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Post by sdfkjgh on Jun 28, 2024 20:25:08 GMT
Duskmourn, House of HorrorsSo, the section on Survivors sounds sooo much like The Foundation. I even said as much to Gavin. The House Institute is the overarching mandate of The Foundation, The Doorblades are MTFs, The Benefactors are logistics and suppliers within The Foundation--ok, so there really isn't a full 1:1 on that one, as The Foundation and its MTFs already do most of their own logistics & supply, but obligatory Meatloaf reference.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Jul 16, 2024 21:47:30 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 20, 2024 2:10:35 GMT
1) The opening section is just Beetlejuice! 2) "Tyvar Kell, elf prince of Kaldheim, stood shirtless in the snow, feet set in a warrior's stance, a broad smile on his face as he stared down the massive wolf in front of him." Everything before "stared down" is just Tyvar's natural state of being, completely implicit to our understanding of the character at the very mention of his name. Therefore, I shall fix this for them: "Tyvar Kell stared down the massive wolf in front of him." 3) '"Why isn't that man wearing a shirt?" asked Zimone.' SEE?!! 4) '"But fate believes in you," said Tyvar, clapping Niko on the shoulder. "Come, let us disbelieve this stranger to her face."' God, I love Tyvar's Big, Dumb Himbo energy. 5)'"You're late," she said bluntly, with none of the respect Kaito would have expected her to extend to a massive flying predator.' DING! |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 21, 2024 3:03:33 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 22, 2024 9:12:51 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 23, 2024 17:57:35 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 23, 2024 18:06:07 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 27, 2024 4:01:15 GMT
"Their flesh is the House's flesh, and now … so are we."Dammit, Tyvar! Stop being so clever! You're supposed to be himbo beefcake, not someone smart enough to imitate the sophisticated defense & counter-defense mechanisms of endoparasites! '"I'm sorry," said Tyvar, sounding stricken. "The things I was thinking of doing to you—I'm so sorry. A hero should never."' THAT'S more like it!
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 28, 2024 13:32:44 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Aug 29, 2024 1:59:03 GMT
magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/episode-five-dont-give-in1) '"During the assault on New Phyrexia, I watched many of my allies lose themselves forever," he said, voice hollow. "Upon my return home, to my fair Kaldheim, I saw that same fate befall too many. I saw the World Tree burn. Koma, who I had revered, whose favor I had sought, fell to that cruel transformation. I felt it spread, across two worlds, and I know what the process feels like to the magic of my own changes. I simply wait to feel like the world is ending, and when it does, I let the magic go." "I'm sorry," said Zimone. "I didn't mean to—" "But, we should be moving along," he said, jovial once more. He put one hand against the wall and the other on her shoulder, and the flesh of the House flowed over them, and sorrow and grief and loss were suddenly far away, hidden behind a veil of nightmares.' Hmm, it seems our himbo has hidden depths. 2) '"Perhaps she's a ghost?" suggested Tyvar. "A spirit of some sort? She doesn't seem to be aware of our presence, and even wrapped in the body of this house, I'm difficult to overlook." Zimone looked at him unbelievingly. "Are you bragging about how hot you are? Like, right now?" "I am simply stating facts—and look. She's leaving."' Once a himbo, always a himbo. 3) '"Normally, I would view this as a massive invasion of privacy," said Zimone. It had taken them three rooms to find an unbroken table where they could settle to review her find. "I looked at Rootha's diary once, and she went on this whole little monologue about how easily people burn. I'm not even sure she was trying to scare me by the end. She was mostly just reassuring herself, and fire keeps her calm. Anyway, diaries are supposed to be top secret, don't look, not ever, but I think our circumstances are a little unique."' Ahhh, so nice to hear more about my fiery little waifu. How I long to pierce my upper lip on her cute tusks, so that we may forevermore be locked in deep, passionate kissing! 4) 'All those things were set dressings, immutable facts of the environment, and nowhere near so disturbing as what the room contained. Half a dozen humanoid figures in long robes shaped like moth's wings, clean and well mended but tattered at the hems. It took Niko a moment to realize why the condition of their clothing was so ominous. There were no patches. No stains. They had the luxury of caring for themselves in a way that Winter never had, and by extension, the rest of the survivors wandering the House would have been denied. In this place, cleanliness was virtually a declaration of power.' I'm a fervent anticapitalist, possibly even so far as to be a Communist (still need to read Marx & Engels), but shit like this pushes me towards complete and total anarchism! END THE POWER-IMBALANCING HIERARCHIES! SMASH THE SYSTEMS THAT OPPRESS!! 5) 'The Wanderer was the first to wake. Being jerked back and forth across the Multiverse by her own spark for years had left her better equipped than most to recover from sudden shocks to the system, and she was able to shake off the lingering effects of the sedative dust to find herself held up by loops of some white, cottony material, pinning her tightly to a post. They were in a different cavern now, this one larger and darker, with jagged outcroppings of rock on the wall. She could see her companions, tied to stone posts of their own around the edges of the room.' I'm reminded of every scene in the first two Ghostbusters movies where they confront a ghost and it goes badly for them.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 1, 2024 4:01:12 GMT
magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/episode-six-dont-die1) 'Niko strained against their bonds. They were still as tight as they had been in the beginning and showed no signs of slackening. From behind them, they heard the distinctive sound of wood slamming into flesh, accompanied by a yelp, and then a familiar voice drowned out everything else, as Tyvar boomed, "Bad form, to start the battle without us!" A cultist flew past Niko to smash into the wall, clearly having been flung across the room, and a terrible figure appeared next to them. It was shaped like Zimone, but unlike Zimone, it had skin made of water-damaged, splintered wood and rusting nails in place of teeth. It reached for them with its horrible hands, fingers like crooked hinges and palms like broken shingles, and Niko tried to shy away, moving as far as the ropes would allow. "Calm down," said the figure, and its voice was Zimone's, and the figure was Zimone, somehow transformed like the wickerfolk. She reached for them again, and this time they didn't move as she hooked those hinge-fingers under the first loop of rope and began to saw away at it, cutting the fiber simply by flexing her hand. Another cultist flew across the room, as the air behind them was shattered by shouts and peals of laughter. Tyvar, it seemed, was still having the time of his life. "At least someone's having a good day," muttered Niko. Zimone offered them a horrible smile, the expression rendered nightmarish by the unfamiliar angles of her face. "I don't think he knows how to have a bad day for very long," she said.' Ok, I'm starting to love this big, dumb himbo. 2) '"I was top of my class in theoretical combat math," said Zimone. She pulled another cascade of lines from the box, lobbing it carelessly at Tyvar. When it struck his skin, it began to lace together into a sort of knotted armor, which deflected the next blow that would have hit him. Tyvar blinked, then beamed. "Behold the power of math!" he proclaimed, turning and punching the cultist squarely in the face.' I did a thing.3) 'Below her, Nashi scurried to the plinth, grabbing the box above which Tamiyo's image hung. He reached inside it, and as his fingers were about to close around her scroll, she turned to face him. "Wait!" she cried. Nashi froze. "I'm here to save you," he said. "Mom, you have to let me save you." "They've been stealing my stories, Nashi," she said. "Taking them apart and taking them away. I don't remember the things they stole from me. But I remember you. I will always, always remember you." "Mom …" "Those stories were what let me exist in this form. They were my blood and breath and bones after all those things were lost, and now they've been taken. The people who took me have me connected to this ghost-trap to keep me here—that is the only thing keeping me here, Nashi. They are the only thing keeping me here. You can't save me this time." "Mom. No." Nashi looked at her, whiskers flat and ears pressed tight against his skull, quivering in his confusion and mystery. "Oh, my sweetest boy, there are stories whose endings can be changed, and those that can't. My ending was written years ago. Your mother—your real mother—loved you so, so much, Nashi, she loved you so much that the story of her love is one of the only ones I haven't forgotten. When they tried to take it, they found that without it, the rest of me would unravel and fade away immediately. They made me call out to you, Nashi, because you were the story that hung in my heart. They made me lure you here, hunters trapping the moon, and I am sorry. I am so, so sorry." "Mom …" Nashi's tears overflowed his eyes. The fight around them had faded into a background of shouts and clashing weapons, less important than his mother's flickering shade. "Please. I need you." "You can't save me, but you don't need to. You don't need me, Nashi, not anymore. Look at what you've accomplished! You made a hero's charge into the heart of a demon house to save the unsavable. And look at the people who came to help you, simply because you needed it. You are more loved than you can know. Now go, Nashi. Go, and be as spectacular as she always knew you would be." Nashi held up the small object the Wanderer had pressed into his hand. "She told me I could change my fate. She told me … I could …" "No, my love. It doesn't reach back far enough for that. My book is closed; my tale is done. I only ask one thing more from you." "What?" "Let me go." Nashi stared at her, silent and horrified. "I still have stories they could steal from me. Please, love, please. Let me go, so the work that was my life won't be turned to evil any longer. Free me, dear one. Free me." Nashi turned his face away, back toward the chaos behind him.' I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying! Damn onion ninjas! Gimme a minute, I'll be fine. Wait, nope. I won't be fine...  4) 'Niko was fighting their way to the door, flinging shards into the bodies of cultists and stepping over those Tyvar had already felled. Tyvar was still swinging with reckless abandon, finally in his element as he battled the seemingly endless hoard. Zimone followed close behind him, guarding his back with her magic and machine. Valgavoth roared, wings flexing. The walls shuddered, and cellarspawn and nightmares spilled out of them, pouring into the room. Tyvar grabbed Zimone, and the horror of the House swept over her again, transforming her. The magic stopped spilling from her box. She shot Tyvar a wounded look. "It's the only way to keep you safe," he explained. "None of us are safe," snapped Zimone. "True enough," said Tyvar, and turned to beat back the nightmare squid creature that had been flowing toward them, tentacles grasping at the air.' Thank you, most favorite Himbo, for lightening my mood by bringing joy! 5) 'Nashi stopped walking. The others were almost to the second door before the Wanderer looked back, frowning. "Nashi?" she asked. Nashi looked at the empty scroll in his hands. "Your body is on Kamigawa, with us," he told it. "But your spirit belongs to the Blind Eternities. I know that. I hope you can rest now. I hope you know you did the right thing. Your story's done, but mine's just starting. I love you." He put the scroll down on the hallway floor and ran after the others, stepping with them out into the light of the Ravnican afternoon.' Damn onion ninjas are back... 6) '"It seems all has been revealed," said Tyvar, almost philosophically.' Aaaand, Tyvar lightens the mood again with a quip about his shirtlessness. We stan a beefcake himbo. 7) The final passage (which I won't quote to avoid spoilers) looks to me like they are setting up Valgavoth to be the new Phyrexian menace, and I don't mean New Phyrexia. I mean a multiverse-spanning threat that seeks to consume and convert all to itself. On the one hand, I hope they don't screw it up like last time, give the story time to unfold, unravel, and denoument properly, and not with a literal deus ex machina and a lack of ontological inertia. On the other hand, Phyrexian forces are still out there, still ruling over conquered planes, still seeking to conquer even more, so I have no idea why we can't go back to them at some future point. I just hope it won't be done and hand-wavy and artlessly as Rise of Skywalker.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 1, 2024 6:41:03 GMT
magic.wizards.com/en/news/feature/planeswalkers-guide-to-duskmourn1) 'Marina watched, horrified, as the entity came alive and devoured them. Too late, she realized that her "friend" was something far more malevolent than she could have realized. She fled the basement and locked the door, vowing that she would never have anything to do with the entity again. However, it was already too late. People around Marina began to meet sudden, unexplained, and terrifying ends. The neighborhood began to warp as well, twisting and growing strange and terrifying. But most disquieting of all, the house itself began to warp and grow.' Reminds me of House of Leaves and MyHouse.wad. 2) Geography of DuskmournOk, this entire section is just the Winchester Mystery House turned up to 11,000,000, then the dial bashed, punched, bludgeoned, sawed, filed, shot, stabbed, EMPed, and detonated until it "mysteriously" fell off, leading the newly-rich coroner to proclaim it a "suicide by natural causes". 3) "The Boilerbilges is characterized by the most overtly treacherous terrain in the House, full of precipitous drops, jagged architecture, and belching flames. It's also prone to violent, destructive events, like earthquakes and fire twisters, making survival in this zone an even less likely prospect than normal." To reiterate my prior statement about Fallout 4, this sounds like The Glowing Sea. 4) "Hallways choked with thorny vines and brambles. Overgrown greenhouses full of specimens both venomous and carnivorous. Isolated cabins in the middle of dense, lightless woods. Crumbling domes strung with wicker hexes and strangled by trees shaped like human hands." I would link to a picture of the Doom sprite of the half-burnt, hand-shaped tree stump, but google is only returing the other tree sprite, the curving one that looks vaguely like a person frog-standing with their head buried in the ground. 5) ' Cellarspawn
"No matter where I went, that … thing was there. Lurking in the corner of my eye. Leaving claw marks on the walls. Every shadow was spying on me, it was waiting behind every closed door. I couldn't take it anymore. When it finally got me, I almost wanted to cry with relief. Anything, I thought, would be better than the suspense." – Nialle, former survivor' Reminds me of the now unfortunately gone List of Things Dr. Bright Is No Longer Allowed to Do, specifically "Dr. Bright is barred from daring new recruits to loudly ring SCP-513 while yelling "BING BONG, BRING IT ON!" If you're wondering why it's gone, do your own research. 6) ' The Cult of Valgavoth
"They brought us into a haven of plenty that seemed unreal, so idyllic was it. They gave us food. They welcomed us into their community. Smiling—always smiling. I had never felt so free of fear before. I wished I could enjoy this peace forever. When I told this to them, they took me to the other room and showed me the cocoons and said, 'There is a way.'" – Carl, former survivor' I've said it before, & I'll say it again: DEATH TO THE BOURGEOISIE!!!7) "The cult views itself as steward of the House, responsible for maintaining it and ensuring its smooth running. Attendants make up the bulk of the cult's members and are tasked with basic maintenance. They patch up cracks in the walls, exterminate pesky gremlins, and repair architectural damage caused by invasive plant growth. Strictors enforce the cult's rules and schedule of participation in rituals. At their discretion, cultists who display undue fear or weakness of faith can be assigned extra time in the Rite of the Threshold. Cocooniers are keepers of the cult's rites and beliefs, in charge of the actual running of all rituals." Ok, the Saturday morning cartoon version of this story has Valgavoth and his infernal house being completely defeated by a door opening to Kaladesh, and Saheeli just dumping ALL the gremlins through the door, leading to the pests devouring errthing, and An Aesop about the dangers of invasive species, when mebbe the better Aesop would've been "Don't sacrifice your bullies to an ancient, bound Demon." 8) "Glitch ghosts are the last remnant of "outside" the House, relics of what the plane of Duskmourn used to be. When Valgavoth started consuming the plane, he found that there were places that he couldn't subsume or destroy. His solution was to simply push and compress them to the very edges of the space that Duskmourn occupied in the Blind Eternities. Instead of compressing these spaces into nonexistence though, they ended up pushing back on the House. This pressure stresses the structure of the House, causing cracks and fractures that must be constantly repaired. In some of the more decayed sections of the House, whole sections of walls might be crumbled away, revealing an unyielding, impenetrable canvas of the same warped, corrupted texture as the glitch ghosts themselves." Hmmm, this sounds a bit familiar...9) Razorkin Ok, this entire section sounds exactly like the republican mindset, their propaganda machine of foxnews, oann, et al., and various other supporters, cheerleaders, and other various fascism apologists. I'd especially like to point out: 9a) "Their territory is a series of elaborate death-trap rooms and torture chambers within the Boilerbilges known collectively as the razor mazes. Here, the House's geography has been modified to be even more convoluted, making it nearly impossible for anyone to escape from playing a starring role in razorkin tortures." This also sounds familiar.10) Quickened Toys11) "Unable to act directly against Valgavoth, the remaining demons are reduced to venting their hatred on the House itself with acts of petty destruction and defacement. A handful of those who still harbor ambition focus on making pacts with humans like they used to, hoping to regain enough power to one day challenge Valgavoth—and take over the edifice of the House for themselves." "The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house."12) BeastiesMy idiot shipper brain is already concocting a Shape of Water-esque love story, similar to the idea I had when I first learned what the hell a Fylgja is. 113) "Not all the denizens of this plane were subsumed by the House. Groups of survivors remain, the last remnants of those who existed before the House swallowed up their homes. Most survivors survive by adopting a nomadic lifestyle, constantly on the move and never settling down long enough in one place to attract attention. Smart, tough, and resourceful, these remaining survivors are constantly fighting to simply stay alive. However, their numbers are constantly dwindling as the House picks them off one by one. The occasional influxes of newcomers help bolster the survivors' numbers temporarily, but most newcomers meet with swift ends unless they're smart enough to adapt to their new surroundings in time or get lucky enough to get picked up by a group of veteran survivors." Sounds to me like the [url=www.youtube.com/@fdsignifire]black experience in regards to[/url] the police. #ACAB 14)  Reminds me of Ellen Barkin. 15) "These can range from simple weapons, like a plank of wood with nails hammered through it..."1According to some myths, seeing your fylgja during waking hours is a portent of your own death. So, my idea was, what if a person and their fylgja fell in love?
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 1, 2024 6:53:08 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 1, 2024 7:15:03 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 1, 2024 9:35:11 GMT
magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/side-six-its-a-beautiful-day1) 5:28 Excluding Big Momma Em, who would win, Innistrad or Duskmourn? 2) 11:23 Is...is that a fucking fanny pack?! Oh, Himbo, WHY?! Also, earlier in the vid, he was mentioned as being the Jock archetype, which reminded me of Old Man Henderson. 13) 11:39 Dat lip bite, doe. Unf!4) 13:45 I'll just leave this here.5) 18:32 God, I hope we'll eventually get Rooms with more than just two sides. 6) 26:11 www.reddit.com/r/ColossalDreadmaw/7) 33:02 I have thoughts.8) 34:09 Is nobody calling it "Bear Hug" anymore? Whatever happened to that? 9) 36:58 Hmm, looks familiar...10) 37:15 That flavor text got me thinking: What if a ceasefire 2 was called long enough for the survivors to develop a space program? 311) 37:50 People laughed at me when I suggested combining the Archenemy, Commander, Emperor, Prismatic, and SuperWeenie formats into one big voltron I called The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, but look at what WotC themselves are now doing! Course, I was wearing underwear on my head, a lampshade around my area, and balloon animals as nipple tassels, but I'm 100% positive that had absolutely nothing to do with their laughter! 12) 44:17 Flavor text got me thinking "What if we pushed a nuke set to go of in 3 seconds through one of the doors, then slammed the door shut? Or would that just introduce Valgavoth to the exciting new terrors and dreads of living under the constant threat of nuclear annihilation?" 1I wanna see a movie version of this epic saga, but only if it does justice & stays faithful to the source material, and that it fully involves both Waffle House Millionaire and A Self Called Nowhere from start to finish. Also Jeff Bridges. 2Free Palestine! Free Gaza! 3I still want a crossover set with The Foundation.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 3, 2024 23:40:55 GMT
 Big Himbo Energy. HUGE.THE BIGGEST! |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 3, 2024 23:58:22 GMT
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mYQLkstDs81) 3:57 Meathook Massacre III   Sorcery  X target players lose the game. 2) 7:59 We'd better keep lauren boebert away from this one. 3) 11:04 This is pretty much how I dreamed Arno Coleman would look. 4) 12:32 Yes, it's low-hanging fruit, yes, it's a little anvillicious, but still: cults, trump, loss of humanity, they're weird & out of touch with reality, etc., etc., etc. 5) 20:16 I don't know why this thought occurred to me here, but this thought occurred to me here: what if WotC printed a card, an actual card, that had the typeline "Token Legendary Artifact Creature--Scarecrow"? Paging Dogged Hunter... 6) 22:40 My brother-in-law's mother died recently, and while visiting my aunt up in Walnut Creek for the funeral, I was finally able to watch The 10th Kingdom. Why am I bringing this up? Elevator scene. 7) 31:27 Hmmm. This would suggest that Scrabbling Skullcrab is a lot smaller than its card would have you believe. I thought the crab was at least 4' tall. Forced perspective's a real bitch. 8) 34:09 Hmmm. Not quite as chill as Arno, then. 9) 35:06 Why isn't this a Curse? Everything about it screams "Enchantment--Aura Curse" except the typeline! 10) 36:02 I just noticed what the "nose", "mouth", & "whiskers" of the promo illustration actually are. 11) 41:50 Art on the left reminds me of the final shot of The Shining. 12) 43:42 Calling it right now: Duskmourn will be remembered more for the himbo running throughout the set & story than anything else. 13) 49:17 Let's say an Innistradi Werewolf wandered through a Valgavoth door. Would a Werewolf even be able to transform on Duskmourn? I mean, there hasn't been a day/night cycle on the plane since the house swallowed up the second sun, so how would that even work? 14) 50:19 I think I know of a way: A) Manifest a Room with Ixidor, Reality Sculptor on your side. B) Activate Ixidor, turning the manifested Room face up. C)  D) PROFIT! One final note: Both Emily and Jadine's mics needed to be better, I could barely hear them throughout the entire vid; and as we all know, subtitles on youtube are atrocious at best if they're not done by the channel itself.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 4, 2024 20:39:32 GMT
1)  NOPE! NOPE RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!! 2)  For a second, I read this as "No Light, No Hope". Frankly, that name would also be rather appropriate for this set. |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 6, 2024 14:09:19 GMT
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 7, 2024 0:09:03 GMT
1)   These are the first two things that greet me when "New Cards" is selected. Thanks a lot, Wizards. It's not like I haven't been having sleeping problems these past 7 or 8 days. 12)  Mara. Also, clammy hands. 3)  It's a little obvious, but who can resist the classics?1I've gone nocturnal to beat the heat, and it's been rough. Out of 7 or 8 days this entire week, I've only slept 2 full periods of at least 9 hours. Pretty sure something like that'd cause brain damage. |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 10, 2024 5:16:14 GMT
1)  I want so desperately for this to be the head of a format-defining all-star archetype called Casper. 2)  I dunno. I think that after a few days of the situation mentioned in the flavor text, you'd stop being afraid and start enjoying the feeling of weightlessness. Like, if you've gone through terror into boredom, you'll very quickly move on to, at the very least, inquisitiveness. 3)  Why, Crumbling Sanctuary, you've had quite the glow-up. Mebbe Finkel'll give you a call. Hell, I'd date him.4)  We've got another one for the spellbook. 5)  Ok, we need to talk. I'm getting sick and tired of dumpsterF.I.R.E. design getting in the way of core thematic flavor. is all about a lust for power & glory, and the willingness to do anything to get it. That's why 's card draw also makes you lose life. It's also why Demons are supposed to cause you a small harm. Faust doesn't make a bargain with a devil and get everything he wants, happy ending. That'd be a boring story, and it'd send the wrong sort of message to medieval audiences. No, he bargains with a devil, sells his soul, and eventually sufferes the consequences. But, ever since that godawful design mistake of a flavor fail Sheoldred, the Apocalypse1, R&D have for some reason been saying " gets everything, whatever it wants, all the time, no drawbacks! Game bal-ance? I'm not familiar with this completely foreign term. What is it?" I would've made the life loss be "If you control a Demon, each player loses 2 life. Otherwise, you lose 2 life." 6)  "LOOK AT ME, I'M A TARGET!"7)  Chihuahuas aren't scary. 2 Like at all. And a big Chihuahua is just a big Chihuahua. Not scary at all, not even if it has no skin or muscles on its head. It doesn't even look like a poodle. And don't you fucking dare say Xoloitzcuintle, 1) you won't be able to pronounce it correctly, and I will NOT allow the butchering of Nahuatl; & 2) It's too emaciated, and has too much hip dysplasia. 8)  www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELOVH0KE_F89) ![]()  "K-K-K-K-YEAH! I'M DR. ROCKZO, THE ROCK N' ROLL CLOWN! I DO COCAINE!"10)  Sshhhh! Do ye want to get sued?!"11)  Karma police
Arrest this himbo
He punches in math12)  Lady, I fought with Rorschach. I knew Rorschach. Rorschach was a friend of mine (for a given value of "friend", and as far as his psychoses could allow for friendship). Lady, you're no Rorschach! 13)  Jesus fucking christ! At least the scarabs only killed you. Talk about bread, eggs, milk, squick! 14)  Beware the Gazebo! 15)  I don't know if I like Treefolk with tiny butts. I know Doran is Magic's answer to Sir Mix-A-Lot. 316)  Yes, there were other options, but this one gave the best context without posting the entire episode.17)  How do we think this measures up against Lucille? 18)  Ok, way to drop the ball here, Wizards! You should've had Junji Ito do the art for this! 19)  "Look, I thought I was supposed to be getting a change of scenery. But so far, I've been in a train and a room, and a car and a room, and a room and a room."20)  And now to do the impossible: come up with a number that is both even AND odd. Paging B. S. Johnson! 21)  Obligatory musical reference/interlude. 22)  When I first saw this, my brain read it as "Rite of the Month", and I thought "Wizards is making menstrual jokes now? Well, they kinda already did, but whatever." 4 22a) Rite of the Mouth. 22b)  The previous song had just gotten to this part when I came to this Scheme, and the serendipity made me chuckle. 22c)  Jfc, how many goddamned entries can be easily related to one Neil Cic shitpost?! 523)  I'm reminded of 110-Montauk, and how hope needs to be constantly rekindled in order to make the horror that much worse. Mebbe Valgavoth knows this, and that's why he allows the Glimmers to exist. Mebbe he's the source of those Glimmers. 24)  I'm glad that WotC learned their lesson from Lens of Clarity & Keeper of the Lens, and didn't print another mathematically useless card. Seriously, someone did the math (prolly Frank Karsten), and found that these two cards are mathematically worse than a basic land in every situation. 25)  We've been over this before, but that flavor text just makes it so much worse. 26)  Great! As if Babyface wasn't creepy enough! I would say "At least he got his eye back", but 1) how do we know that it was his eye to begin with? & 2) You DO NOT restore depth perception (or any sense that gives it yet another edge, for that matter) to an apex predator of the nightmarescape! That was the only thing holding it back from completely annihilating everything else! You fools! 27)  No blame whatsoever. We are ALL Norin here. 1Card draw punishing should be  , the color that says "You were born with everything you'll ever need", because that entire philosophy is the perfect description for denying extra card draw. Also, is an enemy of  , and is the color that wants to draw (and does) the most cards. 2My oldest and dearest friend once invited me to hang out with this buch of hippie friends of his, as they did a food drive for the homeless. The hippies had the toy Chihuahua whose body proportions were so screwed up (head making up about 80% total body mass), that not only could it walk on just its front legs, with its ass in the air and its back legs left dangling, but it actually preferred doing so, as that seemed more comfortable for it! Real fucking terrifying, that one. 3Now I want a Universes Beyond celebrating the history of Rap that has Doran reskinned as Sir Mix-A-Lot. 4Rite of the Month Club. Call now & get your first month's rite free! 5Also, would it kill Wizards to make the artists' credit bigger on the Scheme cards? I can't even read some of them. Hell, increase the size on ALL the cards! The only thing wrong with the artists' credit on the pre-Modern border was their unfortunate decision to do white type on a white background. |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 11, 2024 5:53:22 GMT
1)  https://www.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/100n7ik/how_do_you_get_all_those_coins/ 2)  Ear-fungus, you say? Also, I'm pretty sure I had some of this growing out of the tile grout at the base of my kitchen sink one year. 3)  I feel like a void rod would be similar/related to the Null Rod. 4)  Anyone else weirded out by seeing her without her hat? I mean, I'm only weirded out a little, but it's still a nonzero amount. 5)  Ok, I both love and hate this design, but I hate that the art looks NOTHING like the classical interpretation of the condition! 6)  I remember in the last of three elementary schools I went to, my classroom had one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books. One of the pages was, and I kid you not, "You got it wrong--EVERYTHING BLOWS UP!" Considering the story was a Space Opera, one could very easily go with the interpretation of that meaning that all of Creation detonates, like a spontaneous matter-antimatter collision for every single particle of matter in the universe, and the entire spacetime continuum, all exploding all at once. 7)  Wtf is this Voice of Rao nightmare bullshit?! 8)  I always liked this card, ever since I first saw it during spoiler season for original Ravnica. GOD, I'm old! 9)  Access Maze looks like something out of Goat Simulator. 10)  Flavor text reminds me of ¡Viva los Muertos!. 11)  Honestly, #7 scares me more. Sure, there's the whole Ringu pedigree, but I've hallucinated scarier things in my childhood. 12)  THE DOOR IS AJAR. "Well, which one is it, a door or a jar?!" 13)  Now this is a much more palatable version of Ogre Battledriver. I can't in good conscience condone any whip usage outside of consensual kink, or archaeology. No, not even for certified bangers. 14)   3/4s for 3? With no downsides?! When we're outpacing the vanilla test this much, you KNOW power creep is real! 15)  Decades ago (oh god, where does the time go?!), I made an improvisational audio cassette tape called Freddy Vs. Jason: Live on Pay-Per-View! A lot of it was shit, but I still remember some good lines from it, like "The fight for the night, in the realm of Elm!" At one point, there was a commercial ragging on Stephen King for trying to make lame-ass things scary, like a bedside table lamp. That whole bit was a bit of metahumor; see, It had been rebroadcast three years earlier for its 10th anniversary, and I was making a commentary on how anticlimactic the ending was. Anyway, lamp. 16)  I'm looking forwards to getting utterly sick & fucking tired of losing to this paired with Delney. So of course my idiot shipper brain is coming up with a lesbian romance between them! Have I mentioned how I'm going on 48 hrs. no sleep rn?! 17)  I suffered quite a few psychological traumas in my youth at my grandma's house, one of which was seeing a bit of Cat's Eye on cable, and not knowing what the fuck it was that I saw for about two decades. The lady in the art kinda looks like Veronica Cartwright in her prime. 18)  THAT'S FUCKING COREY FELDMAN! Jfc, I know no retrospective of 80s horror would be complete without referencing either of the two Coreys, but I never thought WotC'd actually go through with it, especially not with the sexual abuse allegations! 19)  See?! THIS shit is much more terrifying than #11! 20)  Well, this looks familiar...21)  Every billionaire is a failure of policy, and sissy spaceX is looking to become the first trillionaire (at least on paper). Time to tax this malignant narcissist, apartheid nepobaby back into irrelevance! 22)  That flavor text is a sack of lying shit! That thing is hideous, creepy as hell, and exactly the type of thing that my mom keeps filling our house with: "art" pieces covered in creepy-ass faces, most often highly distorted ones, too. At least a bunch of creepy dolls all have faces with normal proportions! Mom got a painting of a creepy face with one eye that's bigger than the head that ostensibly houses it! 23)  So, I saw Gamer in theaters (I know, I know, those of you not saying "Huh?" are ragging on me for watching such utter trash), but as bad as it is (and believe me, it is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddd1), it still has a few points to recommend it, chief among them Terry motherfucking Crews at his most Terry motherfucking batshit insane Old Spice Crewsness (and, to a much lesser extent, Michael C. Hall). Terry Crews consumes the scenery with all the ravenous gusto of a supermassive black hole, at one point doing for the neck snap what Raisin Bran does for scooping, shortly after he went into a completely unhinged rendition of a song from Pinocchio. 1It's an unbelieveably stupid movie, whose stupidity of execution drags everything down with it, while leaving unanswered several questions, and leaving unaddressed several implications of its worldbuilding, that it is too stupid to even realize it's raising. Like, you get the sense that there was a VERY thought-provoking premise, worldbuilding, and script underneath all the idiotic executions (heh) and decisions by the execs, rewriters, and directors, that in the hands of a more capable helm, could've been much closer to Philip K. Dick or William Gibson. |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 12, 2024 16:43:05 GMT
1)  Hospital Room is quite a bit of a flavor fail for me. What part of its ability screams "Hospital Room" to you? Unless they're making a Les Mis reference? 2)  I love this derp. It makes me laugh. 3)  Oh, crap. the house has made the perfect trap for Tyvar! RUN, BRAVE HIMBO, RUN! TEMPT HIM NOT WITH KILLER GAINS OR PROTEIN POWDER, FOUL DOMICILE!!!4)  For a second, I was wondering "Why would anyone wanna lock their own do--" then the immediately previous entry popped into my head, and I was all like "Ooooooohhhhhhh! That is really interesting!" |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 13, 2024 20:05:04 GMT
1)  How are the Survivors able to bake pies? Baking requires hours of work, and pies are fairly advanced forms of food. The house doesn't seem like the kind of place to allow a society enough time and safety necessary to advance to the point where even rudimentary baking is possible. 2)  So far, this is the only Room where both doors' flavor matches the mechanics. 3)  What's the story behind this image? Why a Zombie head for a handegg? Why not 7 damage, since that's how many points you get for a touchdown, or so I'm told? I mean, it's specifically for Commander, a higher life total format, so why not lean into that? 4)  When I was a wee bairn, I was a latchkey kid at Kester Avenue Elementary School for 1st & 2nd grade. The two latchkey councillors were Lorie & Jennifer, and they were both kinda terrorizors, Lorie being the more aggressive of the two. During dodgeball, we had the usual off-limits areas of the head & groin, but we also had the Headhunter Rule: if someone got hit in the head with the ball while their head was below its normal elevation (i.e. ducking), that still counted. Lorie & Jennifer both (again, more frequently Lorie) loved to intimidate kids into ducking specifically so they could dome them by taking advantage of the Headhunter Rule. My best friend at the time, Jared, was the fastest kid in school, and Lorie & Jennifer would do everything they could to make sure that he was the last kid standing. They were quite vicious. A couple of summers, a bunch of us kids were fobbed off on Jennifer at her house, because parents are nothing if not consistent in their casual neglect in pursuit of their careers, and one day, we all watched Nothing But Trouble. This was the early '90s, between 2nd & 4th grade, so you do the math on ages. This might've been the same week or month we saw The 'Burbs--again at Jennifer's house. Ah, childhood trauma! 5)  Boy, we've come a looooooonnngg way from Savage Conception! 6)  Yeah, but I bet the victory/makeup sex immediately afterward was just the hottest! 7)  Unclean! Unclean!8)  Where the hell's Mr. Tumnus? 9)  Pet-eating Haitian immigrants, anyone? 10) ![]() media.wizards.com/2024/dsk/7XfDXdOLQz5JTd87/en_8cfa3cf4b6.png![]() Jfc, if this is waht honey bees looked like, I've a feeling that we'd be farming Varroa destructor & celebrating CCD! 11)  This seems like it's straight outta Tales from the Crypt. 12)  For some reason, I'm reminded of Mojo. 13)  I love that they've brought back fear specifically for this, a Scheme that is truly Ongoing. 14)  Ok, this reminds me of my earliest daytime hallucinations. God, I was a screwed up kid! 15)  After reading through all the Schemes, I was wondering how Valgavoth's voice would sound. There's the classic [ulr=https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoExamples/DoctorWhoS27E13ThePartingOfTheWays]method[/url], but what if we went a different way?
16) 
If the reason why this isn't called Ouija Board is because of copyright law1, then copyright law need the be severely reformed, if not abolished altogether! Also, I find it slightly risible that this is so good, after the whole debacle that was Séance2. 17)  #AbolishCapitalismNOW #EndTheShareholderModelOfBusiness #AbolishTheCSuite 18)  Anyone else seen 9? 19)  I'ma call these Visa lands from now on. 1It prolly is, which makes it doubly stupid, because hasbro owns the rights to the name! 2Do yourself a favor & do a google search for the tournament history of Séance, then do a reddit search for Séance. Shit's wild, yo. |
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Post by sdfkjgh on Sept 19, 2024 23:05:39 GMT
magic.wizards.com/en/news/feature/the-legends-of-duskmourn-house-of-horror1) Oh christ, the doll's moe! 2) Jfc, this is horrible! 3) Yeah, that's pretty much exactly how I imagined he'd be. 4) With this gender reveal, she's now confirmed to canonically be based upon the certified badass. 5) I see her as a metaphor for trump supporters, and indeed, any cult memebers, especially those who survived their cult. 6) God, that last "on" irritates me to no end! My fellow grammar birchers, please tell me I'm not wrong in thinking that that "on" is wrong. If it isn't, I don't wanna be right! 7) " I'll just leave this here." 8) Oh gods, this just keeps on getting worse and worse. I was gonna make a Hitchhikker's reference in jest, but you can forget that now! Also, speaking of ingest, does Valgavoth even have teeth? *Some quick google-fu later* No, no they do not. "But Vagy's a Demon!" I hear you say, and 1) I'd caution you against letting him hear you call him that; & 2) According to morphic resonance, form at least partially defines function, so if 'vothie (his preferred hypocorism and spelling thereof) takes the shape of a moth then he's at least partially moth. So Marvin's quest is ultimately futile. I do NOT wanna be anywhere near the demented little puppet when he learns this! 9) Aminatou continues to be utterly terrifying on analysis. 10) I really hope we go to a world where a number can be both odd and even. Mebbe that'll be part of Xerex' hat. 11) This once again proves that the backstory of ALL the wickerfolk is the most horrific. 12) You mean to tell me that even in The House, you still run the risk of entering The Backrooms?!
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Post by sdfkjgh on Oct 14, 2024 18:55:21 GMT
So, Glimmer Hoarder gave me an idea for a spellbook card for Alchemy. I know, I know, say it ain't so, but hear me out, as it still follows my design philosophy for spellbooks: When ~ enters and whenever you cast a card drafted from its spellbook, draft a card from its spellbook. ~'s spellbook is exhaustable. (There's only a single copy of each card in the spellbook. This spellbook refreshes each game.)
At the beginning of each end step, if you control a single copy of each permanent from ~'s spellbook, you win the game. This thing's spellbook should contain no less than 15 cards, at least 13 of which should be permanents.
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Post by sdfkjgh on Nov 2, 2024 6:56:44 GMT
Foundations1)   Insert obligatory Disney reference here. 2)   *DING!*3)  Ok, why isn't this a Snow creature? 4)  Ok, seeing this immediately inspired me to make this: Aether Instructor   Artifact Creature--Elemental Advisor  Vigilance Spells you cast have multikicker  and “When you cast this spell, draw a card for each time it was kicked with its kicker.” 3/4 5)  I don't know if it's adorable or tragic that this owl is wearing an aviator's cap & goggles. Owls are apex predators, evolved over millions of years to be literally silent assassins of the night sky, with superior sight & hearing 1, and they felt the need to somehow lessen it with a human accoutrement that makes no sense being there. I know, I know, Old Man Yells at Cloud. And, most unforgivable of all, it obsoletes Storm Crow! 6)  Boy, I cannot wait till our collective nightmare hellscape becomes so bad that this listing becomes not just a viable option, but a hot ticket commodity! //ss/s/s/s/s/s/s 7)  Ok, the skeletal parrot is just too cute.  EDIT: Jfc, it wasn't visible in the smaller format, but you can clearly see the fatal stab wound through the left lapel! How much you wanna bet that that shortsword is what delivered the killing blow, and when our osseous friend here reanimated, they just ripped the offending weapon out of their own ribcage? Metal as fuck!!8)  My, Doomed Traveler, you've had a glow-up. 9)  Boy, the culture shock is gonna be brutal! 10)  Love the flavor text.11)  Ok, I'm starting to see Pasiphaë's point of view... I was experiencing some feelings of sexual attraction even before I learned that this magnificent creature is female--I guess I need to do some deep introspection about my internal gender biases, but in the meantime, hot dolphinMinotaur! 212)  "YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH! I WAS GONNA SAY 'TAKE TWO STEPS TO THE LEFT', YOU STUPID LIZARD!!!" --Theria the Sly, first and last words of her afterlife 13)  Great! Even more bourgeoisie deregulation! We're on a completely different plane of existence, and we STILL can't escape the lies told by an F-list second banana to a chimp!3 FUCK!14)  Casual Geographic has changed my perspective on hyenas in multiple ways. 15)  Love the flavor of this, hate that they fixed it so that it's all but guaranteed to die in combat. You couldn'y make it a 4/3 or even a 4/4, Wizards? Really? 16) New Koma got you down? We've got an  for that!17)  Look, understanding my formative years is very simple: MASSIVE amounts of The Dr. Demento Show. 18)  First off, yaass Queen, SLAY! And second off, a few days ago on musk's folley, I saw a bunch of people lamenting that this was unkillable. My dudes, Banishing Light is in this exact same set! Plus, you've got Prayer of Binding! Damn buncha hyperbolic paraboloidsbabies, if ya ask me. 19)  Oppenheimer: the EXTREMELY Abridged Version1Which is multiplanar (geometrically, not Multiversally) due to their earholes being offset along two different axes. 2Dammit, stupid shipper brain, we promised ourselves "No self-insert fics!" Stop playing images of me and hmmmmmmmm her in Dread Pirate RobertsCowgirl! 3I've seen The Killers; the only thing more wooden than reagan's acting was the tables that Lee Marvin & Clu Gulager sat at, and that race is a photo finish that's still being hotly debated to this day!
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Post by sdfkjgh on Nov 11, 2024 19:49:21 GMT
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D) PROFIT!
for that!