Miscellaneous Card Design Thread

It's so nice to be recognized as the resident rabid Leftist.

Just had an interesting idea for an equip cost:

Equip--Sacrifice the creature to be equipped.

Some funky potentially bend-based ideas

Portent of Penance
Sorcery
Look at target opponent’s hand. You may exile a nonland card from it and put three time counters on it. It gains "At the beginning of its owner’s upkeep, they remove a time counter. When the last is removed, return that card to its owner's hand."
"Repentance is measured in many forms, but always demands time." - Animara, Time Wraith

Portent of Introspection
Sorcery
Scry 1, then manifest the top card of your library. Return that permanent to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.
"Empty your heart and mind, and in those last drops, find truth." - The Masked Electromancer

Portent of Recalibration
Sorcery
Return target artifact card with mana value 1 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.
"Forge it until it breaks. Then forge it one more time." - Urabrask, the Drifter

Portent of Yearning
Sorcery
Target player gains 5 life. At the beginning of their next upkeep, they lose 8 life.
"Drink not too deeply of your dreams, lest reality comes knocking." - Morgause

Portent of Escapism
Sorcery
Target creature becomes a colorless Forest land until end of turn.
"Judge not of your fellow citizens when you yourself harbor the same wild impulses." - Sla-tesh

The Ancient Craving 
Legendary Creature--Vampire Trilobite
Vigilance
Discard your hand: Until end of turn, The Ancient Craving gains deathtouch and deathtouch for planeswalkers and gets +1/+1 for each card discarded this way.
: The Ancient Craving fights target creature or planeswalker. (Planeswalkers fight using their current loyalty.)
Whenever a creature or planeswalker dealt damage by The Ancient Craving this turn dies, put a +1/+1 counter on The Ancient Craving.
When The Ancient Craving leaves the battlefield, you draw cards equal to its toughness, plus an additional card for each counter on it.
0/6

I woke up this morning before 6am (damn my mom's alarm clock, and damn my dad's genes for my brain waking me up before every alarm), having just finished designing this in my sleep:

Gregarion 
Enchantment Artifact Creature--Elemental Construct
If Gregarion would leave the battlefield, instead remove all damage from it, then create a token copy of it.
3/2

Thanks for the inspiration!



Time-Traveler’s Cat
Creature - Cat
Time-Traveler’s Cat has first strike as long as you scryed this turn.
Time-Traveler’s Cat gets +1/+0 for each card you own in exile.
Suspend 2—
1/2

Schlep 
Instant
Tap and exert target attacking creature you control and target untapped, nonattacking creature you control. When the attacking creature exerted this way deals its combat damage this combat, the nonattacking creature deals damage equal to its power to your choice of defending player, target creature or planeswalker that player controls, or target battle that player defends. (An exerted permanent won’t untap during your next untap step.)

The flavor is the attacking creature is also carrying the lazy, good for nothingnonattacking creature into enemy territory, for it to cause further damage, sort of like ninjutsu.



This nest one is inspired by some admittedly NSFW content; the card, however, is clean:

The Woods
Land--Forest
(: Add .)
The Woods enters the battlefield tapped.
Whenever one or more creatures attack you, a planeswalker you control, and/or a battle you defend, you may pay . If you do, exile The Woods, then return it to the battlefield transformed and flipped.
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The Spoom
Land--Mountain Forest Plains
(: Add , , or .)
The Spoom enters the battlefield tapped.
When The Spoom enters the battlefield, exile target attacking creature until The Spoom leaves the battlefield.





Ʇɥǝ SdooɯSo, I was gonna do the whole back side with upside down text, because flip, because the inspiring joke, but every single online text flipper doesn't actually flip the text, so much as rotate it 180°, so instead of p looking like b, it looks like d.  Just imagine the front face being right side up, and the back face being upside down.

Doldrums Fog 
Enchantment
Flash
Shroud
Vanishing 3 (This permanent enters the battlefield with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
Creatures can’t attack.
Activated abilities of planeswalkers can’t be activated.
Counters can’t be put on permanents, players, or spells.



Pemmin's Gift 
Enchantment--Aura
Enchant permanent
Flash
When you cast this spell, draw a card.
: Untap enchanted permanent.
: Add one mana of any type. This ability costs an additional to activate for each time it’s been activated this turn.

Mire's Spread 
Enchantment
You may play an additional basic Swamp during each of your turns.
Whenever you play an additional land, you lose life equal to the number of lands you control.

I think you technically could but the back adventure, on exile, would always revert the card to the front face. So you could never do back adventure -> back regular card,
but you could do front adventure -> front card, back adventure -> front card, or just front card or back card. (Someone correct me if I'm wrong.)

There's some interesting time paradox or tragic failed journey flavor here, I would take a shot at it.

Another one designed in my sleep:

Metathaumic Blast 
Instant
Choose one. If this spell is no longer legal in Standard, choose both instead—
• This spell deals 3 damage to any target. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
• Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain haste until end of turn.



Since it's costed to reflect what would happen if you got both modes, I think it'd be funny (and prolly what WotC'd actually do) if this never leaves Standard.  Considering the recent changes to rotation, that's already Step One down.  Imagine players clamoring for a card to stop being reprinted, so it can truly shine in Eternal formats.  Then again, four mana might be too much for Legacy & Vintage, at least for what it does.

Another designed in my sleep:

Kayla's Palimpsest
Legendary Artifact
: Remove a counter from target permanent, player, or card in exile. Then if this ability has been activated three or more times this turn, you may transform Kayla’s Palimpsest.
Whenever a nontoken creature enters the battlefield, untap Kayla’s Palimpsest.
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Ashnod's Journal
Legendary Artifact
, : Put a -1/-1 counter on target creature and draw a card.
Whenever a creature dies, untap Ashnod’s Journal.

Proliferating Dementia 
Legendary Enchantment
Flash
Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can’t cast spells or activate abilities that aren’t mana abilities.)
Proliferating Dementia enters the battlefield with X Lewy counters on it.
While a player is proliferating, that player must proliferate onto Proliferating Dementia.
Whenever a player proliferates, that player mills cards equal to the number of Lewy counters on Proliferating Dementia.
: You and X other target players proliferate.





Cavalier of the Blind Eternities 
Creature--Eldrazi Knight
First strike, vigilance, trample, aggressor, exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, that creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Annihilator X, where X is the number of nonattacking creatures you control. (Whenever this creature attacks, defending player sacrifices X permanents.)
7/7

And with this, the Eldrazi enter their own Age of Chivalry.  Mebbe in a few short millennia they'll learn how to split the atom, and then, watch out, for there will DEFINITELY be an Eldrazi Oppenheimer!

I think the only thing that's too far about it is the first two lines, tbh, switching them for "This can't be countered" would make this printable in Standard. I'd even expand it to include Battles as things stand.