Post by sdfkjgh on Mar 20, 2020 0:00:36 GMT
Before we begin, here’s a song I heard at my last dental appointment. It summarizes the professional mental athlete life pretty well, no matter the endeavor.
Here is it, folks: my Rodney Dangerfield deck. As the years go by, more and more cards get banned from it. Like most of my decks, it started out as a Standard deck, then moved on to become Modern-legal, and usually, that’s about as exciting as it gets in terms of format legality, but oh no, not this deck. No, all you JohnnySpike and JennySpike munchkins gotta ruin errthing, and get cards banned.
Illegal Eldrazi, aka the deck formerly known as Modern-legal Eldrazi
- (Cards marked with a * are banned in Modern.)
| 2 Eldrazi Temple | |
| 2 Eye of Ugin* | |
| 4 Forest | |
| 4 Mountain | |
| 4 Raging Ravine | This is Plan C. If you’re forced to rely on Plan C, then things have gone SERIOUSLY wrong! |
| 4 Rootbound Crag | |
| 4 Brood Birthing | This is the second part of the dream of Plan A: Smacking my opponent upside they hed with a Pimphand on turn 4. |
| 4 Spawning Breath | This card always makes me think of that scene in Blazing Saddles, when Gabby Johnson takes a guy out by breathing on him. Also, this is one of the first parts to Plan A. |
| 4 Nest Invader | This is another Plan A Part 1. Also, THIS SHOULD’VE BEEN A SLIVER!!! It looks like a Sliver, the name’s perfect for a Sliver, total missed opportunity. |
| 4 Awakening Zone | Always announce this as just “Zone”, like these guys, only with a deeper voice and a descending tone, rather than the ascending one they use. |
| 4 Growth Spasm | |
| 2 Splinter Twin* | |
| 4 Kozilek’s Predator | |
| 4 Emrakul’s Hatcher | Preferable target to Twin, but the previous card will do in a pinch. |
| 2 Not of This World | Obligatory Spanish Inquisition card. |
| 3 Pimphands | |
| 3 Spawnsire of Ulamog | The first 10-mana planeswalker, and this deck’s Plan B. |
Sideboard:
| 3 Heat Ray | Because I mise well use the sideboard the way it was intended for at least some of the cards. |
| 1 All Is Dust | One of the best boardwipes ever designed. |
| 2 Not of This World | Because what’s better than paying  for a 7-mana counterspell? Paying  for the privilege of casting that same counterspell from out of the sideboard without paying its mana cost, of course! |
| 2 Skittering Invasion | If I’m paying , I expect to be able to reload at least partway for the trouble. |
| 1 Artisan of Kozilek | |
| 1 Kozilek, Butcher of Truth | I wish they’d maintained the servers of the old Mothership page. The reveal of this card was one of the most epic things they’ve ever done, better than the Damnation reveal. |
| 1 Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre | Thanks, Sekki. |
| 2 It That Betrays | One of these days, I’m gonna build that Nathan Explosion deck, filled with only the most metal-sounding names the game has to offer. This card definitely qualifies, along with Tymaret, the Murder King |
| 1 Emrakul, the Aeons Torn | Prerelease promo version only. Because that was a thing they did. “Welcome to the prelease, thanks for showing up, here’s a $100 bill for your troubles.” |
Welp, that’s the deck. By this point, I’m just waiting for all you munchkins to get the rest of the cards banned. I realize that banning card interactions rather than individual cards (exe: if you run Splinter Twin in your deck, you are forbidden from also running creatures that untap creatures, or similar combos) is unfeasible, but this deck is a big argument in favor of that policy.
Anyway, that’s it for this week, thanks to my lovely Editor, Daij_Djan, for putting up with my nonsense, sorry I forgot to thank you last