Post by sdfkjgh on Jun 8, 2018 23:10:56 GMT
…So I says to the guy, “Officer,” I sez, “It’s patently absurd to label any one person ‘The Green River Killer’, as Green River is Body Dump, U.S.A. ‘Got a body needs disposing, no questions asked? Come to Green River, home of the hungriest fish in the Nation! Fishing strictly prohibited.’”
Ral: Behind you.
Our tally from last time:
• 37 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 42 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 16 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•32 why is this entry here? There’s nothing to report.
• And 1 card that should’ve been Listed, but wasn’t, for reasons.
Here we go with Legends part 4 of 6:
Oh dear GODS that ended rough! Tally, then I’m off to stagger away like a bombing survivor.
• 38 stay put.
• 44 cards reprinted fro Standard.
• 18 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•39 truly terrible ideas.
• And Dark Ritual added to The Reserved List, because YOU DON’T SUBVERT THE MANA SYSTEM!
This gives us a BSQ of 102/140, or 72.(857142)repeating%. We’re not even into the period when sets told a story yet, and the bullshit is almost at three quarters.
Thanks to Daij_Djan, without which this column would be nothing6.
Join us next week for the penultimate7 episode of Legends. Until then, bye!
Ral: Behind you.
Oh! Snooping as usual, I see! Well, you’re here now; we might as well get into it.
Our tally from last time:
• 37 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 42 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 16 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And 1 card that should’ve been Listed, but wasn’t, for reasons.
Here we go with Legends part 4 of 6:
{I guess in this case, Equilibrium translates as “Fuck you”.}
Land Equilibrium33
Price
Oh look, it’s our old fiend RepeatableLandDestruction, rearing its ugly head in the one color that should NEVER get LD! You’ll notice among the closest equivalents are, in order, a card that’s banned in Commander (but really, ALL multiplayer formats), an über-Johnny combo card that’s no fun to play against (trust me, I speak from experience), and a card that was meant to make the game fairer by providing a catch-up function, but was actually used, in conjunction with ways to sacrifice lands, as a way to further say “fuck you” to an opponent. Jennies, you know I love you, you’re my people, but you Spikes just can’t stop ruining everything!
I’ll give Land Equilibrium one thing, though: at least it’s upfront and honest with its intentions to surgically remove any and all fun from Magic, leaving the dying game to bleed out in the back alley, to cries of EXTRA! EXTRA! RIPPER STRIKES AGAIN!
Land Equilibrium
Price
Oh look, it’s our old fiend RepeatableLandDestruction, rearing its ugly head in the one color that should NEVER get LD! You’ll notice among the closest equivalents are, in order, a card that’s banned in Commander (but really, ALL multiplayer formats), an über-Johnny combo card that’s no fun to play against (trust me, I speak from experience), and a card that was meant to make the game fairer by providing a catch-up function, but was actually used, in conjunction with ways to sacrifice lands, as a way to further say “fuck you” to an opponent. Jennies, you know I love you, you’re my people, but you Spikes just can’t stop ruining everything!
I’ll give Land Equilibrium one thing, though: at least it’s upfront and honest with its intentions to surgically remove any and all fun from Magic, leaving the dying game to bleed out in the back alley, to cries of EXTRA! EXTRA! RIPPER STRIKES AGAIN!
{Mommy, please don’t put that dreamcatcher up! It’s scary, and it gives me nightmares!}
Life Matrix34
Price
Indestructible’s replaced regeneration
But here’s the relevant regeneration search anyway
Pay close attention to Asceticism, or even Heroic Intervention onna steeck.1 It’s weird when you have two cards, back-to-back, being send to the Isle of the Lotus-Eaters, but for the exact opposite reasons. Land Equilibrium is an obviously powerful, obviously game-breakingly unfun card; whereas Life Matrix requires
in two payments, one of which is restricted to the upkeep, all to provide a single regeneration shield to a single creature. Elixir of Vitality gives you a better rate.
Life Matrix
Price
Indestructible’s replaced regeneration
But here’s the relevant regeneration search anyway
Pay close attention to Asceticism, or even Heroic Intervention onna steeck.1 It’s weird when you have two cards, back-to-back, being send to the Isle of the Lotus-Eaters, but for the exact opposite reasons. Land Equilibrium is an obviously powerful, obviously game-breakingly unfun card; whereas Life Matrix requires
in two payments, one of which is restricted to the upkeep, all to provide a single regeneration shield to a single creature. Elixir of Vitality gives you a better rate.{Everyone bemoans power creep like it’s a new thing}
Lifeblood 43, downgraded from
to 
.
Price
Normally, if there’s a legal card that completely obsoletes a Listed card, I’d send the Listed card To The Cornfield (or The Farm, for you Boy and His Dog fans out there2). However, Lifeblood is right at that sweet spot of fringe-sideboard-playable and maybe just a little underpowered enough to be a good safety valve card vs. a hyper-aggressive,
-intensive format. At that excessively-slim Venn sliver, is perfect, as 
would be too much of an overreaction.
Lifeblood 43, downgraded from
to .Price
Normally, if there’s a legal card that completely obsoletes a Listed card, I’d send the Listed card To The Cornfield (or The Farm, for you Boy and His Dog fans out there2). However, Lifeblood is right at that sweet spot of fringe-sideboard-playable and maybe just a little underpowered enough to be a good safety valve card vs. a hyper-aggressive,
-intensive format. At that excessively-slim Venn sliver, is perfect, as would be too much of an overreaction.{I hate it when the OG of a staple effect has been Listed; each new printing of that effect is a tacit admission on WotC’s part that they were wrong to List it in the first placeHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I DIDN’T SEE THE “WORLD”!!!}
Living Plane35
Price
I’m gonna make you all a promise right now. Once Legends is done, I’ll post my Grime & Sunlight decklist over in Tosche Station. There, you’ll see what can be done with Life and Limb.
Living Plane, being a World Enchantment, gets sent straight to The Burn Pile. If it wasn’t a World Enchantment, it’d be Living Lands, a card with an absolutely vital pedigree. Fortunately, Living Lands isn’t Listed, which means we have nothing to fear. That just leaves the puzzling question of why the hell did they make a World Enchantment version of it?
Living Plane
Price
{Equivalencies}
Every single creatureland effect that Gatherer could find
Every single creatureland effect that Gatherer could find
I’m gonna make you all a promise right now. Once Legends is done, I’ll post my Grime & Sunlight decklist over in Tosche Station. There, you’ll see what can be done with Life and Limb.
Living Plane, being a World Enchantment, gets sent straight to The Burn Pile. If it wasn’t a World Enchantment, it’d be Living Lands, a card with an absolutely vital pedigree. Fortunately, Living Lands isn’t Listed, which means we have nothing to fear. That just leaves the puzzling question of why the hell did they make a World Enchantment version of it?
{First strike and unblockability is a complete nonbo}
Livonya Silone 17
Price
Yes, all landwalk abilities have been mothballed, as they were too all-or-nothing; either defending player had the appropriate permanent to turn on unblockability, in which case, they probably lost to the now-unblockable creature; or they didn’t, and play proceeded as normal. However, with all of the craziness that is Commander, it seems like Livonya Silone was designed for the format, rather than the other way around. It also helps that she’s one of the few legendary Legends whose stats are comparable to present-day.
Livonya Silone 17
Price
{Equivalencies}
Here’s all the 6 mana, 4/4 first strikers
And here’s the only other card with legendary landwalk
Here’s all the 6 mana, 4/4 first strikers
And here’s the only other card with legendary landwalk
Yes, all landwalk abilities have been mothballed, as they were too all-or-nothing; either defending player had the appropriate permanent to turn on unblockability, in which case, they probably lost to the now-unblockable creature; or they didn’t, and play proceeded as normal. However, with all of the craziness that is Commander, it seems like Livonya Silone was designed for the format, rather than the other way around. It also helps that she’s one of the few legendary Legends whose stats are comparable to present-day.
{I hate it when the OG of a staple effect has been Listed; each new printing of that effect is a tacit admission on WotC’s part that they were wrong to List it in the first place}
Mana Matrix 44
Price
Don’t worry, I checked this time; Mana Matrix is indeed the first cost-reducing card.
When we go back to Theros, Mana Matrix would be a perfect reprint, especially if they also include the heroic mechanic again3.
Mana Matrix 44
Price
Don’t worry, I checked this time; Mana Matrix is indeed the first cost-reducing card.
When we go back to Theros, Mana Matrix would be a perfect reprint
, especially if they also include the heroic mechanic again3.{No. Just fucking NO!}
Master of the Hunt36
Price
Both a much better card, and a much better execution of the trope itself.
Price
This is the trope to which I was referring.
As bad as banding is, someone thought that it’d be a good idea to make a further-restrictive version of it. Srsly. Master of the Hunt is the only creature to have bands with other (ok, its wolves have it), until Old Fogey, an obvious joke card. And, just in case bands with other got out of hand, you know, because they printed 5 do-nothing lands that grant it to their respective colored legendary creatures, they ALSO printed two cards that hosed bands with other! Because the bands with other meta was SOOOOO OP!
Everyone clamors for the repeal of The Reserved List & the reprinting of the Power 9. Meanwhile, over here in the deepest of the shit trenches of The List, we on the frontlines are getting bombarded by crap like this, with nary a hope of a poppy for a great long while. #RememberThoseWhoFought #NEVARFORGET
Master of the Hunt
Price
Both a much better card, and a much better execution of the trope itself.
Price
This is the trope to which I was referring.
As bad as banding is, someone thought that it’d be a good idea to make a further-restrictive version of it. Srsly. Master of the Hunt is the only creature to have bands with other (ok, its wolves have it), until Old Fogey, an obvious joke card. And, just in case bands with other got out of hand, you know, because they printed 5 do-nothing lands that grant it to their respective colored legendary creatures, they ALSO printed two cards that hosed bands with other! Because the bands with other meta was SOOOOO OP!
Everyone clamors for the repeal of The Reserved List & the reprinting of the Power 9. Meanwhile, over here in the deepest of the shit trenches of The List, we on the frontlines are getting bombarded by crap like this, with nary a hope of a poppy for a great long while. #RememberThoseWhoFought #NEVARFORGET
{Lay your graces down on me}
Mirror Universe 18
Price
Every card with the word “exchange”
For those of you wondering about the spoilertag. #WaxFang5EVA #NotJustMajestic Ok, fine!
Ral: Remember kids, it’s not an addiction if you’re ok with it!4
Anyway, Mirror Universe is the earliest non-ante card to have Gatherer text containing “exchange”. With the recent printing of Axis of Mortality, we have the version of the mechanic as it’s meant to be. It’s also…not all that great, honestly. Best in multiplayer, and guess what most supplemental sets are all about…
Mirror Universe 18
Price
Every card with the word “exchange”
For those of you wondering about the spoilertag. #WaxFang5EVA #NotJustMajestic Ok, fine!
Ral: Remember kids, it’s not an addiction if you’re ok with it!4
Anyway, Mirror Universe is the earliest non-ante card to have Gatherer text containing “exchange”. With the recent printing of Axis of Mortality, we have the version of the mechanic as it’s meant to be. It’s also…not all that great, honestly. Best in multiplayer, and guess what most supplemental sets are all about…
{I can’t think of anything funny to say}
Moat 38
Price
Anyone who’s ever played against Lantern Control knows how miserable it is5, and Moat is almost a supercharged Ensnaring Bridge5. MaRo has gone on record as saying that it should’ve just prevented you from being attacked by ground creatures, instead of preventing ALL ground creatures from attacking. If you want this exact effect, we’ve got a Magus for that, but I’m glad its progenitor isn’t allowed out.
This one could actually change to 19, if you catch me on a really good day. In fact, I think I argued for its supplemental reprinting the last time. But for now, it stays on The List.
Moat 38
Price
Anyone who’s ever played against Lantern Control knows how miserable it is5, and Moat is almost a supercharged Ensnaring Bridge5. MaRo has gone on record as saying that it should’ve just prevented you from being attacked by ground creatures, instead of preventing ALL ground creatures from attacking. If you want this exact effect, we’ve got a Magus for that, but I’m glad its progenitor isn’t allowed out.
This one could actually change to 19, if you catch me on a really good day. In fact, I think I argued for its supplemental reprinting the last time. But for now, it stays on The List.
{This thing is giving a bad name to toxic molds everywhere}
Mold Demon37
Price
Do I even need to say anything?
Mold Demon
Price
6/6 Gatherer could findDo I even need to say anything?
{Oh look, another horrible card by our favorite Nazi-sympathizing artist}
Nether Void38
Price
I wanna know who thought it was a good idea to make a Mana Leak that’s ALWAYS ON! And, to top it all off, it’s IN THE WRONG COLOR!! FUCKING WHY?!?!!? I don’t care that Mana Leak wouldn’t be released for another 4 years, this is a huge mistake of a card that should’ve never made it out of the brainstorming session, shot down with a “Wow, I guess there actually are bad ideas!”
Sphere of Resistance is one thing, but packing three of them into one card? NO! BAD DOG!! BAD!!!
This one is so terrible, I don’t even wanna show the prices of the equivalencies I just mentioned!
Nether Void
Price
I wanna know who thought it was a good idea to make a Mana Leak that’s ALWAYS ON! And, to top it all off, it’s IN THE WRONG COLOR!! FUCKING WHY?!?!!? I don’t care that Mana Leak wouldn’t be released for another 4 years, this is a huge mistake of a card that should’ve never made it out of the brainstorming session, shot down with a “Wow, I guess there actually are bad ideas!”
Sphere of Resistance is one thing, but packing three of them into one card? NO! BAD DOG!! BAD!!!
This one is so terrible, I don’t even wanna show the prices of the equivalencies I just mentioned!
{Sooo…many…bad…cards…sapping…will…to live! Damn…you,…Shatner!}
North Star39
Price
Just because something has a successful pedigree, doesn’t automatically mean I’ll let it off the hook
I want you all to take a moment to read the Gatherer comments for this card. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Done? Good. Then I’m done with this card.
North Star
Price
Just because something has a successful pedigree, doesn’t automatically mean I’ll let it off the hook
I want you all to take a moment to read the Gatherer comments for this card. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Done? Good. Then I’m done with this card.
Oh dear GODS that ended rough! Tally, then I’m off to stagger away like a bombing survivor.
• 38 stay put.
• 44 cards reprinted fro Standard.
• 18 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual added to The Reserved List, because YOU DON’T SUBVERT THE MANA SYSTEM!
This gives us a BSQ of 102/140, or 72.(857142)repeating%. We’re not even into the period when sets told a story yet, and the bullshit is almost at three quarters.
Thanks to Daij_Djan, without which this column would be nothing6.
Join us next week for the penultimate7 episode of Legends. Until then, bye!
{Footnotes}
| 1 | Isochron Scepter is fast shaping up to be my Jose Jalapeño. Onna steeck. |
| 2 | While Nash Bridges was still on the air, I had the idea for an episode that was one long homage to A Boy and His Dog. There’d be a case involving a dog that was the exact same breed as the one in the movie, and, possibly due to some head trauma, Nash would have auditory hallucinations of the dog talking to him throughout the episode. It never got past the idea phase. |
| 3 | Let’s face it, they’re about 99.999% obligated to bring back bestow. |
| 4 | This is actively bad advice. |
| 5 | #BanEnsnaringBridgeNAOW!!! |
| 6 | That might not be such a bad thing, considering the last three cards… |
| 7 | Oh gods, I needed a laugh like that! |
