Post by sdfkjgh on Nov 2, 2018 1:49:18 GMT
So they did it. The gop once again elected a sex abuser to the highest court in the land. So, welcome, kavanaugh; your tenure is being sponsored by the Koch brothers, Russian oligarchs with ties to the Kremlin, the gop’s constant projecting of their own motives and actions onto everyone else (& the intense self-loathing that that projection suggests), and by the movie Pump Up the Volume. For the love of all that’s decent and proper and good (what little there is that’s left in this rotten, dying, 12-years-left-to-change-things-before-it’s-too-late hollowed out husk) in this world, VOTE DEMOCRAT THIS NOVEMBER!!! BRING ACCOUNTABILITY BACK TO POLITICS!!! END THE INSANITY, STUPIDITY, & CORRUPTION!!!
I’m sorry for all the politicizing, this column is supposed to be about Magic, and their political problems (also some offbeat decklists), but with the latest reports saying we have maybe about a dozen more years left before it’s too late to do anything, the global rise of fascism & lunatic fringe, far-far-right sentiments, and the massive, blatant corruption of the one nation that, historically, lead the way on improvements towards the betterment of all mankind, it’s looking more and more like the End of Days. As strongly as I believe that the Book of Revelations should’ve been ruled as noncanonical (due to all the harm that its adherents have caused, and the fact that it reads like a drug user’s bad trip), should tell you that I do not make such a connection lightly.
Anyway, welcome back to Tosche Station, where this time we’ll be presenting a former Standard deck, now ported over to Modern with the very recent addition of a quite spicy Boros card from Guilds of Ravnica. This deck is a very all-in strategy, but it does have quite a few controlling elements. The deck’s name is quite possibly the silliest title I’ve ever come up with, and its ludicrous length is usually (especially on MTGO’s decklistings) nicked to Akros Deck Wins.
Gerard Butler may be the dreamiest, but all of his shouting is kinda offputting.
Modern-legal
No sideboard, because I’m terribad at them.
And that’s the deck. Join me in three weeks (I told you I’m not kidding about that two-week break), where we’ll be back at No Reservations II with part 1 of 3 of Alliances. After we’re finished with that set, instead of Tosche Station, I’ll have a special surprise for all of you. Here’s a hint: it involves Sea’s Claim and 不条理なユーモア.
So, until then, with thanks to our Editor Daij_Djan for putting up with my nonsense & missed deadlines, THIS! IS! SPARTA!!!3
I’m sorry for all the politicizing, this column is supposed to be about Magic, and their political problems (also some offbeat decklists), but with the latest reports saying we have maybe about a dozen more years left before it’s too late to do anything, the global rise of fascism & lunatic fringe, far-far-right sentiments, and the massive, blatant corruption of the one nation that, historically, lead the way on improvements towards the betterment of all mankind, it’s looking more and more like the End of Days. As strongly as I believe that the Book of Revelations should’ve been ruled as noncanonical (due to all the harm that its adherents have caused, and the fact that it reads like a drug user’s bad trip), should tell you that I do not make such a connection lightly.
Anyway, welcome back to Tosche Station, where this time we’ll be presenting a former Standard deck, now ported over to Modern with the very recent addition of a quite spicy Boros card from Guilds of Ravnica. This deck is a very all-in strategy, but it does have quite a few controlling elements. The deck’s name is quite possibly the silliest title I’ve ever come up with, and its ludicrous length is usually (especially on MTGO’s decklistings) nicked to Akros Deck Wins.
Gerard Butler may be the dreamiest, but all of his shouting is kinda offputting.
Modern-legal
| 5 Mountain | |
| 9 Plains | |
1 Rogue’s Passage | I saw this land as a godsend when it was first spoiled. Sometimes you just need to get those last few points of damage in. |
4 Sacred Foundry | We all know the shocklands, we all love the shocklands, we all, including R&D, are painfully aware of the dichotomy of naming them generically enough that they could appear anywhere, but only having them in sets located on Ravnica. It’s become sort of a joke, actually. |
4 Temple of Triumph | It is my belief that #1 & #2 on the list of Best-Designed Nonbasic Lands are, in order, the shocklands, and the scry Temples.1 The original duals were a mistake, in that there is little disincentive to run them over basics, and that they’re strictly better than basics. The shocklands, otoh, have actual costs to their use, and mastering when to pay those costs, and which of them to pay at that time, is one of the first things any player should learn. The scry Temples have a secret, deceptive power above and beyond just fixing your mana. Scry 1 doesn’t seem like much, but it can be the difference between victory and defeat. |
4 Chained to the Rocks | I was self-raised, starting all the way back in second grade, on D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths (a book which every young child should have), so Theros block was an utter joy for me, for the most part. Chained to the Rocks is an absolute flavor win, the perfect encapsulation of Prometheus’ punishment, minus the whole regenerating-organ-meat-happy eagle thing. The top-down flavor execution of the block was strong, and really showed that original Innistrad block’s success with top-down design & development wasn’t a fluke. |
3 Favored Hoplite | You can keep your Kird Kitties attacking for 3 on turn 2 thanks to Sacred Foundry, I’d rather attack on turn 2 with a 3/4 with a full damage prevention shield. Next turn, it’s a 4/5 that either hits for 7 total, or gains me 10 life. |
2 Coordinated Assault | This is the Spanish Inquisition of the deck. |
2 Ordeal of Heliod | This is the 10 life I talked about earlier. |
4 Phalanx Leader | This is the deck’s superstar. Pile up those counters, boys & girls! |
3 Ordeal of Purphoros | And this is the “7 total”. |
3 Martial Glory | This card is a perfect example of how to properly foreshadow an upcoming block or set’s mechanics. |
4 Swiftblade Vindicator | Until 7:42pm, 10/2/18, this slot was 3 Cohen the Barbarian2 & 1 still from the movie 300, which was changed at 9:51p on 10/6/18 to 4 Swiftblade, 3 Gerard Butler and Lena Headey. I’d say they’re a marked improvement, and worth the upgrade. Look how far we’ve come! |
2 Dauntless Onslaught | Moar double-target shenanigans. |
4 Banisher Priest | James Zapata, redheaded art for preference. Oh, Jessica Rabbit, you’ve spoiled me for any other haircolor. |
| 3 Leonidas I and Gorgo | |
3 Firemane Avenger | Because sometimes this deck needs a bit more lifegain, and a flier. Yes, it’s quite the hoop to jump through, but it’s backbreaking when it works. |
No sideboard, because I’m terribad at them.
And that’s the deck. Join me in three weeks (I told you I’m not kidding about that two-week break), where we’ll be back at No Reservations II with part 1 of 3 of Alliances. After we’re finished with that set, instead of Tosche Station, I’ll have a special surprise for all of you. Here’s a hint: it involves Sea’s Claim and 不条理なユーモア.
So, until then, with thanks to our Editor Daij_Djan for putting up with my nonsense & missed deadlines, THIS! IS! SPARTA!!!3
{Footnotes}
| 1 | #s 3 & 4 are the buddy lands and the fetchlands. You should know that all 4 of these are scrunched real close together, really tight, although the fetches are relatively further back. If placed on a numberline, they’d all prolly be shocklands at 1, scry Temples at 1.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001, buddy lands at 1.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001, fetches at 1.0000003, and the trilands at 1.2 (5th place). The reason the fetches are “so far” back is because of the various problems they cause for the game: increased shuffling, skyrocketing costs due to availability, and their ubiquitous necessity. |
| 2 | I call Fabled Hero Cohen the Barbarian because his flavor text is an almost word-for-word quote from The Last Hero. |
| 3 | C’mon, you had to’ve known I’d be using it. |