No Reservations II, pt. 10e—Mirage

{”So that natural selection was the origin of this species?”}
Preferred Selection 155, downgraded from to , because Preferred Selection is a janky, (mostly) off-color, overcosted version of the provided examples.
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Oh, Lisa, that’s actually artificial selection.

Preferred Selection has not aged well at all! Just as a comparison, take a look at Abundance^{1, 2}. & sac the thing allowing you to do this to draw two cards isn’t worth it (and certainly not worth a slot), no matter how you slice it. Sure, the minor card-filtering is nice, but four mana is a little too much, as evidenced by every single Equivalency provided.

{Nobody cares about color-changing cards anymore, and the last time anyone did was around the release of Alpha.}
Prismatic Lace; I’m having a hard time deciding on this one, so see below, when I come back to it.
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MaRo once admitted that the Laces mattered so little that it was ok to obsolete five of them at the same time. He also admitted (on record, I might add), that, & I quote: ‘[Moonlace was] designed to be "bottom of the barrel" bad’. I seem to remember either Evan Erwin on an episode of The Magic Show, or and episode of MaRo’s Drive to Work where a member of R&D explained why Moonlace is , when it’s such a useless, nothing effect that it belongs at ignorable . If I remember correctly, the explanation went something like this: “Would you rather have it at , where it’s guaranteed to show up multiple times in a draft, or would you rather it just eat up a single slot?”

I just wasted the last half hour or so searching through past episodes of No Reservations II, Gatherer, and The Reserved List, only to find that the original five Laces weren’t even considered useful enough to be Listed. So, why is the everloving FUCKBLAZES OF HELL is Prismatic Lace?! That prior admission of guilt about Moonlace⁴ is enough for me! 120

{I am so thankful for an actual good card as a palate-cleanser after that shit sandwich.}
Purgatory 156
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One of the few true joys of doing this ferschlugginer review is going back and finding how close some of the earliest multicolor cards got to modern design sensibilities. Were it not for the presence of this damned List, if Purgatory were to show up in the very next Standard set (or mebbe the set right after that one), I’m willing to bet my entire nonexistent reputation on nobody even batting an eye⁶.

{Congratulations, you are now a furry!}
Purraj of Urborg 157, downgraded from to , because a 5-mana 2/3 couldn’t even cut it back then, when Incinerate was reprinted in the exact same set!^{7, 8}
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So, Purraj of Urborg. How long do Urborg Panther-folk live? I ask because according to the story, they never found the body, which means that she could still be alive, which means that I can reprint her, in all her glorious suckitude, and not worry about breaking canon.

Ral: Like you care about breaking canon when it comes to Mirage’s storyline.

Teferi: Or any of the really early Magic storytelling.

True, but at least this time, no one can blame me for reprinting her.

Ral: That’s because nobody cares about her.

Probably also true.

Anyway, Drana, Liberator of Malakir is how to do this card properly, not the embarrassing pile of mismatched stats that is Purraj. However, Purraj has just enough power to save her from The Burn Pile.

{Why is there such a disconnect between the early story & execution of the representative cards?}
Rashida Scalebane 55, downgraded from to , to match Hivis of the Scale.
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See, this is why I pay so little attention to early Magic story. Rashida Scalebane is a Certified Badass. Rashida Scalebane is an embarrassingly narrow p.o.s., on par with Hivis of the Scale.

{”Nnnnnnnoooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”}
Razor Pendulum 158, downgraded from to .
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Who exactly is this for? It’s overcosted by at least (mebbe even ), so Spike hates it; it’s not big or splashy enough for Tammy, and the question it poses to Jenny is more easily answered by something like Lava Axe! Mel?

がらくた、このクソカードはお尻を吸います！

Thank you, Mel. It might be for Vorthos⁹, except it’s such a goddamned blatant-ass ripoff of Poe that it angers a good percentage of them, myself included. Eh, I guess it’s one more card for the naked deck¹⁰.

{Some illustrations provoke in me such a visceral response, it seems a little disproportionate to what is just a still image. I know I’m not alone.}
Reflect Damage 159, downgraded from to , because cmc 5 is way too much; power creep is real, and sometimes it’s a good thing.
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For those of you wondering what exactly is the difference between Reflect Damage and Deflecting Palm, besides the extra , Deflecting Palm can’t get around the cards in this list (because the damage can’t be prevented), whereas Reflect Damage can (except for Whippoorwill¹¹, because they had to make up for showing the poorbirb in mid-flight without actually giving it flying. /s). Whether that’s actually worth …

{Sometimes, exceptions must be made for cards that have become iconic. Other times, like now, you have an iconic card that, due to the mountainous exculpatory evidence, requires no such special treatment}
40 Acres and a Mule 160, downgraded from to , because time marches on.
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Hokay, so, yes, Reparations expands its benefits to its controller, but even that isn’t enough to warrant keeping it at . The fact of the matter is that the effect is just a bit too minor to be of much consideration. Shapers’ Sanctuary made a decent-sized splash when it was first spoiled, but that excitement petered out fast, as players realized that it wasn’t worth diluting the focus of their decks for the sake of some minor deathtripping¹². As an , I’m not so sure the issue will be any different, but maybe the downgrade will change that. At the very least, the Burn matchup should be an interesting test case.

{Come on down to your local Build-A-Basilisk station today! Owner not responsible for any accidental petrifications. Void where prohibited. If petrification lasts less than 4 hours, consult your Basilisk’s veterinarian immediately, as it may have a life-threatening power incontinence, and could explode at any minute. Offer not valid on the planes of Alara, Kamigawa, Ir, Equilor, Belenon, Kyneth, or in the states of Mississippi, Idaho, Kentucky, New Mexico, or confusion. If you miss the Micro Machines Guy, get in line, pal!}
Rock Basilisk 161, downgraded from to .
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For years, the Tammy/Johnny dream was to cast a Basilisk, then enchant it with Lure, and go to town. Finally, Wizards just went ahead and printed Stone-Tongue Basilisk¹³, a card that combines the entire 2-card strategy into one, neat, overcosted, under-statted, crap-ass package.

The problem with that strategy was that it was never any good. Whether it was Terror two-for-one-ing it, partaking of Tammy’s salty tears as a tasty treat; or Counterspell crushing the minor combo player’s too-cute convoluted contrivance; or any of a number of different, non-alliterative factors, Lure/Basilisk was just too terrible to tier, especially when you had nonsense like Necropotence hanging around, handing people their asses on the regular.

{It took me over three hours to come to a decision on this one. Ok, fine, you dragged it out of me, my shows were coming on, so I took a break, & came back to it with fresh eyes.}
Sawback Manticore 121
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Sawback Manticore is terribad. As a comparison of the possibly only good part of the card, see the laccolith cycle and Butcher Orgg. They could’ve just made Sawback Manticore a 4/4 flier for , and it would’ve been a fine for the time (downgraded to for today), but no, they hadda get cute with the whole splitting damage shtick, because reasons.

{Read the name, then look at the art, then read the card, and tell me just what the hell does the first have to do with the second have to do with the third?}
Seeds of Innocence 162
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Shatterstorm, Creeping Corrosion, Fracturing Gust. Certainly seems like Seeds of Innocence fits right in there, doesn’t it?

{Danny Boyle, Kerry Fox, Christopher Eccleston, Ewan McGregor}
Back when I was a teenager, I used to stay up all night watching TV (damn insomnia).¹⁵ This movie was one of the obscure gems that late night/early morning TV would surprise you with. 163
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Prosecution rests, Your Honor.

{Footnotes}