Post by sdfkjgh on Dec 21, 2018 6:32:18 GMT
So, what’d you all think of my story? All those unappreciative of hyperhirsute canids, kindly vacate the premises forthwith and posthaste.
But for now,
Welcome to the Second Stage of Magic Design
Featured in this stage: The Introductions of the block, of Limited, of the Timmy, Johnny, and Spike Psychographics (their inclusive distaff counterpart versions of Tammy, Jenny, and Spike wouldn’t be named until about 20 years later), and the Sixth Edition Rules Change.
• 57 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 125 cards get reprinted in Standard.
• 47 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•110 cards erased from ever having existed.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to the list of cards that have been expunged from the spacetime continuum.
BSQ: 289/346, or 83.52601156069364%.
Here’s hoping Stage Two will be better than Stage One. In the final episode of this maxiseries, which I’ve promised will be a complete, editorializing-free recap of the entire series, I may have to do a minor statistical breakdown of each Stage--
Ral: Stages 1 & 2 are the only ones represented in The Reserved List, dumbass!
Ok, so I’ll do a breakdown of each set, for full bullshit impact.
Since Mirage contains a total of 83 Listed cards, this set will be a 7-parter. The last time we had a set get so high, it was Legends, and that only ran to 6 episodes. Let’s get this over with.
And that’s it! Tallyatcha!
• 57 card Stay on The Reserved List.
• 131 cards get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Afiya Grove, Auspicious Ancestor. & Brushwagg were all downgraded from
to 
; while Canopy Dragon was downgraded from to 
).
• 50 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets (with, in this episode, Asmira, Holy Avenger, Benthic Djinn, & Bone Mask all downgraded from to ).
•113 cards That should never have been.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to the list of cards that should never have been.
BSQ: 301/358, or 84.07821229050279%. Well, that escalated quickly!
Join us for the next 6 weeks(!) for the rest of Mirage. After that, I’ll hafta see how I feel.
Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan for letting me get away with sooo much shit, u guiz haf no idee, on behalf of all the various and sundry voices in my head, I wish you all a Merry Isthmus and a Happy Nude Beer!
But for now,
Welcome to the Second Stage of Magic Design
Featured in this stage: The Introductions of the block, of Limited, of the Timmy, Johnny, and Spike Psychographics (their inclusive distaff counterpart versions of Tammy, Jenny, and Spike wouldn’t be named until about 20 years later), and the Sixth Edition Rules Change.
Before we begin, there’s the usual recap:
• 57 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 125 cards get reprinted in Standard.
• 47 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 289/346, or 83.52601156069364%.
Here’s hoping Stage Two will be better than Stage One. In the final episode of this maxiseries, which I’ve promised will be a complete, editorializing-free recap of the entire series, I may have to do a minor statistical breakdown of each Stage--
Ral: Stages 1 & 2 are the only ones represented in The Reserved List, dumbass!
Ok, so I’ll do a breakdown of each set, for full bullshit impact.
Since Mirage contains a total of 83 Listed cards, this set will be a 7-parter. The last time we had a set get so high, it was Legends, and that only ran to 6 episodes. Let’s get this over with.
{Excellent art, terrible card.}
Acidic Dagger111
Price
Acidic Dagger suffers heavily from Developer fear. Back then, creatures were still almost universally terrible, so few people were ever caught dead running any. So why would anyone care about a repeatable way to kill creatures, that itself relied on you having creatures in order to work? And then, on top of that, it’s overcosted in both mana cost and activation cost. If you knocked both down by
, you’d get a card that’s STILL inferior to Gorgon Flail!
Wedge explained it best. It’s cards like these that make me sympathize with his plight. Then, I go right back to drinking that sweet, sweet schadenfreude.
Acidic Dagger
Price
{The card this card is supposed to be}
Gorgon Flail
Price
Hell, even this is a much better alternative.
Price
Gorgon Flail
Price
Hell, even this is a much better alternative.
Price
Acidic Dagger suffers heavily from Developer fear. Back then, creatures were still almost universally terrible, so few people were ever caught dead running any. So why would anyone care about a repeatable way to kill creatures, that itself relied on you having creatures in order to work? And then, on top of that, it’s overcosted in both mana cost and activation cost. If you knocked both down by
, you’d get a card that’s STILL inferior to Gorgon Flail!Wedge explained it best. It’s cards like these that make me sympathize with his plight. Then, I go right back to drinking that sweet, sweet schadenfreude.
{Remember, nothing in the rules states that +1/+1 counters can only exist on creatures.}
Afiya Grove 126, downgraded from to , because of Vigean Hydropon.
Price
Health Grove is a card that, were it printed today, would definitely be, or at least . There’s absolutely no reason for it to be . Its mistaken rarity is the only reason it’s on The List, but we can fix that.
Afiya Grove 126, downgraded from
to , because of Vigean Hydropon.Price
{Direct Descendants}
Pretty much the entirety of the graft mechanic, but specifically:
Llanowar Reborn
Price
&
Vigean Hydropon
Price
Scrounging Bandar
Price
Pretty much the entirety of the graft mechanic, but specifically:
Llanowar Reborn
Price
&
Vigean Hydropon
Price
Scrounging Bandar
Price
Health Grove is a card that, were it printed today, would definitely be
, or at least . There’s absolutely no reason for it to be . Its mistaken rarity is the only reason it’s on The List, but we can fix that.{Excellent flavor text, abysmally bad card.}
Amulet of Unmaking112
Price
R&D are always careful not to obsolesce something unless they’re confident that the thing being obsoleted is really bad, like Strictly Worse Cube bad. The problem with that is, each obsoleting is a tacit admission of guilt that they screwed up the card in the first place. However, when a from today (or recent history) obsoletes a from The Reserved List, and does it HARD, you know that that is, was, and always will be absolute crap, especially if that isn’t all that good itself.
Amulet of Unmaking
Price
R&D are always careful not to obsolesce something unless they’re confident that the thing being obsoleted is really bad, like Strictly Worse Cube bad. The problem with that is, each obsoleting is a tacit admission of guilt that they screwed up the card in the first place. However, when a
from today (or recent history) obsoletes a from The Reserved List, and does it HARD, you know that that is, was, and always will be absolute crap, especially if that isn’t all that good itself.{And now I can’t stop thinking of her doing a show on NPR…}
Asmira, Holy Avenger127482, downgraded from to …
Price
Asmira looks like an Angel. This isn’t metaphor, or prose, or anything like that. She’s got a halo, whatever it is that’s billowing out behind her look like wings, she’s even holding a child in a protective manner. She’s a fucking angel, and no amount of typeline or story naysaying can dissuade me.
Btw, wasn’t early Magic story weird? The fact that I can safely ignore it, nay, even contradict it, and none of that matters to any of you speaks volumes to how badly it was handled back then.
All this is a very roundabout, tangential way to explain how safe she is to reprint for a future Standard.1
Asmira, Holy Avenger
to …Price
Asmira looks like an Angel. This isn’t metaphor, or prose, or anything like that. She’s got a halo, whatever it is that’s billowing out behind her look like wings, she’s even holding a child in a protective manner. She’s a fucking angel, and no amount of typeline or story naysaying can dissuade me.
Btw, wasn’t early Magic story weird? The fact that I can safely ignore it, nay, even contradict it, and none of that matters to any of you speaks volumes to how badly it was handled back then.
All this is a very roundabout, tangential way to explain how safe she is to reprint for a future Standard.1
{These mistaken rarities are sapping my will to live.}
Auspicious Ancestor 127, downgraded from to .
Price
Need I say more? No? Please say no, I’m running into a deadline here. No? Good!
Auspicious Ancestor 127, downgraded from
to .Price
{So many reasons for such a drastic downgrade. Drastic, but warranted.}
Ivory Cup
Price
Apothecary Initiate
Price
Angel’s Feather
Price
Apothecary Geist
Price
Every 4 mana 2/3
Ivory Cup
Price
Apothecary Initiate
Price
Angel’s Feather
Price
Apothecary Geist
Price
Every 4 mana 2/3
Need I say more? No? Please say no, I’m running into a deadline here. No? Good!
{ If only the p/t boost was something that was just true, like Adanto Vanguard’s combat ability, this might actually be worth it.}
Barreling Attack113
Price
We just mentioned a video where Wedge explained it best how utterly garbage Fanatical Fever is, and now we come to Barreling Attack, a card that WISHES it had it so good! At least Fanatical Fever guarantees a 3-point power boost. What gets me is that of the two, the card that’s objectively better is the one that’s rated lower! Makes no damn sense.
Barreling Attack
Price
We just mentioned a video where Wedge explained it best how utterly garbage Fanatical Fever is, and now we come to Barreling Attack, a card that WISHES it had it so good! At least Fanatical Fever guarantees a 3-point power boost. What gets me is that of the two, the card that’s objectively better is the one that’s rated lower! Makes no damn sense.
{Hey, Erin! Erin Campbell! I got your Bazaars right here!}
Bazaar of Wonders 128
Price
Bazaar of Wonders is a rather unique card. It can’t be reprinted in Commander, as it’s almost completely useless in that format. It punishes decks that rely on 3s & 4-ofs, while rewarding silver bullet-type decks (and probably mostly silver-bullet control decks). There’s really only one person I know of who exemplifies this type of deck, so Guillaume Wafo-Tapa, if you’re reading this 3, this Standard reprint is for you.
Bazaar of Wonders 128
Price
Bazaar of Wonders is a rather unique card. It can’t be reprinted in Commander, as it’s almost completely useless in that format. It punishes decks that rely on 3s & 4-ofs, while rewarding silver bullet-type decks (and probably mostly silver-bullet control decks). There’s really only one person I know of who exemplifies this type of deck, so Guillaume Wafo-Tapa, if you’re reading this 3, this Standard reprint is for you.
{Remember, Lightning Bolt was still in Standard at the time this was released. D’OH!}
Benthic Djinn 49, downgraded from to .
Price
Poor Benthic Djinn. Too obviously powerful (but in a workhorse, decent-to-good way) for The Burn Pile, but not really powerful enough for The Reserved List. It’s so ok, it’s average. Don’t get me wrong, 5 power for four mana, and a type of evasion in the color that most often is able to change land types to benefit itself is not too shabby, but modern (and Modern) design has progressed so many lightyears beyond, that it’s left by the backwater waysides. Supplemental sets can make good use of it.
Benthic Djinn 49, downgraded from
to .Price
{There’s a lot of options here…}
Creatures with ”At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 2 life.”
4 mana creatures with 5 or more power
Creatures with ”At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 2 life.”
4 mana creatures with 5 or more power
Poor Benthic Djinn. Too obviously powerful (but in a workhorse, decent-to-good
way) for The Burn Pile, but not really powerful enough for The Reserved List. It’s so ok, it’s average. Don’t get me wrong, 5 power for four mana, and a type of evasion in the color that most often is able to change land types to benefit itself is not too shabby, but modern (and Modern) design has progressed so many lightyears beyond, that it’s left by the backwater waysides. Supplemental sets can make good use of it.{They keep trying to make Thought Lash straightforwardly playable…}
Bone Mask 50, downgraded from to , to match the most recent printing of the CoPs.
Price
If you say “Bone Mask” to me, I think something along these lines. Sure, some might grant a modicum of protection from light damage, and I guess beyond that, you’ll be concussed into losing some knowledge, so flavor win on the exiling cards, but nowhere in that description is looking like a giant hammer that spews Cherenkov radiation from its business end4!
Bone Mask is kinda all over the place, and nobody would be happy to open it as their nowadays.
Teferi: They probably weren’t even happy to open it as their when it first came out.
I don’t doubt it. Anyway, it certainly isn’t powerful enough for The Reserved List. We’re cutting the chaff, & kicking out the riffraff!
Bone Mask 50, downgraded from
to , to match the most recent printing of the CoPs.Price
{I don’t even know anymore…}
Sally Field
Price
Crumbling Sanctuary
Price
This is a much better mask in every respect.
Price
Sally Field
Price
Crumbling Sanctuary
Price
This is a much better mask in every respect.
Price
If you say “Bone Mask” to me, I think something along these lines. Sure, some might grant a modicum of protection from light damage, and I guess beyond that, you’ll be concussed into losing some knowledge, so flavor win on the exiling cards, but nowhere in that description is looking like a giant hammer that spews Cherenkov radiation from its business end4!
Bone Mask is kinda all over the place, and nobody would be happy to open it as their
nowadays.Teferi: They probably weren’t even happy to open it as their
when it first came out.I don’t doubt it. Anyway, it certainly isn’t powerful enough for The Reserved List. We’re cutting the chaff, & kicking out the riffraff!
{This is one of the last few remaining unique creature types, represented on only one card.}
Brushwagg 129, downgraded from to , because, c’mon, do I really hafta spell it out for you?!
Price
Is it a Puma with the mating habits of a stickleback? Is it a wolverine that got caught in an inordinately massive tumbleweed? NO!!, it’s Grand Creature Type Update Repair Thingie!!!
It’s also a 3/2 for
that becomes a 1/4 at the merest suggestion of any sort of conflict, that’s also a somehow, because reasons. Is there anyone who really believe that Brushwagg is a , and not some bad draft filler? If there are, you need to personally hunt down these individuals, and squash them with your cars. Do it fast, do it now, drop everything you’re doing right fucking now, and go do the dark bidding of this voice in your head!
Brushwagg 129, downgraded from
to , because, c’mon, do I really hafta spell it out for you?!Price
{I’m having trouble coming up with something pithy, humorous, and relevant.}
Every 3 mana 3/2
Every 3 mana 1/4
All the other 3 mana 3/Xs
Why this didn’t become an Elemental Beast during The Grand Creature Type Update, I’ll never know.
Price
Every 3 mana 3/2
Every 3 mana 1/4
All the other 3 mana 3/Xs
Why this didn’t become an Elemental Beast during The Grand Creature Type Update, I’ll never know.
Price
Is it a Puma with the mating habits of a stickleback? Is it a wolverine that got caught in an inordinately massive tumbleweed? NO!!, it’s Grand Creature Type Update Repair Thingie!!!
It’s also a 3/2 for
that becomes a 1/4 at the merest suggestion of any sort of conflict, that’s also a somehow, because reasons. Is there anyone who really believe that Brushwagg is a , and not some bad draft filler? If there are, you need to personally hunt down these individuals, and squash them with your cars. Do it fast, do it now, drop everything you’re doing right fucking now, and go do the dark bidding of this voice in your head!{Finally, we come to a truly historic card5}
Cadaverous Bloom 1306
Price
Ah, Cadaverous Bloom. One of the key cards to the very first combo decks, Bloom is an important piece of Magic history, and one that has unfortunately fallen by the wayside. Because of the Sixth Edition Rules Change, ProsBloom no longer works the way it used to, and the game has gotten considerably more advanced since then, both in terms of speed, and tech vs. combo decks.
Bloom is among the cards with the greatest amount reduction of rules text throughout the game’s history, but MaRo has gone on record as saying he wished it would’ve said “Exile a card from your hand: Add
or or .” instead.
I’m willing to bet that a Standard reprint of Bloom would be another case of Jace, the Mind Sculptor & BBE getting unbanned in Modern: Everyone will lose their freaking minds beforehand, but once the change happens, the metagame will almost immediately Borg its way through the change, making all the fuss be about nothing. Because of that, I’m willing to give Bloom a probationary Standard reprint, but I’ll keep my eye on it.
Plus, if anything goes wrong, we can always reban it, like with Erin’s Sweet Prince.7
Cadaverous Bloom 1306
Price
Ah, Cadaverous Bloom. One of the key cards to the very first combo decks, Bloom is an important piece of Magic history, and one that has unfortunately fallen by the wayside. Because of the Sixth Edition Rules Change, ProsBloom no longer works the way it used to, and the game has gotten considerably more advanced since then, both in terms of speed, and tech vs. combo decks.
Bloom is among the cards with the greatest amount reduction of rules text throughout the game’s history, but MaRo has gone on record as saying he wished it would’ve said “Exile a card from your hand: Add
or or .” instead.I’m willing to bet that a Standard reprint of Bloom would be another case of Jace, the Mind Sculptor & BBE getting unbanned in Modern: Everyone will lose their freaking minds beforehand, but once the change happens, the metagame will almost immediately Borg its way through the change, making all the fuss be about nothing. Because of that, I’m willing to give Bloom a probationary Standard reprint, but I’ll keep my eye on it.
Plus, if anything goes wrong, we can always reban it, like with Erin’s Sweet Prince.7
{And of course, we gotta end it on a low note!}
Canopy Dragon 131, downgraded from to , to match Volcanic Dragon8.
Price
Ending on Canopy Dragon is like getting the goat in Let’s Make a Deal, Who Wants to Eat? notwithstanding9. I mean, we go from one of the most significant cards of early Magic history, to yet another draft-filler craprare. At, it’s decent, but only just barely.
Canopy Dragon 131, downgraded from
to , to match Volcanic Dragon8.Price
{Dooblidoo}
This was part of a 5-card cycle, one of which is at
levels of complexity & power, while the rest are all kinda meh.
Every 6 mana 4/4
This was part of a 5-card cycle, one of which is at
levels of complexity & power, while the rest are all kinda meh.Every 6 mana 4/4
Ending on Canopy Dragon is like getting the goat in Let’s Make a Deal, Who Wants to Eat? notwithstanding9. I mean, we go from one of the most significant cards of early Magic history, to yet another draft-filler craprare. At
, it’s decent, but only just barely.And that’s it! Tallyatcha!
• 57 card Stay on The Reserved List.
• 131 cards get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Afiya Grove, Auspicious Ancestor. & Brushwagg were all downgraded from
to ; while Canopy Dragon was downgraded from to ).• 50 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets (with, in this episode, Asmira, Holy Avenger, Benthic Djinn, & Bone Mask all downgraded from
to ).•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 301/358, or 84.07821229050279%. Well, that escalated quickly!
Join us for the next 6 weeks(!) for the rest of Mirage. After that, I’ll hafta see how I feel.
Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan for letting me get away with sooo much shit, u guiz haf no idee, on behalf of all the various and sundry voices in my head, I wish you all a Merry Isthmus and a Happy Nude Beer!
{Footnotes}
| 1 | Teferi: How dare you, sir! Brave Asmira was slain by foul Purraj. She could only be reprinted in a supplemental set. Except, no, because the official story matters that little! Teferi: Ndiza kukubetha apho umi khona, inambuzane! |
| | 0 |
| 2 | Ok, fine, you happy now, ya big baby? Teferi: #UsambokanganwaUshingiAsmira! |
| | 0 |
| 3 | And, let’s be honest here, why in the hell would you be at all associated with such a rinky-dink, Mickey Mouse operation as this? |
| | 0 |
| 4 | That actually sounds like it’d make a great SCP. |
| | 0 |
| 5 | Teferi: But it’s not an artifact or a Saga, nor is it Legendary. Shut it, smartass! |
| | 0 |
| 6 | Ral, Teferi, Writer’s Block, Jund, & Mel: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!!?!! Relax, guys! I’ll explain, I promise. |
| | 0 |
| 7 | There, happy now? I think I can speak for all of us when I say we understand where you’re coming from, we respect your opinion, but you’re still wrong and we hate you! This still feels like a very bad idea, and it’s got us all a little terrified for the game. Ral: And your sanity! Guys, you all need to calm down. Remember, none of what we’re doing here matters! We have zero control over The Reserved List, so all of this is just an intellectual exercise. Teferi: Oh yeah! *facepalm* |
| | 0 |
| 8 | Although, I’m of the opinion that Volcanic Dragon could also be downgraded further to . |
| | 0 |
| 9 | I do so love the Birria plate at El Taco Llama. |