Post by sdfkjgh on Jan 10, 2019 23:12:46 GMT
Maestro, some mood music.
The morning that I wrote this, I woke up from a dream where Our Tom, in an act of ultimate trolling, started writing commercial jingles, maintaining that he wasn’t selling out because he’d never allow the companies that owned the products for which he composed the jingles to use said jingles. The first and only one I heard in the dream was about Poptarts. I know, I need to seek professional health.
• 57 card stay on The Reserved List.
• 139 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 50 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•117 mistakes of utter trash.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to the list of cards that should be recognized as mistakes of utter trash.
BSQ: 313/370, or 84.{bar}594%. Let’s go.
Hooray, I’m done!
• 58 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 146 card get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Frenetic Efreet, Grim Feast, & Harbinger of Night all getting downgraded from
to 
; and Jungle Patrol & Leering Gargoyle both getting downgraded from to 
).
• 53 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets (with, in this episode, Hivis of the Scale getting downgraded from to ).
•118 cards that are an embarrassment to both cellulose and lignin everywhere.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to the list of cards that should be recognized as mistakes of utter trash.
BSQ: 324/382, or 84.81675392670157%.
Four more weeks of this to go.
Thanks, Daij_Djan; I’ll see you all next week.
The morning that I wrote this, I woke up from a dream where Our Tom, in an act of ultimate trolling, started writing commercial jingles, maintaining that he wasn’t selling out because he’d never allow the companies that owned the products for which he composed the jingles to use said jingles. The first and only one I heard in the dream was about Poptarts. I know, I need to seek professional health.
Welcome back to No Reservations II. This week is part 3 of 7 of Mirage.
• 57 card stay on The Reserved List.
• 139 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 50 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 313/370, or 84.{bar}594%. Let’s go.
{Just trust me on this, this card is powerful. Also annoying af.}
Frenetic Efreet 140, downgraded from to , to match Frenetic Sliver.1
Price
Imagine you’re looking over the Planar Chaos spoiler for the first time. You followed all the reveals, the articles, the spoiler season for Time Spiral previously, and you remember all the fun you had looking up all the references to past cards. Then, you come to Frenetic Sliver. You think “O-kaaayy…wtf is this?” So, you do some digging. You come upon some old tournament reports, and some arcane as fuck rulings.
Sometimes, TSP block can be a pain in the ass. I wish I could just leave Frenetic Efreet right where it is, because phasing is, was, and always will be terrible and confusing, but rules are rules, and I must abide by them. Otherwise, I’d be no better than the NPD/ASPD-in-chief.
Frenetic Efreet 140, downgraded from
to , to match Frenetic Sliver.1Price
Imagine you’re looking over the Planar Chaos spoiler for the first time. You followed all the reveals, the articles, the spoiler season for Time Spiral previously, and you remember all the fun you had looking up all the references to past cards. Then, you come to Frenetic Sliver. You think “O-kaaayy…wtf is this?” So, you do some digging. You come upon some old tournament reports, and some arcane as fuck rulings.
Sometimes, TSP block can be a pain in the ass. I wish I could just leave Frenetic Efreet right where it is, because phasing is, was, and always will be terrible and confusing, but rules are rules, and I must abide by them. Otherwise, I’d be no better than the NPD/ASPD-in-chief.
{The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, & Her Lover; The 13th Warrior; Ravenous; Cannibal! The Musical}
Grim Feast 141, downgraded from to .
Price
Since Grim Feast relies on what your opponent is doing, in addition to poking you on each of your turns, it seems perfectly safe for Standard. It’d be really good in Limited, might be a sideboard card in Constructed, but there’s no reason to fear a well-stocked larder, just because you don’t go in for long pig.
Grim Feast 141, downgraded from
to .Price
Since Grim Feast relies on what your opponent is doing, in addition to poking you on each of your turns, it seems perfectly safe for Standard. It’d be really good in Limited, might be a sideboard card in Constructed, but there’s no reason to fear a well-stocked larder, just because you don’t go in for long pig.
{Corollary to Frenetic Efreet’s ruling: If the new card is so strictly better than the old card that just looking at the old card is embarrassing, then the old card gets Piled faster than shag carpeting.}
BRIAN BLESSED!!!118. Sorry, Brian, but your card is just utter shite.51; I’ll let the Commander players have him.
Price
Early Magic storylines were confusingly weird. BRIAN BLESSED is just embarrassingly bad. Why is he limited to only one Aura? Ok, so you can activate the ability multiple times in response to itself, and that’s cute and all, but it’s just so goddamn clunky.
Ok, fine, I’ve convinced myself. See above.
BRIAN BLESSED!!!
Price
{Here’s the much better redo, and an even better than that Angel:}
Evershrike
Price
Bruna, Light of Alabaster
Price
Evershrike
Price
Bruna, Light of Alabaster
Price
Early Magic storylines were confusingly weird. BRIAN BLESSED is just embarrassingly bad. Why is he limited to only one Aura? Ok, so you can activate the ability multiple times in response to itself, and that’s cute and all, but it’s just so goddamn clunky.
Ok, fine, I’ve convinced myself. See above.
{See, it’s interesting effects like this that make me wanna reprint them.}
Hall of Gemstone 142
Price
I also found a whole heck of a lot of analogues for Forcefield, further cementing that card’s Listing as bullshit.
There’s another World Enchantment coming up that, along with Hall of Gemstone, are the exact cards I was thinking of when saying that there are exceptions to the “World Enchantments get Piled” guideline.
Hall of Gemstone 142
Price
I also found a whole heck of a lot of analogues for Forcefield, further cementing that card’s Listing as bullshit.
There’s another World Enchantment coming up that, along with Hall of Gemstone, are the exact cards I was thinking of when saying that there are exceptions to the “World Enchantments get Piled” guideline.
{Some cards make pretty lackluster s, but truly excellent s.}
Harbinger of Night 143, downgraded from to .
Price
Yes, thanks to Shadowmoor block, there are quite a few combos with Harbinger of Night, but that still isn’t enough to warrant keeping it at its original, overinflated rarity. Especially since Midnight Banshee does almost the exact same job, but so much better.
I was actually thinking of downgrading Harbinger all the way down to, but those Gatherer comments convinced me otherwise.
s, but truly excellent s.}Harbinger of Night 143, downgraded from
to .Price
Yes, thanks to Shadowmoor block, there are quite a few combos with Harbinger of Night, but that still isn’t enough to warrant keeping it at its original, overinflated rarity. Especially since Midnight Banshee does almost the exact same job, but so much better.
I was actually thinking of downgrading Harbinger all the way down to
, but those Gatherer comments convinced me otherwise.{Ninjazilla said it best.}
Hivis of the Scale; It’d take an extreme of planning, on the level of Dragons of Tarkir, before this would be viable in Standard, so I might as well release it into the environment where it’d have the most impact. 52; either way, I’d still downgrade Hivis from to .
Price
I quote:
The lore on Hivis is, fittingly, just as brief.
Hivis of the Scale; It’d take an extreme of planning, on the level of Dragons of Tarkir, before this would be viable in Standard, so I might as well release it into the environment where it’d have the most impact. 52; either way, I’d still downgrade Hivis from
to .Price
I quote:
| 000 | “cool that it's able to control dragons and all, but it just seems way too situational” – Posted By: Ninjazilla (6/1/2011 9:30:02 PM) |
The lore on Hivis is, fittingly, just as brief.
{Ironically, the nonstandard counter type is all that’s keeping me from releasing this into Standard.}
Jabari’s Influence 53
Price
Palochka said it better than I could, even despite Gatherer cutting off the final comments, so I won’t even try to top them.
Jabari’s Influence 53
Price
Palochka said it better than I could, even despite Gatherer cutting off the final comments, so I won’t even try to top them.
{Please see No Reservations II, pt. 8c, Homelands}
JUNGLE PATROL! JUNGLE PATROL! 144, downgraded from to , as per Wall of Kelp.
Price
Handy-dandy link for all you lazy bastards.
Jungle Patrol can’t even be used in Arcades Commander decks, due to its
color identity, so it’s even safer than Wall of Kelp.
JUNGLE PATROL! JUNGLE PATROL! 144, downgraded from
to , as per Wall of Kelp.Price
Handy-dandy link for all you lazy bastards.
Jungle Patrol can’t even be used in Arcades Commander decks, due to its
color identity, so it’s even safer than Wall of Kelp.{Excellent poem, shitty card.}
Kukemssa Pirates118
Price
Instead of ragging on what utter trash Kukemssa Pirates is4, I’d rather, if I may--
Ral: It’s your column, they don’t really have much of a choice in the matter, do they?
What the hell are you doing out of the Footnotes? You’re interrupting my flow.
Ral: No Footnote spoiler box can contain me! I will--
Hey, you wanna know a secret? C’mere!
Ral:…Whaaat?
[whispering]Jace and Vraska have set the wedding date immediately after ”Milk”, so the twins won’t be bastards!
Ral: You…hhhorrid…LIAR!!
Give it up, man! The best you could ever hope for is being a constantly ignored unicorn.
Ral: A…anything is worth it for the OTP.
Oh, go away, you’re giving me a headache.
Ral: OTP!!!
Right, that’s it, I hereby banish you via invocation of rules 1, 3, 5, and 7 for the remainder of this column!
Ral: Fine!
Right, now where was I?
Ral: You were just about to start talking about poe--
OUT!
Ral: Ok, I’m going, I’m going!
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I’d rather, if I may--
Ral: Oh, don’t start with that shit again, we could be here all night!
Rrrrr! If it’s not one thing, it’s another! Right; I’d rather, IF I MAY, discuss The Love Song of Day and Night.
It’s a beautiful poem in its own right, seemingly heavily influenced by the Song of Solomon, but, more than that, it’s the first bit of real worldbuilding undertaken by R&D, and what truly ushers in the Second Stage of Design.
Kukemssa Pirates
Price
Instead of ragging on what utter trash Kukemssa Pirates is4, I’d rather, if I may--
Ral: It’s your column, they don’t really have much of a choice in the matter, do they?
What the hell are you doing out of the Footnotes? You’re interrupting my flow.
Ral: No Footnote spoiler box can contain me! I will--
Hey, you wanna know a secret? C’mere!
Ral:…Whaaat?
[whispering]Jace and Vraska have set the wedding date immediately after ”Milk”, so the twins won’t be bastards!
Ral: You…hhhorrid…LIAR!!
Give it up, man! The best you could ever hope for is being a constantly ignored unicorn.
Ral: A…anything is worth it for the OTP.
Oh, go away, you’re giving me a headache.
Ral: OTP!!!
Right, that’s it, I hereby banish you via invocation of rules 1, 3, 5, and 7 for the remainder of this column!
Ral: Fine!
Right, now where was I?
Ral: You were just about to start talking about poe--
OUT!
Ral: Ok, I’m going, I’m going!
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I’d rather, if I may--
Ral: Oh, don’t start with that shit again, we could be here all night!
Rrrrr! If it’s not one thing, it’s another! Right; I’d rather, IF I MAY, discuss The Love Song of Day and Night.
It’s a beautiful poem in its own right, seemingly heavily influenced by the Song of Solomon, but, more than that, it’s the first bit of real worldbuilding undertaken by R&D, and what truly ushers in the Second Stage of Design.
{I don’t know whether to Pile this, or knock it all the way down to .}
Leering Gargoyle; Lemme get back to you on this one…
Price
I don’t get Leering Gargoyle. I mean, it’s fighting against itself. It’s a more color-intensive Wind Drake (i.e. slightly worse), which means that you’ll always be attacking in the air with it, at least until the defending player gets a blocker for it.
But, since it doesn’t have vigilance, that ability is bloody useless, as the only time you’d want to use it is if you’re behind, either in life, in creatures, or, more specifically, in fliers. But even in that scenario, it’s crap, because it’s not actually gonna kill the thing it blocks, so it’s STILL terrible!
Eh, I’m in a generous mood right now. 145, downgraded from to .
.}Leering Gargoyle; Lemme get back to you on this one…
Price
{Pick a card, any card; out of the 284 options available, chances are better than 100% that you’ll pick a better option, if I know my statistics right.}
Mebbe I got the statistics wrong, but the sentiment sure as hell is spot-on.
Mebbe I got the statistics wrong, but the sentiment sure as hell is spot-on.
I don’t get Leering Gargoyle. I mean, it’s fighting against itself. It’s a more color-intensive Wind Drake (i.e. slightly worse), which means that you’ll always be attacking in the air with it, at least until the defending player gets a blocker for it.
But, since it doesn’t have vigilance, that ability is bloody useless, as the only time you’d want to use it is if you’re behind, either in life, in creatures, or, more specifically, in fliers. But even in that scenario, it’s crap, because it’s not actually gonna kill the thing it blocks, so it’s STILL terrible!
Eh, I’m in a generous mood right now. 145, downgraded from
to .{As MaRo has said “Even a terribly bad Black Lotus is still too powerful.”}
L.E.D. 58
Price
Not a chance in hell. I’ve see what filthy-ass shenannygoats are capable with this piece of expensive jewelry, and I do not approve.
L.E.D. 58
Price
Not a chance in hell. I’ve see what filthy-ass shenannygoats are capable with this piece of expensive jewelry, and I do not approve.
{DINNER TIME!}
Lure of Prey 146
Price
Is that enough evidence, Your Honor?
Lure of Prey 146
Price
{Equivalencies}
Dramatic Entrance5
Price
Hunting Grounds
Price
Summoning Trap
Price
Baloth Cage Trap
Price
And several butchers’ aprons…
Dramatic Entrance5
Price
Hunting Grounds
Price
Summoning Trap
Price
Baloth Cage Trap
Price
And several butchers’ aprons…
Is that enough evidence, Your Honor?
Hooray, I’m done!
• 58 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 146 card get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Frenetic Efreet, Grim Feast, & Harbinger of Night all getting downgraded from
to ; and Jungle Patrol & Leering Gargoyle both getting downgraded from to ).• 53 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets (with, in this episode, Hivis of the Scale getting downgraded from
to ).•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 324/382, or 84.81675392670157%.
Four more weeks of this to go.
Thanks, Daij_Djan; I’ll see you all next week.
{Footnote}
| 1 | My rule for this sort of thing is “If a functionally similar or identical card has since been printed in Standard, then the Listed card is likewise safe.” As laxative2 as the Frenetic mechanic is to me3, as much as I wish to ensure that no one else suffers under the oppressive, Willy Wonka smugface meme of this bastard, it still qualifies for this rule. |
| 0 | 0 |
| 2 | If you’ve never heard the joke before: “How does a laxative work? It irritates the shit out of you.” |
| 0 | 0 |
| 3 | Pray you never have to face it, in either incarnation. It may seem rinky-dink on its surface, but think of it like this: nothing that targets it resolves without its controller’s say-so, and it doesn’t matter to said controller one way or the other how that pans out. They WILL have graveyard recursion, they WILL have ways of dealing with whatever impudence is foolish enough to dare try targeting their things, and you WILL feel stupid as you’re beaten to death by a lousy Wind Drake with seemingly dubious upside. |
| 0 | 0 |
| 4 | Ok, that’s the last one, I promise. |
| 0 | 0 |
| 5 | Due to an event whose full details I can no longer recall, I once designed the following Un-card: Inappropriate Entrance   Instant As an additional cost to cast ~, remove a piece of clothing. Put a green creature card from your hand onto the battlefield. |