Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 9, 2018 18:38:12 GMT
It’s 11:03 am, 7/28/18, and around a pleasant 72° F right now as I write this, and it feels like I’m in a fever dream where everything is nice, peaceful, there’s no craziness going on, the ship of state hasn’t been unmoored1, and everyone is cordial to each other. It’s absolutely horrible!
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 70 card reprinted in Standard.
• 29 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•60 cards that never should have been.
• And Dark Ritual is still added to The Reserved List like it should’ve been in the first place.
Giving us a BSQ of 160/201, or 79.60199004975124%.
Welcome to Fallen Empires part Bear2.
And that’s it for this terrible set. 13 cards this episode, only 4 of which were to be reprinted WITHOUT a downgrading. I hate this set so much! Tally:
• 41 cards stay on The List8.
• 78 cards reprinted for Standard.
• 31 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•63 cards that would be better served as laminate for home insulation.
• And Dark Ritual had another parole revoked.
This gives us a BSQ of 173/214, or 80.8411214953271%. And it’s only gonna get worse…
Next week, I’ll be showcasing a deck that I can’t believe it took me this long to do so for on the new site. Then, the week after that, we’ll be starting up Ice Age. My prediction: it’ll still be too damn hot where I live to get any sort of vicarious cooling out of the set.
Until then, all thanks and praises to Editor-in-Chief Daij_Djan, and I’ll see you all next time.
nehoo, here’s our usual recap:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 70 card reprinted in Standard.
• 29 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual is still added to The Reserved List like it should’ve been in the first place.
Giving us a BSQ of 160/201, or 79.60199004975124%.
Welcome to Fallen Empires part Bear2.
{We’re already off to a great start! #MaximumSarcasmDrippingWithScorn}
Icatian Skirmishers61
Price
Why in the name of Article II, Section 4 is Icatian Skirmishers a
? Why did I expend so much energy on finding better choices, when we all know banding is grounds for immediate Burning? The world may never know…
Icatian Skirmishers
Price
Why in the name of Article II, Section 4 is Icatian Skirmishers a
? Why did I expend so much energy on finding better choices, when we all know banding is grounds for immediate Burning? The world may never know…{I’m only gonna do one example this time, because it’s pretty much the definitive argument.}
Implements of Sacrifice 71, downgraded from3 to 
, as per the provided equivalency.
Price
Vessel of FUCKING VOLATILITY, bitches!!!
Price
PROSECUTION RESTS!!!
Implements of Sacrifice 71, downgraded from
3 to , as per the provided equivalency.Price
Vessel of FUCKING VOLATILITY, bitches!!!
Price
PROSECUTION RESTS!!!
{I guess this is positing that rainbows are holy?}
Rainbow Vale 72
Price
Rainbow Vale=Holy Grail? At least according to the flavor text.
Yes, this would be a better fit in Commander, but I’m certain that it’s safe enough, even in a heavily-multicolor environment like Shards of Alara block or any visit to Ravnica, that it could be fine in Standard. Its own ability would limit its usefulness to only certain types of decks, and even those decks might not even run it.
But most of all, I want it reprinted for Standard to most prove my point that it doesn’t belong on The Reserved List, and Standard sends that message much louder and clearer than Commander.
Rainbow Vale 72
Price
Rainbow Vale=Holy Grail? At least according to the flavor text.
Yes, this would be a better fit in Commander, but I’m certain that it’s safe enough, even in a heavily-multicolor environment like Shards of Alara block or any visit to Ravnica, that it could be fine in Standard. Its own ability would limit its usefulness to only certain types of decks, and even those decks might not even run it.
But most of all, I want it reprinted for Standard to most prove my point that it doesn’t belong on The Reserved List, and Standard sends that message much louder and clearer than Commander.
{We did it! We found the one card that is both perfect for Dredge, and that no Dredge deck wants!}
Ring of Renewal62
Price
Ring of Renewal is yet another card that was designed/developed completely out of playability, just like the entire Global Series failed experiment5. It would’ve been ok at both a much lower mana cost and activation cost. The discard didn’t need to be random. And it DEFINITELY shouldn’t have been rare as it is now! The only “good” thing about it is that there’s no penalty for activating it with an empty hand, but for 5 mana, you should be drawing three cards with that restriction, or two cards with no restrictions!
Ring of Renewal
Price
{Soratami, what’re your takes on this?}
Draw two cards
Draws two cards
This is by no means comprehensive, as it neglects cards that are capable of putting multiple cards into a player’s hand from a library.
Draw two cards
Draws two cards
This is by no means comprehensive, as it neglects cards that are capable of putting multiple cards into a player’s hand from a library.
Ring of Renewal is yet another card that was designed/developed completely out of playability, just like the entire Global Series failed experiment5. It would’ve been ok at both a much lower mana cost and activation cost. The discard didn’t need to be random. And it DEFINITELY shouldn’t have been rare as it is now! The only “good” thing about it is that there’s no penalty for activating it with an empty hand, but for 5 mana, you should be drawing three cards with that restriction, or two cards with no restrictions!
{I guess this qualifies as “trash fish”.}
River Merfolk 73, downgraded from3 to , as per Masters Edition.
Price
Cards like River Merfolk make it painfully clear that a lot of cards are on The List only because someone didn’t understand how to properly rate rarity. Specific cards like Canyon Wildcat & Deeptread Merrow prove just how bullshit River Merfolk’s Listed status is.
River Merfolk 73, downgraded from
3 to , as per Masters Edition.Price
Cards like River Merfolk make it painfully clear that a lot of cards are on The List only because someone didn’t understand how to properly rate rarity. Specific cards like Canyon Wildcat & Deeptread Merrow prove just how bullshit River Merfolk’s Listed status is.
{Look at it. This is how we got Equipment.}
Spirit Shield 74, downgraded from3 to , because things like Slagwurm Armor.
Price
Probably the best thing about Spirit Shield is the Gatherer comments about it. This is another card that was wrongly rarity profiled.
Spirit Shield 74, downgraded from
3 to , because things like Slagwurm Armor.Price
Probably the best thing about Spirit Shield is the Gatherer comments about it. This is another card that was wrongly rarity profiled.
{Pretty sure I read a Gruulfriends (Nissa/Chandra) slashfic that went something like this}
Thelon’s Curse 75, downgraded from to 
, because strictly sideboard hate like this isn’t worth a slot in the cardfile.
Price
Thelon’s Curse is a perfect hate card: narrow, extremely effective against its singular focus, and worthless vs. everything else. Such cards only ever show up in sideboards, unless something has gone completely wrong with the current meta.
But this should be common knowledge by now, so why am I stating the obvious? If you couldn’t already tell, it’s because I can’t think of anything else to say to argue my case. It’s almost at the point where these things should be self-evident.
Thelon’s Curse 75, downgraded from
to , because strictly sideboard hate like this isn’t worth a slot in the cardfile.Price
Thelon’s Curse is a perfect hate card: narrow, extremely effective against its singular focus, and worthless vs. everything else. Such cards only ever show up in sideboards, unless something has gone completely wrong with the current meta.
But this should be common knowledge by now, so why am I stating the obvious? If you couldn’t already tell, it’s because I can’t think of anything else to say to argue my case. It’s almost at the point where these things should be self-evident.
{You wanna know how they got to the Nantuko in the Otaria storyline? Well look no further:}
Jazz Mantis 76; see below.
Price
Yes, this is pretty similar to Quarum Trench Gnomes. So why am I ruling in favor of a Standard reprinting for Jazz Mantis, when back in Episode 4e I ruled supplemental for the Gnomes? Because Jazz Mantis’ activation cost is a little too steep, its mana cost is a bit too high, and its body a bit too fragile to be much of a threat, as opposed to the Gnomes, whose activation cost is far too easy & cheap. Plus, Jazz Mantis can probably only ever go in a mono- or heavy-
deck.
Jazz Mantis 76; see below.
Price
Yes, this is pretty similar to Quarum Trench Gnomes. So why am I ruling in favor of a Standard reprinting for Jazz Mantis, when back in Episode 4e I ruled supplemental for the Gnomes? Because Jazz Mantis’ activation cost is a little too steep, its mana cost is a bit too high, and its body a bit too fragile to be much of a threat, as opposed to the Gnomes, whose activation cost is far too easy & cheap. Plus, Jazz Mantis can probably only ever go in a mono- or heavy-
deck.{Because it’s insane to allow a Lord that can steal its subjects, right?}
Thrull Champion 77
Price
Here’s all the Thrulls, and here’s all the non-Thrull cards that mention Thrulls. That’s 31 cards, not even enough to build a deck around, once you weed out all the unplayables. This is yet another example of how this blanket decision detrimentally affected whole swaths of cards that never caused any harm to either the game or the secondary markets. What more needs to be said, other than have all the 5-mana 2/2s.
Thrull Champion 77
Price
Here’s all the Thrulls, and here’s all the non-Thrull cards that mention Thrulls. That’s 31 cards, not even enough to build a deck around, once you weed out all the unplayables. This is yet another example of how this blanket decision detrimentally affected whole swaths of cards that never caused any harm to either the game or the secondary markets. What more needs to be said, other than have all the 5-mana 2/2s.
{I do believe this is the first mention of time counters in the game. It’s almost certainly the earliest printed mention of them}
Tourach’s Gate 30
Price
Were it not for Endrek Sahr, Master Breeder6, Tourach’s Gate would go straight to The Burn Pile. When you compare Tourach’s Gate to Trumpet Blast in a vacuum, the Gate comes out of it looking extremely foolish. With the addition of Endrek Sahr, however, the Gate becomes a vital part of a value engine. Since Commander thrives on weird, corner-case shit like this, I figure why not let them have it?
Tourach’s Gate 30
Price
Were it not for Endrek Sahr, Master Breeder6, Tourach’s Gate would go straight to The Burn Pile. When you compare Tourach’s Gate to Trumpet Blast in a vacuum, the Gate comes out of it looking extremely foolish. With the addition of Endrek Sahr, however, the Gate becomes a vital part of a value engine. Since Commander thrives on weird, corner-case shit like this, I figure why not let them have it?
{Flying Fish?}
Vodalian Knights 31, downgraded from3 to , as per Masters Edition.
Price
I was all set to give Vodalian Knights a Standard reprinting, but then I noticed it has first strike. First strike. In mono-
. That’s just wrong! Sir Flying Fish isn’t necessarily a bad card per se, it’s just that islandhome (that Island-based double-drawback) really detracts from what could’ve been a perfectly decent .
There’s also some interesting trivia about it.7 Note to prospective designers: Fallen Empires demonstrates the value and necessity of evasion in general, and flying in particular, to this game. DON’T BE LIKE THE EAST COAST PLAYTESTERS!
Vodalian Knights 31, downgraded from
3 to , as per Masters Edition.Price
I was all set to give Vodalian Knights a Standard reprinting, but then I noticed it has first strike. First strike. In mono-
. That’s just wrong! Sir Flying Fish isn’t necessarily a bad card per se, it’s just that islandhome (that Island-based double-drawback) really detracts from what could’ve been a perfectly decent .There’s also some interesting trivia about it.7 Note to prospective designers: Fallen Empires demonstrates the value and necessity of evasion in general, and flying in particular, to this game. DON’T BE LIKE THE EAST COAST PLAYTESTERS!
{There’s a case to be made that this could be the first Vehicle.}
Vodalian War Machine63
Price
Good god, creatures suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkedd back in the bad old days!!! The good news with Vodalian War Machine: you could tap five untapped Merfolk you control to have an 8/8 attacker. The bad news with Vodalian War Machine: you just tapped down an entire army’s worth of creatures just to have 1 big attacker, and that attacker has the hugest target on it ever, as one kill spell will take out all the guys tapped to make it useful. Congratulations, you just made a worthless, chump-blockable, potential one-sided Wrath, when you should’ve just attacked with your five Merfolk! You dumbass! Nice whatever the fuck is going on in that art!
Vodalian War Machine
Price
Good god, creatures suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkedd back in the bad old days!!! The good news with Vodalian War Machine: you could tap five untapped Merfolk you control to have an 8/8 attacker. The bad news with Vodalian War Machine: you just tapped down an entire army’s worth of creatures just to have 1 big attacker, and that attacker has the hugest target on it ever, as one kill spell will take out all the guys tapped to make it useful. Congratulations, you just made a worthless, chump-blockable, potential one-sided Wrath, when you should’ve just attacked with your five Merfolk! You dumbass! Nice whatever the fuck is going on in that art!
{Yay, it’s the last one of this godawful set!}
Zelyon Sword 78, downgraded from3 to , because Spirit Shield, & the provided equivalencies.
Price
You remember everything I wrote about Spirit Shield? Good, becauseI don’t; would you please remind me? all of that still holds true for Zelyon Sword.
Zelyon Sword 78, downgraded from
3 to , because Spirit Shield, & the provided equivalencies.Price
You remember everything I wrote about Spirit Shield? Good, because
And that’s it for this terrible set. 13 cards this episode, only 4 of which were to be reprinted WITHOUT a downgrading. I hate this set so much! Tally:
• 41 cards stay on The List8.
• 78 cards reprinted for Standard.
• 31 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual had another parole revoked.
This gives us a BSQ of 173/214, or 80.8411214953271%. And it’s only gonna get worse…
Next week, I’ll be showcasing a deck that I can’t believe it took me this long to do so for on the new site. Then, the week after that, we’ll be starting up Ice Age. My prediction: it’ll still be too damn hot where I live to get any sort of vicarious cooling out of the set.
Until then, all thanks and praises to Editor-in-Chief Daij_Djan, and I’ll see you all next time.
{Footnotes}
| 1 | There’s an Obama joke in there that relates to the history of the Iberian Peninsula, the etymology of the root of the word “unmoored”, the treachery of assumptions of roots, the treachery of homophones, The Treachery of Images, the crisis of a system of checks and balances being defeated by inaction, and the fact that a moldy Lik-m-Aid stick from 1952 would be doing a better job. |
| 2 | A.k.a. part two of two, aka 2/2. |
| 3 | WHY?!?!!4 |
| 4 | I fully expect the previous footnote to be reused HEAVILY during this episode. |
| 5 | You didn’t want it playable in Standard, but you wanted it playable in Standard; you didn’t want it to warp Standard, so you warped Standard to allow it to be playable in one relatively small corner of the globe. Well, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! Nobody’s buying it, because you made sure to surgically remove every trace of excitement from your new product, then release it into one of the most fiercely competitive areas in the world. Are you happy now? You start out with the noble goal of increasing diversity and inclusion of world mythologies and cultures, then you doom it to failure by both making sure nobody wants it, and that nobody can understand how it fits into the current environment. Would it have killed you to’ve made even one of these disastrously bad decisions differently than you did? |
| 6 | Price |
| 7 | Here’s some more interesting trivia about the set itself. I contend that it’s early decisions like this that led to the debacle that was Chronicles, which is what brought about The Reserved List. |
| 8 | You know a set’s bad when this needle doesn’t move the entire review. |