Post by sdfkjgh on Oct 25, 2018 22:26:55 GMT
11:31p, 10/6/18
Oh gods, it feels like I just finished last week’s column just yesterday! I hate this set!!! Recap:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 47 cards remain on The Reserved List.
• 102 cards get reprinted for Standard.
• 41 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets.
•96 cards which should be erased from ever having existed.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List, while
•Naked Singularity has been added to the list of cards that should be erased from ever having existed.
This gives us a BSQ of 241/288, or 83.680{bar}5%.
At least this is the last episode of Homelands. Let’s just get this over with.
And that’s it for now, the Seroquel is kicking in, & I’m getting narcoleptic,
paused 1:11a, 10/7/18; resumed 1:02a, 10/8/18
I just played in a Guilds of Ravnica Sealed League, and let me tell you, there was some crazy-stupid shitnanigans going on. First off, I picked Selesnya, but I opened 5, count ‘em, FIVE Hypothesizzle! I built my Selesnya deck, it was nothing special, & I lost my first game w/it. So, I switched to Izzet, & never looked back. Throughout the entire league, I only made two changes!
We now rejoin our regularly scheduled broadcast, already in session.
Dammit, Seroquel hits hard & fast! I’ll pick it back up tomorrow.
paused 2:41a, 10/8/18; resumed 11:35p, 10/8/18
{Timmerian Fiends was already covered all the way back in Episode 1a.}
paused 5:42a, 10/9/18; resumed 1:27p, 10/9/18
And that’s it. We’re finally here, scraping ourselves across the finish line, broken, bloodied, beyond exhausted, and barely able to function. This abominably, abysmally bad abortion of a set has beaten us. Daij, consider this a notice that after next week’s Tosche Station column, I’m gonna need a two-week break. I’m that drained. Tally:
• 48 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 105 cards get a Standard reprint (with, in this set, Narwhal downgraded from
to 
, and Wall of Kelp & Winter Sky downgraded from to 
).
• 42 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•10211 cards fed to the crack in Amy Pond’s wall.
• Dark Ritual is added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, and Tempest Efreet have also been fed to the crack in the wall. These last few additions were a severe oversight on my part for letting it go this long. I apologise. I’m also fairly certain that there are more cards that I mentioned before that should’ve been Piled, but weren’t, and I apologise for those, too.
BSQ: 255/303, or 84.{bar}1584%. So. Very. Tired.
Join us next week, with my special guest, Gerard Butler! After that, we’ll be on a 2-week break (I’m not even kidding about that), then it’s back to the slogging salt mines.
Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan, and I hate this goddamn set so much.
2:37p, 10/9/18
Oh gods, it feels like I just finished last week’s column just yesterday! I hate this set!!! Recap:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 47 cards remain on The Reserved List.
• 102 cards get reprinted for Standard.
• 41 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List, while
•
This gives us a BSQ of 241/288, or 83.680{bar}5%.
At least this is the last episode of Homelands. Let’s just get this over with.
{And we’re already off to a WONDERFUL start!}
Mystic Decree97
Price
How much does Mystic Decree fail? Let us count the ways:
1) World Enchantment
2) Oh, you say it removes two types of evasion? For how long? What happens when something gains one of them after this comes down?
3) Landwalk was never all that frequent to begin with, which leads directly to…
4) Landwalk was discontinued with Magic Origins, over three years ago!
It actually fails harder than I initially thought it would. I honestly thought it would only be triply useless, but Mel reminded me of point 3 right when it came time to write it.
Mystic Decree
Price
{Didn’t we JUST go over why this is bad with Mammoth Harness?!}
Yep, pretty sure we did. It’s not even worth it bringing up the price again.
Yep, pretty sure we did. It’s not even worth it bringing up the price again.
How much does Mystic Decree fail? Let us count the ways:
1) World Enchantment
2) Oh, you say it removes two types of evasion? For how long? What happens when something gains one of them after this comes down?
3) Landwalk was never all that frequent to begin with, which leads directly to…
4) Landwalk was discontinued with Magic Origins, over three years ago!
It actually fails harder than I initially thought it would. I honestly thought it would only be triply useless, but Mel reminded me of point 3 right when it came time to write it.
{Here’s a version I designed a little over an hour ago that would actually be useful:}
Flatland
Legendary Enchantment
If a creature has an ability that would prevent it from being blocked, that creature can be blocked by any creature as though it didn’t have that ability.
Flatland
Legendary Enchantment
If a creature has an ability that would prevent it from being blocked, that creature can be blocked by any creature as though it didn’t have that ability.
{Jesus Christ, FINALLY a GOOD card!!!}
Narwhal 103, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition II.
Price
Narwhal is, like Thunder Spirit, another perfectly good card, that was wrongly Listed, that has maintained its power level even today, and that DESPERATELY needs a reprint. Yes, protection has been put out to the semi-retired, deciduous keyword pasture, but that’s FAR from a full discontinuation. #JusticeForNarwhal #NarwhalDidNothingWrong
Narwhal 103, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition II.Price
Narwhal is, like Thunder Spirit, another perfectly good card, that was wrongly Listed, that has maintained its power level even today, and that DESPERATELY needs a reprint. Yes, protection has been put out to the semi-retired, deciduous keyword pasture, but that’s FAR from a full discontinuation. #JusticeForNarwhal #NarwhalDidNothingWrong
{This garbage is ugly in so many different ways.}
Reveka, Wizard Savant98
Price
Take a look at the lore, then take a look at the card itself. Am I the only one who’s picking up on the MASSIVE disconnect between the lore & the mechanics? And what the hell does that Dragon have to do this anything? How the fuck did an amateur Three Wolf Moon illustrator get past security?!
Reveka, Wizard Savant
Price
Take a look at the lore, then take a look at the card itself. Am I the only one who’s picking up on the MASSIVE disconnect between the lore & the mechanics? And what the hell does that Dragon have to do this anything? How the fuck did an amateur Three Wolf Moon illustrator get past security?!
And that’s it for now, the Seroquel is kicking in, & I’m getting narcoleptic,
paused 1:11a, 10/7/18; resumed 1:02a, 10/8/18
I just played in a Guilds of Ravnica Sealed League, and let me tell you, there was some crazy-stupid shitnanigans going on. First off, I picked Selesnya, but I opened 5, count ‘em, FIVE Hypothesizzle! I built my Selesnya deck, it was nothing special, & I lost my first game w/it. So, I switched to Izzet, & never looked back. Throughout the entire league, I only made two changes!
{Here’s the decklist:}
Izzet Weirdness1
Izzet Weirdness1
| 7 Island | |
| 8 (originally 9) Mountain | |
| 2 (originally 1) Izzet Guildgate | |
| 1 Nightveil Sprite | |
| 1 Fire Urchin | |
1 Goblin Locksmith | I don’t care what anyone else says, that art clearly shows that he’d already successfully picked that lock & opened the door before he got frustrated and bashed open the window, and nobody can convince me otherwise! Also, if you look closely, you’ll find that the door has no mechanism, and the knob is purely ornamental. |
| 1 Lava Coil | |
| 2 Goblin Electromancer | |
| 1 League Guildmage | |
| 1 Leapfrog | |
| 1 Smelt-Ward Minotaur | |
1 Sonic Assault | We’re never getting Fire//Ice back, but this is a decent facsimile. |
1 Izzet Locket | The Lockets are a pretty close 2nd in power rankings for the Ravnican manarocks. It’s Signets, Lockets, followed distantly by Keyrunes (individually, a few of them might be stellar, but taken as a whole, the dregs of the rest of them drag the whole cycle down), then, twice as distantly, the Cluestones. |
1 Erratic Cyclops | Haayy, Magic Mics; I see you! |
1 Gravitic Punch | Another card for the Surrak deck. And yes, I actually did manage to Live the Dream©®™ with Erratic Cyclops & Gravitic Punch, and let me tell you, 12 damage to the face before combat is soooo sweet! |
| 1 Rubblebelt Boar | |
1 Crackling Drake | This used to be Fearless Halberdier until I opened the Stage 2 pack. I’d say it was a good upgrade. |
1 Rampaging Monument | Oh gods, I love this card. |
| 1 Watcher in the Mist | |
1 Command the Storm | Hear that, Ral? You’re just a pawn in some Dragon’s game. You always have been, & you always will be! I bet Jace, if he ever even thinks about you, does so with nothing but pity. Ral: OTP, YOU BASTARD!!! |
5 Hypothesizzle | So, as it turns out, having an eighth of your deck be “draw 2, you may discard a nonland. If you do, sump’un’s gonna die” is pretty good. I sometimes wished that it didn’t restrict the discard to nonlands, but I can kinda understand why they did. If they didn’t 99.999999% of the time, you’d be discarding a land, & that’s no decision at all. |
We now rejoin our regularly scheduled broadcast, already in session.
{During the mating season, male Ulgrothan Badgers attract mates with a snazzy jazz combo rendition of their traditional folksong, drummed out on the nearest of the forest’s plentiful human skulls just lying around, because reasons. They also have opposable thumbs, I guess, also because reasons, & this is starting to sound like bad fanfiction. Not My Immortal bad, but fucking close!}
Rysorian Badger99
Price
And so, with the dulcet tones of the traditional Rysorian folksong wafting through the air, I rest my case.
Rysorian Badger
Price
{It will be upon these three exhibits that I will rest my case against Rysorian Badger}
Withered Wretch; There’s a good trump joke here about being old & withered, and the ever-popular among fascists tactic of erasing the past, I just know it!
Price
Creakwood Ghoul
Price
Scavenging Ooze
Price
Withered Wretch; There’s a good trump joke here about being old & withered, and the ever-popular among fascists tactic of erasing the past, I just know it!
Price
Creakwood Ghoul
Price
Scavenging Ooze
Price
And so, with the dulcet tones of the traditional Rysorian folksong wafting through the air, I rest my case.
Dammit, Seroquel hits hard & fast! I’ll pick it back up tomorrow.
paused 2:41a, 10/8/18; resumed 11:35p, 10/8/18
{Even if this wasn’t a World Enchantment, I’d still wanna burn it from ever existing.}
Serra Aviary1002
Price
Prosecution rests.
Serra Aviary
Price
{Your Honor, Prosecution has only one exhibit in evidence for this case, but I’m sure you’ll find is especially damning.}
Exhibit A
Price
Exhibit A
Price
Prosecution rests.
{Another card that got CONSIDERABLY better with the Grand Creature Type Update of aught-seven.3}
Soraya the Falconer 424; see below.
Price
Why am I suggesting a supplemental reprint (specifically, in Commander), when up until now I’ve been absolutely consistent with banding being a bannable offense? It’s all due to a little card called Teferi’s Protection (Price). That set a precedent of reusing old, super-confusing mechanics6 on a single card, iff the stars aligned properly to awaken Dread Cthulhu & Mustakrakish to do battle with each other. Yes, banding is #1 with a bullet forged in the heart of a kugelblitz on the list of confusing-ass things in Magic (only just edging7 out Humility/Opalescence, as the layering system makes that particular interaction almost vernacular in its ease of understanding), but Soraya seems like it could be innocuous enough to allow the reprint.
Soraya the Falconer 424; see below.
Price
Why am I suggesting a supplemental reprint (specifically, in Commander), when up until now I’ve been absolutely consistent with banding being a bannable offense? It’s all due to a little card called Teferi’s Protection (Price). That set a precedent of reusing old, super-confusing mechanics6 on a single card, iff the stars aligned properly to awaken Dread Cthulhu & Mustakrakish to do battle with each other. Yes, banding is #1 with a bullet forged in the heart of a kugelblitz on the list of confusing-ass things in Magic (only just edging7 out Humility/Opalescence, as the layering system makes that particular interaction almost vernacular in its ease of understanding), but Soraya seems like it could be innocuous enough to allow the reprint.
{Timmerian Fiends was already covered all the way back in Episode 1a.}
{As bad as this one is, I’ve actually kinda been looking forward to it, especially since it’s my go-to example of everything that’s wrong with Homelands.}
Neil Gaiman 104 Kidding, kidding, of course!9101
Price
Veldrane of Sengir is the perfect encapsulation of Homelands, and what makes the set so bad. From the overinflated mana cost, to the p/t that just doesn’t quite match what you’ve paid, to the kinda-sorta evasion that maybe works sometimes (which is why they discontinued landwalking abilities), to the exorbitant activation cost for that “evasion”, to the ridiculous drawback for actually using that “evasion”, to the ludicrous 90s-era portraiture/3 wolf moon art, this card is an utter dumpster fire, and quite possibly the worst card ever made.
So of course, there are people who love it precisely for those reasons. Whether TVTropes has ruined your life sufficiently to call it bile fascination, or you’re of a more discerning, Sir PTerry intellectual, charisn’tma is very, very real.
Veldrane of Sengir is emblematic of everything wrong with Homelands, R&D of the time, and, by extension, Magic as a whole. They got better.
Honestly, the best thing about Veldrane is the fact that Autumn Willow created a Faerie Noble that’s a deliberate lookalike, just to piss him off. Successful troll is successful.
Neil Gaiman 104 Kidding, kidding, of course!9
Price
{There’s only one other card that does something similar, & it’s just about as bad.}
Vectis Agents
Price
Vectis Agents
Price
Veldrane of Sengir is the perfect encapsulation of Homelands, and what makes the set so bad. From the overinflated mana cost, to the p/t that just doesn’t quite match what you’ve paid, to the kinda-sorta evasion that maybe works sometimes (which is why they discontinued landwalking abilities), to the exorbitant activation cost for that “evasion”, to the ridiculous drawback for actually using that “evasion”, to the ludicrous 90s-era portraiture/3 wolf moon art, this card is an utter dumpster fire, and quite possibly the worst card ever made.
So of course, there are people who love it precisely for those reasons. Whether TVTropes has ruined your life sufficiently to call it bile fascination, or you’re of a more discerning, Sir PTerry intellectual, charisn’tma is very, very real.
Veldrane of Sengir is emblematic of everything wrong with Homelands, R&D of the time, and, by extension, Magic as a whole. They got better.
Honestly, the best thing about Veldrane is the fact that Autumn Willow created a Faerie Noble that’s a deliberate lookalike, just to piss him off. Successful troll is successful.
{Oh, Arcades. You are simultaneously the savior and destroyer if this poor, unassuming little card.}
Wall of Kelp 104, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition II.
Price
Arcades Sabboth: Oh, bedohdohdoh, I gots a built-in Castle!
Wall of Kelp:…
<23 years later…>
Arcades, the Strategist www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
Wall of Kelp: Well, hory glalleluyah, here comes my ducky lay!!!
When Core Set 2019 came out, Wall of Kelp experienced the most phallically precipitous rise in price anyone has ever seen in quite a long time. And why not? It’s not like it breaks anything, even with Mr. In Defense of Enhanced Posterior Volumetrics. #FreeTheKombu
Wall of Kelp 104, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition II.Price
Arcades Sabboth: Oh, bedohdohdoh, I gots a built-in Castle!
Wall of Kelp:…
<23 years later…>
Arcades, the Strategist www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
Wall of Kelp: Well, hory glalleluyah, here comes my ducky lay!!!
When Core Set 2019 came out, Wall of Kelp experienced the most phallically precipitous rise in price anyone has ever seen in quite a long time. And why not? It’s not like it breaks anything, even with Mr. In Defense of Enhanced Posterior Volumetrics. #FreeTheKombu
{Oh gods, more Susan Van Camp 90s tragedy}
Willow Priestess 48
Price
Aether Vial was a huge mistake, as was the block monster that was the Lorwyn-era Faeries deck archetype. So, in a rare occasion, I’m breaking from Masters sets precedents and leaving the Fae’s personal Aether Vial right where it is. They didn’t need any help from any of the post-Lorwyn sets (but they got it anyway), & they don’t need any help now.
Before we move on, a (hopefully) final word on Susan Van Camp. While a lot of her stuff can actually be quite good (or, at the very least, adequate), most of it is absolute trash, with the worst of the worst being the tragically 90s portraiture/3 wolf moon crap. Am I being too hard on her? Probably, but only because I’m aware of what true, awe-inspiring greatness Magic art can achieve.
Also, she had a direct hand in Magic’s dearth of Squirrels. Now, MaRo has said that if his ambitions regarding Waiting in the Weeds hadn’t been thwarted, he prolly would’ve been happy with just his one Squirrel card. I don’t buy that for a second! This is a man who devoted an entire podcast to the subject of Squirrels. This is a man who not only went out in public, of his own free will, wearing this, but was actually glad & proud to do so. Does that sound to you like the kind of guy who’d be content with only one Squirrel card, no matter the circumstances? I don’t buy for a second that MaRo would EVER say ”Ok, I got what I asked for, I don’t need anything else.” Instead, I ascribe to the view that Susan Van Camp DELAYED Magic’s usage of whimsy by a few years. If she hadn’t made that error, we would’ve gotten a normalization of Squirrels a lot sooner.
Willow Priestess 48
Price
Aether Vial was a huge mistake, as was the block monster that was the Lorwyn-era Faeries deck archetype. So, in a rare occasion, I’m breaking from Masters sets precedents and leaving the Fae’s personal Aether Vial right where it is. They didn’t need any help from any of the post-Lorwyn sets (but they got it anyway), & they don’t need any help now.
Before we move on, a (hopefully) final word on Susan Van Camp. While a lot of her stuff can actually be quite good (or, at the very least, adequate), most of it is absolute trash, with the worst of the worst being the tragically 90s portraiture/3 wolf moon crap. Am I being too hard on her? Probably, but only because I’m aware of what true, awe-inspiring greatness Magic art can achieve.
Also, she had a direct hand in Magic’s dearth of Squirrels. Now, MaRo has said that if his ambitions regarding Waiting in the Weeds hadn’t been thwarted, he prolly would’ve been happy with just his one Squirrel card. I don’t buy that for a second! This is a man who devoted an entire podcast to the subject of Squirrels. This is a man who not only went out in public, of his own free will, wearing this, but was actually glad & proud to do so. Does that sound to you like the kind of guy who’d be content with only one Squirrel card, no matter the circumstances? I don’t buy for a second that MaRo would EVER say ”Ok, I got what I asked for, I don’t need anything else.” Instead, I ascribe to the view that Susan Van Camp DELAYED Magic’s usage of whimsy by a few years. If she hadn’t made that error, we would’ve gotten a normalization of Squirrels a lot sooner.
paused 5:42a, 10/9/18; resumed 1:27p, 10/9/18
{IT’S THE HOME STRETCH, SON!10}
Winter Sky 105, downgraded from to .
Price
I can’t even be arsed to come up with reasons why such a minor effect deserves a Standard reprint with such a drastic downgrade in rarity, I’m just too tired & sick of this goddamn set.
Tanaka348 said it best:
“I don't even... why is this card like it is? Why do I get either a small earthquake or symmetrical draw? What does either part have to do with the other? What does any of this have to do with "Winter Sky"? Like, I'm not talking about power level here... I can understand overcosted cards. But this is just so...random.”
Winter Sky makes no sense (just like the rest of Homelands, so it fits right the fuck in), the art is terrible & barely meets the minimum criteria of depicting the card’s name (just like the rest of Homelands, so it fits right the fuck in), and it’s such a minor effect that it’s not even worth a whole card. Like, they should’ve stuck this effect on a Charm or something. However, it’s just useful enough to save it from The Burn Pile. It’s definitely a squeaker, though.
I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set.
Winter Sky 105, downgraded from
to .Price
I can’t even be arsed to come up with reasons why such a minor effect deserves a Standard reprint with such a drastic downgrade in rarity, I’m just too tired & sick of this goddamn set.
Tanaka348 said it best:
“I don't even... why is this card like it is? Why do I get either a small earthquake or symmetrical draw? What does either part have to do with the other? What does any of this have to do with "Winter Sky"? Like, I'm not talking about power level here... I can understand overcosted cards. But this is just so...random.”
Winter Sky makes no sense (just like the rest of Homelands, so it fits right the fuck in), the art is terrible & barely meets the minimum criteria of depicting the card’s name (just like the rest of Homelands, so it fits right the fuck in), and it’s such a minor effect that it’s not even worth a whole card. Like, they should’ve stuck this effect on a Charm or something. However, it’s just useful enough to save it from The Burn Pile. It’s definitely a squeaker, though.
I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set. I hate this set.
And that’s it. We’re finally here, scraping ourselves across the finish line, broken, bloodied, beyond exhausted, and barely able to function. This abominably, abysmally bad abortion of a set has beaten us. Daij, consider this a notice that after next week’s Tosche Station column, I’m gonna need a two-week break. I’m that drained. Tally:
• 48 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 105 cards get a Standard reprint (with, in this set, Narwhal downgraded from
to , and Wall of Kelp & Winter Sky downgraded from to ).• 42 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual is added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 255/303, or 84.{bar}1584%. So. Very. Tired.
Join us next week, with my special guest, Gerard Butler! After that, we’ll be on a 2-week break (I’m not even kidding about that), then it’s back to the slogging salt mines.
Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan, and I hate this goddamn set so much.
{Footnotes}
| 1 | c wot i did thar? |
| 2 | How much you wanna bet that The Burn Pile exceeds the Standard Reprint List before this is all over? |
| 3 | They have Talk Like a Pirate Day, but why no Talk Like a Grizzled 1890s Prospector Day? |
| 4 | Figures I’d break from tradition on such a significant number. I feel like there’s a joke to be made here about the breaking of traditions only being carried out by the nerdiest of nerds & geekiest of geeks, but that connection possibly only exists in my own mind, no one else’s5. |
| 5 | At least until now, after I’ve made the suggestion. |
| 6 | To all Alfa Romeo drivers, I’m sorry. |
| 7 | I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference. I will not link to the obvious sexual reference.8 |
| 8 | I will admit that I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately. |
| 9 | For a second, I contemplated dragging out the joke by going through the entire roster, but then I thought better of it. |
| 10 | For those of you who don’t know your postwar cartoons, this is a Tex Avery reference; either One Cab’s Family or Little Johnny Jet, it doesn’t really much matter which, as they’re both basically the same story. |
| 11 | I just noticed that 102 is where the Standard reprints started this episode. Footnote 2 is looking more and more likely. |
2:37p, 10/9/18