Note for 5/12/2023: I had hoped to just establish a baseline of knowledge of Magic for 914; that it was able to predict its future, and with this much accuracy, is troubling to say the least. Bright, you bastard, what have you gotten me into? I did some digging into your personnel files, and found some pretty serious reprimands; are you just trying to get revenge, get back into the Foundation's good graces, or some combination of both? If they find out about these unauthorized tests of 914, it won't just be me who suffers the consequences, I can tell you that!
Name: Lab Tech Zhabramy Date: 17/11/2023 Total Items: One complete printout of the Magic: the Gathering Comprehensive Rules update from 17/11/2023
Input: Mentioned above Setting: Fine Output: A single page with just twourls printed on it.
Note: Well, 914 shows that not only does it have good taste, it also has a pretty good grasp of the minutiae of Magic.
Name: Lab Tech Zhabramy Date: 17/11/2023 Total Items: One complete printout of the Magic: the Gathering Comprehensive Rules update from 17/11/202
Input: Mentioned above Setting: Very Fine Output: A single page with just two words on it: Horshers, Mointainspalk.
Note: This is either the smartest thing 914's ever output, or the stupidest, I can't decide. On the one hand, it exhibits a knowledge of the extrapolation of Magic culture minutiae above and beyond what anything without an internet connection should ever have; but on the other hand, if it is the stupidest thing, why was this output on the Very Fine setting? Years ago, I suggested feeding 914 individual Magic cards, starting with this cycle, but was advised against it, as a flying creature with the anomalous effect of reducing Miller's 7±2 equation for short-term memory for those under its effects would be extremely difficult to deal with, especially if multiples of them were gathered together in one place. It'd be another 055 to deal with, with the added headache of the power of flight, and nobody wants that.
Dr. Bright: Listen here, boyo! This isn't just about salvaging a reputation or revenge, it's more primal than that. I'm being erased! Me! An unkillable entity, and they're actually giving me the ol' EdiGathegi!
Jesus fucking christ, Bright, is it completely impossible for you to not be offensive even under someone else's direction? Wait, why am I saying that? How does that even make any sense? JACK, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!
Dr. Bright: Shhh, shhh, it's alright. You just need to take your medication.
Right, my medication. Thanks. *A few suspicious pills later* Alright, how do we proceed?
Dr. Bright: I need you to bring in Jund.
But our timetable! We haven't laid the necessary foundation of trust!
Dr. Bright: The timetable's gotta be moved up, I'm running out of time! And as we've just seen, you (or certain parts thereof) are starting to, shall we say, get a little rowdy.
Not sure what that's supposed to mean, or why it sounds so ominous, but ok. Any ideas on how to lure in an entire demiplane?
Dr. Bright: What are its wants? Can you lure it in with bait?
Well, mostly it just wants to be left to its own devices. Being the embodiment of the savagery of nature, what it most desires is complete and total freedom to do as it has always done, forever. Just one long, unending cycle of Darwinism.
Dr. Bright: So, no dice on the bait, then. Damn! What about threats to its safety?
The only remaining Eldrazi's chilling in self-imposed exile in a moon, Bolas is trapped in his Meditation Realm without a Spark, the Phyrexians have been baleeted (at least until the next retcon)--
Dr. Bright: You misunderstand me. I meant for you to make threats to Jund's safety.
Fnnnrrrhahahahahhahahahaaa! Good one, Jack! Even at the best, most docile times, Jund is best imagined as several honey badgers held in a threadbare burlap sack. Oh, sure, they're contained, for now, but how long until their razor-sharp teeth and claws manage to rip their way out of the sack, and into your entrails? And mind you, in this scenario, you were stupid enough to attempt to pacify them by slamming the sack against the ground a few times, serving only to provoke them further. Do you really think there's anything I could threaten a close relative of 682 with, and not be viciously disassembled before I could even finish speaking?!
Dr. Bright: Cessation of use of the character, and possible eventual erasure.
You're a cruel, coldhearted bastard, bright! You would seriously use your own worst fear against another?!
Dr. Bright: Whatever it takes, Abe. Whatever it takes...