No Reservations II, pt. 8b—Homelands

This world is broken. Bill Cosby is in prison for being a serial rapist, there’s an avowed serial hebephilial sexual harasser, womanizer/sexual assaulter, and conman with aspirations of fascism in the White House, and, once again, there’s a serial sexual assaulter up for the Supreme Court. Meanwhile, the most persistent defense of these heinous acts is that the people with no inkling of sexual abuse in their records, public or private, are running a secret ring of child sexual slavery, and the guy with a proven track record of sexual violence? HE’S the “Noble Crusader trying to bring the true deplorables down!”



Twenty years ago, if you’d have told me all this is what would happen, I’d seriously look into suing you for slandering Dr. Cosby’s good name, then I’d prolly see if I could have you committed for even suggesting that we as a country could ever debase ourselves so, could ever turn our backs on our morals and decency enough to ever elect trump¹ to be President.



My father raised me on a healthy comedic diet of Monty Python and Bill Cosby. Now I can never again listen to Cosby’s albums without that taint of shame. What next? Michael Palin did all that traveling to find locations for his sweatshops? Eric Idle wrote Spamalot using the blood of the babies he sacrificed in the ritual to Kali to try to bring back Graham Chapman? John Cleese lied about not liking crossdressing, and is a bigger transvestite than Eddie Izzard?



Someone once said that “The only way to satirize satire is with reality.” But what happens when reality itself becomes satire? Are we supposed to resort to total Dadaism? I’m not opposed to that idea, mind you, it’s just that sustained nonsense can be quite draining, not to mention difficult to maintain without repetition, but then it just becomes more noise. The truest Dadaism requires brain defects, like word salad, or machine intelligence, like Markov chains.



Ç’est la vie. Or, ç’est la guerre, as the gop would have you believe. But their conservative, Rakdos worldview has poisoned their minds for so long, they can’t even comprehend concepts such as altruism, compassion, kindness, empathy, or even sympathy. Y’know, everything .



But enough about politics, let’s move on to politics, with the continuation of No Reservations II. When last we left off with Homelands (ugh)², our tally was:

Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.

• 47 cards belong on The Reserved List.

• 96 card reprinted for Standard.

• 41 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.

• 91 cards that haven’t ever molested anyone, because they know right from wrong. They also know that they’re all so badly designed that they should never have made it to print.

• And Dark Ritual & Naked Singularity have both turned themselves in for crimes against Good Design, with Dark Ritual insisting on Life Imprisonment in The New Revised Reserved List, and Naked Singularity insisting on immediate death by Burning.



BSQ: 230/277, or 83.03249097472924%.



Let’s just get this over with.































Well, here it is, 4 days & 1 hour later, and I REALLY don’t wanna do this. Now I know how Wedge feels every time he does his Worst Cards Ever! videos. This set is shit, our world is shit, mebbe we’ll find a tosheroon, but I doubt it.























And we’re done with this episode, bar the tally. I wish I could bar this set. Where’s the nearest bar? I need a friggin’ drink after this.



I’m not listing which cards got a rarity change along with their reprinting, because except for Leeches, THEY ALL DID!!!



• 47 cards remain on The Reserved List.

• 102 cards get reprinted for Standard.

• 41 cards get reprinted in supplemental sets.

• 96 cards whose erasure from the timestream I should’ve had as the sixth item on that list.

• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List, while

• Naked Singularity has been added to the list of cards that should be erased from ever having existed.



This gives us a BSQ of 241/288, or 83.680{bar}5%. This set is making me physically ill.



Join us next week, where I’ll FINALLY be rid of this nightmarish abortion, and the week after that, where it’ll be happyfuntimes in Tosche Station. I wish I could just skip to that.



Until then, thanks to Daij_Djan, and I think I’m starting to suffer Stockholm Syndrome towards this set.



HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!