose poorly. It’s not just that you had spells that untapped lands, but that you also had, in the same block, lands that tapped for more than just one mana.
The mechanic in and of itself, which came about via a mental rumination on cantrips, isn’t so bad, and is actually interesting design space. As evidenced by Unwind and the recent reprinting of Rewind, Wizards has shown that the “free” mechanic is perfectly fine in a reactionary context. However, when you’re netting a gain in mana, that’s where the game breaks down. This all would’ve been solved had they chosen to add the mana back to your pool (there’s that term again!) instead.
{Seriously? Shit like this gets Listed, but Tinker’s A-Ok?!}
Herald of Serra 238, downgraded from to .
Price
In almost all cases, echo is a drawback mechanic, and unless the designer’s doing something crazy, no drawback mechanic should be the justification for an increase in rarity.
Herald of Serra 238, downgraded from
to .Price
In almost all cases, echo is a drawback mechanic, and unless the designer’s doing something crazy, no drawback mechanic should be the justification for an increase in rarity.
{Remember the days when this guy was just a doofy little pacifist, and not a horribly, game-breakingly oppressive planeswalker? Yeah, me neither. Pepperidge Farm remembers.}
Karn, Silver Golem 75
Price
Karn is a one-of-a-kind card, whose biggest non-story contribution to the game is being an absolute house when paired with Doran effects, a pairing that had to waitten nine years before it could actually happen! And now, pretty much every Standard gets a Doran effect, with every color but 
getting in on the act.
Karn is safe enough to be reprinted in Standard, but the Story constraints would be a little too great, especially given his current planeswalker status. Still, it would be doable, but the last time he was desparked, he nearly became the Father of Machines, and nobody wants that to happen again (unless Alison Luhrs were to use it during the inevitable return to Neil Patrick Harris to tell a really kickass, heartwrenching story of loss, betrayal, sacrifice, and redemption. You know, something she could do in her sleep, with both arms tied behind her back).
The fact that WotC actually already HAS reprinted Karn should be evidence enough for anyone of the bullshit of his Listed status.
Karn, Silver Golem 75
Price
Karn is a one-of-a-kind card, whose biggest non-story contribution to the game is being an absolute house when paired with Doran effects, a pairing that had to wait
getting in on the act.Karn is safe enough to be reprinted in Standard, but the Story constraints would be a little too great, especially given his current planeswalker status. Still, it would be doable, but the last time he was desparked, he nearly became the Father of Machines, and nobody wants that to happen again (unless Alison Luhrs were to use it during the inevitable return to Neil Patrick Harris to tell a really kickass, heartwrenching story of loss, betrayal, sacrifice, and redemption. You know, something she could do in her sleep, with both arms tied behind her back).
The fact that WotC actually already HAS reprinted Karn should be evidence enough for anyone of the bullshit of his Listed status.
{As Evan Erwin has said: “This is a card that either does nothing, or breaks the format. There’s no middle ground.”}
Lifeline 239, upgraded from to 
.
Price
So let’s see if it breaks something. I know it’s a powerful card. I also know that both the creature removal AND artifact removal options have gotten better and more plentiful in the intervening years, so there’s ways to deal with it if things get out of hand. So let’s give it a chance. It can’t be any worse than Aetherworks Marvel.
Lifeline 239, upgraded from
to .Price
So let’s see if it breaks something. I know it’s a powerful card. I also know that both the creature removal AND artifact removal options have gotten better and more plentiful in the intervening years, so there’s ways to deal with it if things get out of hand. So let’s give it a chance. It can’t be any worse than Aetherworks Marvel.
{They did NOT know how to do creatures or rarities properly back then.}
Lightning Dragon 240, downgraded from to .
Price
Lightning Dragon has a special place in Magic’s history, as it’s not only the first prerelease card to be offered in foil, it’s also the first card of any type to do so. However, at the end of the day, it’s still just a cheaper, smaller Shivan Dragon with a downside, and Shivan Dragon has never been good enough, no matter what countless generations of Timmies and Tammies might hope or think.
Lightning Dragon 240, downgraded from
to .Price
Lightning Dragon has a special place in Magic’s history, as it’s not only the first prerelease card to be offered in foil, it’s also the first card of any type to do so. However, at the end of the day, it’s still just a cheaper, smaller Shivan Dragon with a downside, and Shivan Dragon has never been good enough, no matter what countless generations of Timmies and Tammies might hope or think.
{Gather ‘round, children, for it’s storytime.}
Superman 241, kept at Vintage Masters’ rarity.
Price
So, years ago, back near the end of my stay at Valley College, there was this guy who came on the scene. You ever meet someone, and even though you’re sure you’ve never seen them before, you both immediately click as if you’ve known each other for decades? It was like that for me and Shawn, although I may have met him and been friends with him years before. I’m even less certain of my timeline of knowing him now than I was when I’m pretty sure I first met him at Valley College.
Anyway, most of the regulars there at the time did know him from before, and why not? He was a great guy. So, there was this party that we all were invited to, and Shawn and I were tasked with getting some supplies. This is one of my greatest and happiest memories. The two of us piled into his Jeep, and we were driving driving around, talking, laughing, when out of the blue, he turns to me and starts to say “If I go crazy...will you stil--”
“Stop right there, dude; I don’t even call you Superman NOW!”
This was back when When You Were Young was first released as a radio single, so near the end of the ride, we were caterwauling along to it at the top of our lungs, mostly just the “He doesn’t look a bit like Jesus” and “When you were young” lines. I don’t know about him, but it was certainly the first time I’d heard the song. Anyway, there’s more to the story of that party, but that’s not relevant to the column.
So, Superman has gone from the ludicrously OP, “Whoops, I sneezed an entire galaxy into nothingness!” lunacy of the Silver Age, to the more grounded “I’m still the closest thing to a god in humanoid form” of the Bronze and Modern Ages. Its reputation faded (especially with M10’s removal of combat damage from the stack), but never tarnished. Unfortunately for it, creatures have gotten better, with things like Carnage Tyrant being a prime example ofbetter, more interesting superheroes with better, more interesting powers than the standard Flying Brick better, more interesting creatures with better, more interesting, and less mana-intensive abilities.
Superman 241, kept at Vintage Masters’
rarity.Price
{The whole ‘ling crew}
Yes, even Greater Morphling. Un- sets representin’!
It’s an anagram for “I am Superman”.
Price
I’m sure there’s others I’m forgetting.
Price
Yes, even Greater Morphling. Un- sets representin’!
It’s an anagram for “I am Superman”.
Price
I’m sure there’s others I’m forgetting.
Price
So, years ago, back near the end of my stay at Valley College, there was this guy who came on the scene. You ever meet someone, and even though you’re sure you’ve never seen them before, you both immediately click as if you’ve known each other for decades? It was like that for me and Shawn, although I may have met him and been friends with him years before. I’m even less certain of my timeline of knowing him now than I was when I’m pretty sure I first met him at Valley College.
Anyway, most of the regulars there at the time did know him from before, and why not? He was a great guy. So, there was this party that we all were invited to, and Shawn and I were tasked with getting some supplies. This is one of my greatest and happiest memories. The two of us piled into his Jeep, and we were driving driving around, talking, laughing, when out of the blue, he turns to me and starts to say “If I go crazy...will you stil--”
“Stop right there, dude; I don’t even call you Superman NOW!”
This was back when When You Were Young was first released as a radio single, so near the end of the ride, we were caterwauling along to it at the top of our lungs, mostly just the “He doesn’t look a bit like Jesus” and “When you were young” lines. I don’t know about him, but it was certainly the first time I’d heard the song. Anyway, there’s more to the story of that party, but that’s not relevant to the column.
So, Superman has gone from the ludicrously OP, “Whoops, I sneezed an entire galaxy into nothingness!” lunacy of the Silver Age, to the more grounded “I’m still the closest thing to a god in humanoid form” of the Bronze and Modern Ages. Its reputation faded (especially with M10’s removal of combat damage from the stack), but never tarnished. Unfortunately for it, creatures have gotten better, with things like Carnage Tyrant being a prime example of
And that’s it for this episode. List and tally:
- 71 cards stay on The Reserved List.
- 241 cards get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Citanul Centaurs, Herald of Serra, & Lightning Dragon all downgraded from to ; and Lifeline upgraded from to .
- 75 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets.
153 cards that should’ve been prevented from ever having despoiled the timestream.- Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
10 cards have been retroactively added to the list of cards that should’ve been prevented from ever having despoiled the timestream.
BSQ: 480/551, or 87.11433756805808%. We always knew Urza block was gonna be the neutron source to The Reserved List’s nuclear-levels of bullshit, but will it be enough?
Tune in next time, same bat-time, same bat mitzvah! Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan, and we’ll see you next week.
{Footnotes}
| 1 | I mean like LITERAL beachfront: open the sliding glass door, and there’s only the concrete walkway separating your feet from the sand! |
| 0 | |
| 2 | A bit of an explanation I feel is needed here. When I was very young, I used to go to this daycamp during the summer, called VNSO. One time, we went to the beach3, where I did some usual beachy things for a few hours, but then, on coming back from the water, I saw something that changed my life forever. There was a crowd of people gathered around a massive hole, an almost perfect cylinder, about 6’ or 7’ in diameter, and close to 12’-20’ deep. At the bottom was a rather well-built blond shirtless guy with a beachpale, furiously scooping up sand and handing the bucket up to the eager onlookers around the edge, who would dump the sand and toss the bucket back down to him. I have no idea how long he was working at it, if the hole was already there and he just made it bigger, or anything beyond what little I myself witnessed. I like to think that he did it all himself, but my own experience has taught me that at those dimensions4, he’d have to’ve been digging for the better part of 36 hours or so, and he did NOT look even close to that tired at all. Mebbe the people around the hole worked in shifts. In any case, ever since that day, I’ve wanted to replicate that feat myself, just to be able to say “I did it.” This is complicated slightly by the fact that I so rarely get to the beach. |
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| 3 | Please don’t ask me which beach, as it was so long ago,and my sense of direction is faulty at best. |
| 0 | |
| 4 | 6’ diam. x 12’ depth cylinder≈1357.17 cubic feet of sand; 6’x20’≈2261.95 cubic feet. |
| 0 | |
| 5 | Ok, looks like Star City Games changed their website, so now it’s just a little bit harder to navigate. Since changing price sites during the series invalidates all prior pricing data, I’ll just hafta put up with it. But I sure as hell won’t like it. |
| 0 | |
| 6 | Oh god, why would you? |
| 0 | |
| 7 | Even if your choice of beverage was water, you’d be long dead from water toxemia by now… |
| 0 | |
| 8 |  |
| 0 | |
| 9 | Ok, it looks like I’ve found a suitable workaround for SCG’s new website. just gotta run it through microsoft edge (bleagh!), and keep the cardname within quotation marks. Groan! |
| 0 | |
| 10 | Translation: “Laughs in Kami.” |
| 0 | |
| 11 | www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Y5tgCBAvQ |
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| 12 | ”What’s a mana pool?” I hear my younger readers ask, from across time, yea, even beyond my death (here’s hoping this site lasts that long13)16, and to them I say: “First, ask an older player, possibly a relative who played at any time before Dominaria. If that doesn’t work, read an actual card from before Dominaria, then read the Comprehensive Rules, preferably a version from that period in time.17 Or, you could check this website, if the link still works.” |
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| 13 | Ral: With your eating, sleeping, cleanliness, hygiene, and exercise habits, I’d guess only 20 years, which isn’t all that long. Quiet, you. Teferi: No, no, he’s right. We’re kinda worried about you, man. Even if for some of us, that worry is purely selfish. Ral: Oh, like you wanna die any less than I do! Teferi: I’ve died before, at least twice, so I have the perspective of knowing that while his death will mean ours as well, that death will only be but one facet of characterization, peculiar to this small pool of readers. Plus, we’re about as non-canonical as a parent company saying “Screw the money of oppressive regimes, we have a loyal fanbase that we’ve built up over years of superb storytelling, and to retcon out sexualities and social mores that make new markets uncomfortable, just for the sake of a few more hundreds of millions of dollars would be a grave betrayal of those loyal customers we already have. It’s not worth it, and it’s not something we should ever do!” Ral: Oho, so mister above-it-all actually does have a red streak of passion in him this whole time! I never took you for the #GruurFriends5Evah type… Teferi: I’m sorry, but this just gets me so worked up. Ever since Niambi came out to me last year. Ral: You didn’t know? You can be pretty dense sometimes, you know that? Glad to have you as an ally, but we’ll talk later about the unfortunate implications of only becoming one once the issue relates to you personally. Teferi: Getting back to the matter at hand, would it kill you to exercise once in a while? And get back to a normal sleep schedule? I mean, look at you right now, as you’re typing this, it’s 11:16p Pacific Standard Time, 12/10/19, and you have yet to take your Seroquel. This column can wait. I just wanna get it done. And quit breaking the fourth wall, scaring the readers off. *Turns toward camera* Evening, all!14 |
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| 14 | 5:1615 |
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| 15 | Teferi: And look, what’s this, a footnote couched three deep into previous footnotes? You’re obviously starting to get a little loopy. Ral: I’d say the start was the moment he let us take over the column. Jesus christ, you’re right! Ral: Which, me or him? The both of you! Where the hell was I? Teferi: That’s be note 12, near the top of the previous page. You were about to go on a tangent about what’s a mana pool, but got rudely interrupted by someone just trying to save his own ass. Ral, before you object, I know you’re not the only one to blame, just as I know your heart was mostly in the right place in worrying about my health. Let’s just get back to what I was doing.12 |
| 0 | |
| 16 | SHIT!!! I forgot what I wanted to say. GODAMMIT! |
| 0 | |
| 17 | Boy, it’s really difficult thinking that far ahead into possible futures beyond one’s own death. Also, it looks like I’ve hopped back on my train of thought. Funny; usually, such ponderings on my own mortality would trigger a panic attack, but right now, I’m calmly fascinated by the mental exploration of the concept. I don’t even feel the need to crack a joke about it. |
, where they should've been from the very beginning.
and (b) we kind of hoped this might get others interested in starting columns of their own to maybe give the forum another angle at rising interest (even though this didn't really happen and we lost track of this when the migration started).
(I really hope you don't mind me talking about you in third person