Post by sdfkjgh on Oct 5, 2018 3:28:11 GMT
Last time on No Reservations II:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 47 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 90 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 39 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•87 cards held up as examples of what NOT to do..
• While Dark Ritual is still 40 lifetimes in the hole, it’s got a new friend/blockmate:
•Naked Singularity.
BSQ: 218/265, or 82.26415094339623%.
We now rejoin No Reservations II, pt. 8a: Homelands, already in progress.
…And you look so fine, when you lie it just don’t show. I know which way the wind blo-o-ows a 40 oz. to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good even though I feel bad. And I know that oooooooooooohh, I’m not going back! O-o-o-ooooooooooooI’m not goin’ ba-ack! Oho, god knows, I’m not going back. O-o-o-ooooooooooooooooooI’m not goin’!
Ral: What the hell are you doing?
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the music! Lalala!
Ral: As usual, that music is all in your head.
Doesn’t mean it isn’t deafening! And thank god it is!
Ral: Don’t you have a column to write?
WHAT?! I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS AWESOME!!!
Ral: Cut it out, man, you’re not fooling anyone. You’ve got a job to do, so get to it.
LALALA! LALALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LALALA! LALALALA--
Ral: Dude, what the hell’s your problem?
Please don’t make me.
Ral: What?!
Please don’t make me review this godawful set.
Ral: Dude, it’s only 35 cards. I’ve looked over them all, and Ice Age actually had more outright bullshit--
Ice Age was a large set, with 50 Listed cards, OF COURSE it had more bullshit!
Ral: IF YOU’D LET ME FINISH, I was going to say that Ice Age had more bullshit per card than Homelands.
But it’s Homelands, man! The set so bad, they had to force tournament players to play with it! It even serves as a metaphor for The Reserved List, and what happens when you keep a promise to the detriment of the game!
Ral: Alright, quit showing off! C’mon, it won’t be that bad.
IT’S GOT ANTE, FER CHRISSAKES!! And banding! And World Enchantments! It’s an absolute fucking mess! It looks like what every first time amateur designer does: cram the fucker with way too much shit, with no rhyme, reason, or thought to cohesiveness! FUCKING VELDRANE OF SENGIR, asshole!!!
Ral: Don’t get ahead of yourself. And get to work!
Or what? You’ll sic your bosslas at me? That’s right! We all know! Your betrayal is now canon! You’re never gonna get Jace now! How does it feel to know your “boyfriend” is shacking up with a Gorgon--no, worse, a woman?!
Ral:…
Ral: Get to work now, or I’m telling Jund you’re never using him again, in favor of a near-constant use of Writer’s Block.
eeep! You wouldn’t!
Ral: Try me. I dare you!
I’ll be good.
Ral: And don’t you EVER speak of my Beleren again! Do I make myself clear?!
Yessir.
Ral: Now get to work!
And that’s it for part 1 of Homelands. Ral, you utter lying shit, we’re gonna have WORDS after this!
Ral: Yeah, yeah, tell it to Isperia! She won’t listen any more than I will.
You know The Firemind’s coming for you, right? You’re a dead man. You’re walking toast!
Ral: Just give them the stats, dramaqueen!
Fine.
• 47 cards belong on The Reserved List.
• 96 card reprinted for Standard (with, in this episode, Anaba Ancestor, Anaba Spirit Crafter, and Black Carriage downgraded from
to 
; and Aysen Crusader and Chain Stasis downgraded from to 
).
• 41 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•91 cards that I’m getting sick of finding new and ever more creative ways to destroy/vent my spleen upon.
• And Dark Ritual &Naked Singularity have been added to The New Revised Reserved List, & the vented spleen Pile, respectively.
BSQ: 230/277, or 83.03249097472924%. I hate the First Age of Design.
Join us next week for another “exciting” episode of Homelands.
Until then, for Ral “Dragon Fodder” Zarek, with thanks to Daij_Djan, this is a loathesome ball of hatred and bad habits, saying please save me from this horrible set.
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 47 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 90 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 39 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• While Dark Ritual is still 40 lifetimes in the hole, it’s got a new friend/blockmate:
•
BSQ: 218/265, or 82.26415094339623%.
We now rejoin No Reservations II, pt. 8a: Homelands, already in progress.
…And you look so fine, when you lie it just don’t show. I know which way the wind blo-o-ows a 40 oz. to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good even though I feel bad. And I know that oooooooooooohh, I’m not going back! O-o-o-ooooooooooooI’m not goin’ ba-ack! Oho, god knows, I’m not going back. O-o-o-ooooooooooooooooooI’m not goin’!
Ral: What the hell are you doing?
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the music! Lalala!
Ral: As usual, that music is all in your head.
Doesn’t mean it isn’t deafening! And thank god it is!
Ral: Don’t you have a column to write?
WHAT?! I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS AWESOME!!!
Ral: Cut it out, man, you’re not fooling anyone. You’ve got a job to do, so get to it.
LALALA! LALALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LALALA! LALALALA--
Ral: Dude, what the hell’s your problem?
Please don’t make me.
Ral: What?!
Please don’t make me review this godawful set.
Ral: Dude, it’s only 35 cards. I’ve looked over them all, and Ice Age actually had more outright bullshit--
Ice Age was a large set, with 50 Listed cards, OF COURSE it had more bullshit!
Ral: IF YOU’D LET ME FINISH, I was going to say that Ice Age had more bullshit per card than Homelands.
But it’s Homelands, man! The set so bad, they had to force tournament players to play with it! It even serves as a metaphor for The Reserved List, and what happens when you keep a promise to the detriment of the game!
Ral: Alright, quit showing off! C’mon, it won’t be that bad.
IT’S GOT ANTE, FER CHRISSAKES!! And banding! And World Enchantments! It’s an absolute fucking mess! It looks like what every first time amateur designer does: cram the fucker with way too much shit, with no rhyme, reason, or thought to cohesiveness! FUCKING VELDRANE OF SENGIR, asshole!!!
Ral: Don’t get ahead of yourself. And get to work!
Or what? You’ll sic your bosslas at me? That’s right! We all know! Your betrayal is now canon! You’re never gonna get Jace now! How does it feel to know your “boyfriend” is shacking up with a Gorgon--no, worse, a woman?!
Ral:…
Ral: Get to work now, or I’m telling Jund you’re never using him again, in favor of a near-constant use of Writer’s Block.
eeep! You wouldn’t!
Ral: Try me. I dare you!
I’ll be good.
Ral: And don’t you EVER speak of my Beleren again! Do I make myself clear?!
Yessir.
Ral: Now get to work!
{Didn’t I see this in a Jim Henson production somewhere?}
An-Zerrin Ruins 91
Price
Yes, An-Zerrin Ruins is in the wrong color (it’d be either
. 
, or some combination thereof if redone today), but as Stingscourger & Dead//Gone demonstrated, 
isn’t all that discerning when it comes to how a creature is removed, only that a creature is removed. I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that this effect become part of ’s share of The Color Pie (even though The Council of Colors is always looking for ways to increase that share), but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did it.
Honestly, it’s a good sideboard option, but not anything that would break Standard, unless it was already broken. Safety valves like this are what Standard always needs.
An-Zerrin Ruins 91
Price
Yes, An-Zerrin Ruins is in the wrong color (it’d be either
. , or some combination thereof if redone today), but as Stingscourger & Dead//Gone demonstrated, isn’t all that discerning when it comes to how a creature is removed, only that a creature is removed. I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that this effect become part of ’s share of The Color Pie (even though The Council of Colors is always looking for ways to increase that share), but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did it.Honestly, it’s a good sideboard option, but not anything that would break Standard, unless it was already broken. Safety valves like this are what Standard always needs.
{I’m gonna lump the next two together, for obvious reasons}
Anaba Ancestor & Anaba Spirit Crafter 92 & 93, both downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition III.
Price & Price
Even just looking at the Theros block Minotaurs, you get a real sense of why these two would be perfectly fine for Standard, even at; even if the +1/+1 pumping ability does tend to complicate things a bit.
Anaba Ancestor & Anaba Spirit Crafter 92 & 93, both downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition III.Price & Price
Even just looking at the Theros block Minotaurs, you get a real sense of why these two would be perfectly fine for Standard, even at
; even if the +1/+1 pumping ability does tend to complicate things a bit.{Ah, yes. The balsawood flute. One of these days, I’m gonna post that story, I promise. I just need to consult with Daij_Djan about all the formatting first.}
Apocalypse Chime88
Price
Hey, what’s the difference between a scalpel & a sledgehammer? Considering how terribad the set it’s in is, Apocalypse Chime is more like a Golden Squeaky Hammer. Yes, safety valves are needed, but more along the lines of Nevermore, not a useless hose for the worst set in the game’s history, making it doubly useless.
Apocalypse Chime
Price
Hey, what’s the difference between a scalpel & a sledgehammer? Considering how terribad the set it’s in is, Apocalypse Chime is more like a Golden Squeaky Hammer. Yes, safety valves are needed, but more along the lines of Nevermore, not a useless hose for the worst set in the game’s history, making it doubly useless.
{She used to be good. She used to be one of the few bright spots in the sludgepile of toxic waste that is Homelands. Now, she’s been obsoleted by a keyword!}
Autumn Willow 40
Price
Poor Autumn Willow. If ever we do return to Ulgrotha (& that’s a very BIG if), Autumn Willow will most likely get a new card, one that’s monumentally better, as fits with current design/development/power levels (they ain’t bullshit here, folks). She’s just so underwhelming now, so even if she were reprinted in Standard, she’d be considered trash or Limited fodder, at best.
However, if she were reprinted in a supplemental nostalgia reprint set, especially one that was lovingly & carefully curated, like the Masters sets originally were, before they were overdone to death, then she might have a chance, especially with the older, Commander crowd.
One last thing: the Gatherer comments are, once again, spot on with their collective analyses. Wizards, please resume support for Gatherer discussions! If you don’t it could lead to the creation of ANOTHER flash-in-the-pan format: Only cards with no Gatherer discussion allowed! You could call it Silent Minority.
Autumn Willow 40
Price
{Thrun may be a thousand times better, but Autumn Willow still looks prettier}
Every creature with hexproof or that grants hexproof to another creature.
Every 6-mana creature.
Every 4/4 creature, except for things like Halcyon Glaze.
Every creature with hexproof or that grants hexproof to another creature.
Every 6-mana creature.
Every 4/4 creature, except for things like Halcyon Glaze.
Poor Autumn Willow. If ever we do return to Ulgrotha (& that’s a very BIG if), Autumn Willow will most likely get a new card, one that’s monumentally better, as fits with current design/development/power levels (they ain’t bullshit here, folks). She’s just so underwhelming now, so even if she were reprinted in Standard, she’d be considered trash or Limited fodder, at best.
However, if she were reprinted in a supplemental nostalgia reprint set, especially one that was lovingly & carefully curated, like the Masters sets originally were, before they were overdone to death, then she might have a chance, especially with the older, Commander crowd.
One last thing: the Gatherer comments are, once again, spot on with their collective analyses. Wizards, please resume support for Gatherer discussions! If you don’t it could lead to the creation of ANOTHER flash-in-the-pan format: Only cards with no Gatherer discussion allowed! You could call it Silent Minority.
{This has to be one of the biggest winners of the Grand Creature Type Update.}
Aysen Crusader 94, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition II.
Price
With the Grand Creature Type Update, Wizards said ”No more Heroes.” I guess I kinda agree with such egalitarian sentiments, that anyone can be a Hero, but when everyone’s a Hero, then…
Anyway, Aysen Crusader could also be said to be like Crusader of Odric (Price) and its ilk in many respects. That view certainly rings true in a bunch of decks, even in Standard right now. Not much more to say about it, really.
Aysen Crusader 94, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition II.Price
{These are the closest equivalencies I could think of, and they only match up if you squint real hard & rotate your head about its z axis by about 200°, ±18°. You’d basically have to be an owl, is what I’m trying to say.}
Lovisa Coldeyes
Price
Sporecrown Thallid
Price
Lovisa Coldeyes
Price
Sporecrown Thallid
Price
With the Grand Creature Type Update, Wizards said ”No more Heroes.” I guess I kinda agree with such egalitarian sentiments, that anyone can be a Hero, but when everyone’s a Hero, then…
Anyway, Aysen Crusader could also be said to be like Crusader of Odric (Price) and its ilk in many respects. That view certainly rings true in a bunch of decks, even in Standard right now. Not much more to say about it, really.
{I still can’t believe that of the two, THIS is the better design!}
Aysen Highway89
Price
Everything I said about Hidden Path holds true for Aysen Highway. At least R&D matured enough in the interim to relax the colored mana requirement! "Let weak feed on weak, that we may divine the nature of strength" indeed.
Aysen Highway
Price
Everything I said about Hidden Path holds true for Aysen Highway. At least R&D matured enough in the interim to relax the colored mana requirement! "Let weak feed on weak, that we may divine the nature of strength" indeed.
{Here it is, folks. The only Arcane that completely obsoletes an older card.}
Baki’s Curse90
Price
I love the flavor of Arcane, but they really shouldn’t have made splice be so restrictive. If it was splice onto instant or splice onto sorcery, or even (dare I say it?) splice onto creature spell (where the spliced text happens as an etbf ability), it would’ve been so much better. They could’ve even kept splice onto Arcane as a subset for a subtheme. Instead, it’s languishing in the dustbin of bad ideas, and Wizards is extremely averse to redeeming it.
Much like their aversion, with extreme prejudice, towards Homelands, and its many, MANY mistakes, such as Baki’s Curse. Like the Gatherer peeps have pointed out, it’s a terribad card.
Baki’s Curse
Price
I love the flavor of Arcane, but they really shouldn’t have made splice be so restrictive. If it was splice onto instant or splice onto sorcery, or even (dare I say it?) splice onto creature spell (where the spliced text happens as an etbf ability), it would’ve been so much better. They could’ve even kept splice onto Arcane as a subset for a subtheme. Instead, it’s languishing in the dustbin of bad ideas, and Wizards is extremely averse to redeeming it.
Much like their aversion, with extreme prejudice, towards Homelands, and its many, MANY mistakes, such as Baki’s Curse. Like the Gatherer peeps have pointed out, it’s a terribad card.
{The face of the set. Overcosted by about 
. The source of all the oldtimers’ Rose-colored glasses nostalgia for the worst set ever.}
Baron Sengir95 As if! Did you really think I’d taken leave of my senses that much? +2/+2 counters? Are you shitting me? Not after the Tenth Edition consolidation of counter types! C’mon, it’s 41 or nothin’.
Price
I was trying to emulate The Baron’s flavor text with that spoiler heading. How’d I do?
I’ma ruin Baron Sengir for you forever. Look at his art, then picture in your head how you think his voice would sound. Deep, basso profundo, or quiet, commanding, whispery rasp? It doesn’t matter, because Clap! Clap! Play either of the Sonny games until you come to this guy. Kaboom! Now you’ll never be able to not associate Baron Sengir with that mincing, fey voice again! MUAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!
. The source of all the oldtimers’ Rose-colored glasses nostalgia for the worst set ever.}Baron Sengir
Price
{Tonight I’m going to suck………your blood!}
”Hey, Lefty. You remember what happened last time you tangled with me?”
”Hey, Lefty. You remember what happened last time you tangled with me?”
I was trying to emulate The Baron’s flavor text with that spoiler heading. How’d I do?
I’ma ruin Baron Sengir for you forever. Look at his art, then picture in your head how you think his voice would sound. Deep, basso profundo, or quiet, commanding, whispery rasp? It doesn’t matter, because Clap! Clap! Play either of the Sonny games until you come to this guy. Kaboom! Now you’ll never be able to not associate Baron Sengir with that mincing, fey voice again! MUAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!
{When even Aaron Forsythe calls your card a dumpster fire, you know you’ve got problems.}
Beast Walkers91
Price
It’s not even work the effort of providing better cards.
It’s a shame Aaron Forsythe’s full commentary has been lost, HINT, HINT WIZARDS!!!
Beast Walkers
Price
It’s not even work the effort of providing better cards.
It’s a shame Aaron Forsythe’s full commentary has been lost, HINT, HINT WIZARDS!!!
{Hey, Ral? What was that you were saying about Ice Age having more bullshit per card? We have yet to find a single card in Homelands that actually deserves to be Listed!}
Black Carriage 95, downgraded from to , because it’s a perfect lenticular design : the beginner sees a 4/4 trampler with a bit of a drawback, while the more advanced player sees an untapping engine.
Price
Prosecution rests.
Black Carriage 95, downgraded from
to , because it’s a perfect lenticular design : the beginner sees a 4/4 trampler with a bit of a drawback, while the more advanced player sees an untapping engine.Price
Prosecution rests.
{Chains! My baby’s got me locked up in chains. And they ain’t the kind that you can seeee! Oh-oh-these chains of lo-o-ove have got a hold on me, yeah!}
Chain Stasis 96, downgraded from to , to match up with the provided examples.
Price
Do I even need to say anything?
Chain Stasis 96, downgraded from
to , to match up with the provided examples.Price
Do I even need to say anything?
And that’s it for part 1 of Homelands. Ral, you utter lying shit, we’re gonna have WORDS after this!
Ral: Yeah, yeah, tell it to Isperia! She won’t listen any more than I will.
You know The Firemind’s coming for you, right? You’re a dead man. You’re walking toast!
Ral: Just give them the stats, dramaqueen!
Fine.
• 47 cards belong on The Reserved List.
• 96 card reprinted for Standard (with, in this episode, Anaba Ancestor, Anaba Spirit Crafter, and Black Carriage downgraded from
to ; and Aysen Crusader and Chain Stasis downgraded from to ).• 41 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual &
BSQ: 230/277, or 83.03249097472924%. I hate the First Age of Design.
Join us next week for another “exciting” episode of Homelands.
Until then, for Ral “Dragon Fodder” Zarek, with thanks to Daij_Djan, this is a loathesome ball of hatred and bad habits, saying please save me from this horrible set.
