No Reservations II, pt. 4b—Legends

{”Disorder in the House” by Warren Zevon}

Disharmony 35, downgraded from to .

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Threaten effects are ’s Giant Growth: something that’s done in every set, oftentimes with a tweak that ties into one or more of that set’s themes. When a card name ascends to the point of being a descriptor for an entire subset of cards, you know that effect is, if not powerful, then at the very least ubiquitous. Threaten effects have very rarely been tournament-worthy, outside of Limited tournament portions, However, Disharmony represents the potential for a 2-for-1 that is vastly superior to that of the average, sorcery-speed Threaten, so much so that I can’t help but think that this one, finally, will be worthy of a Top 8.¹ Despite all that, I still feel comfortable, like Masters Edition III did, in downgrading Disharmony’s rarity.

{Why does this even exist?}

Divine Intervention 20

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Here is everything else with a printed cmc of 8



Eight mana, three turns, the game ends in a draw. WHY?!!!? Here’s how to do “You better kill me before this goes off” properly! We needed some “Divine Intervention” to stop this piece of garbage from ever being printed! If I don’t move on now, I’ll be stuck here in a pit of loathing for this, this, this—JUST GET IT THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT!!!

{Oh, look, MOAR CANCER!}

Elder Spawn 21



Yes, Virginia, IS actually allowed to have good 6/6s



Not very many, admittedly, but they’re there! I’d like to specifically point out Deep-Sea Kraken and its inspiration, Tidal Kraken.



Yes, alright, this was back during the very early era when they didn’t realize a prohibitively expensive mana cost was its own drawback—THAT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH OF AN EXCUSE FOR THIS ABORTIVELY TERRIBLE CARD!!! These two guys got it right!

{Lit.: “Give me a towel”²}

Eureka 14

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Boy howdy, does Eureka have quite the progeny! Hypergenesis, like the rest of its cycle, were very interesting callbacks that, with two exceptions, were mere novelties for the most part. Powerful novelties, to be sure, but not inherently broken. Then came Cascade, and turned a fun thing into one of the dirtiest, most unfun archetypes out there.



Before that, we had Sneak & Show, an archetype that just keeps getting better as the quality of permanents and countermeasures increases. ”Run & Hide” proves that if you take an obviously brokenly-overpowered design and limit it to just a small fraction of itself and that fraction is STILL brokenly-overpowered, mebbe the original idea was a bad one. Eureka is one of the few Timmy/Spike cards out there, as what’s more Tammy than dumping your whole hand on the battlefield? I break out into big smiles just thinking about it. Spike loves it because why pay for all that stuff? It’s that rare intersection of T(i/a)mmy/Spike that just naturally loops in J(e/oh)nny, because building with the card leads one to ask “What can I do with this?”



As you can see, Eureka has an unimpeachable pedigree, but also one that would completely obliterate Standard if it was ever let loose there. It deserves a reprint, just in more isolated waters.

{When you wish upon a cricket’s dead and rotting corpse}

Falling Star 15

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Like I said with Chaos Orb, I’m glad that dexterity mechanics are now firmly entrenched into the provenance of Un- sets. Unlike with Chaos Orb, however, Falling Star is nowhere near as flat-out destructive (pun intended). 3 damage may be the average decent rate, but Open Fire proved that 3 mana is too much for a non-repeatable source of 3 damage. Even if there exists the potential to hit multiple targets, there also exists the far more likely potential to hit no targets. Falling Star would make a fine, story-moment-creating reprint for a future Un- set, and last time I checked, Un- sets are supplemental releases.

{Hello, Mr. Brooks!}

Field of Dreams 22

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My intense dislike of the World supertype continues. I honestly had a bit of a hard time determining where Field of Dreams should go. For one thing, it never should’ve been Listed in the first place, as the effect is in no way . It’s not powerful enough to stay on The List, but the primary effect itself isn’t bad enough to make anyone regret its very existence. In fact, it’s both a little too weak, and just a bit too safe for Standard. But then, I remembered all the rules baggage of the World supertype, and I remember that any supplemental set designer worth their salt would never include that in any of their projects, not even Planechase (whose very existence owes everything to the World supertype). In the end, there was only one choice. This one, I actually feel a little bad about, but then I remember we already have Lantern of Insight (#BanEnsnaringBridge), so we don’t actually need it, as they’re already here.

{Holy crap, creatures sucked back then!}

Firestorm Phoenix 23

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I would like to specifically call out Shivan Phoenix, a 6 mana 3/4 that doesn’t muck about with any of that Reflector Mage “can’t cast it this turn” bullcrap. The only thing that Firestorm Phoenix has over its Shivan cousin is that it avoids the graveyard altogether, but that additional restriction is too much.

{For the longest time, I thought that the backup singers in that Billy Idol song were singing “Pleasures of Desire”; it was only when I read about the movie from which Idol drew inspiration for the song that I learned my mistake.}

Forethought Amulet 24

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MUCH better option

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Here’s what I was talking about with that spoiler tag. They’re actually singing “Les yeux sans visage”, the French translation of the song’s title.



Forethought Amulet is just too narrow, and costs just too much mana to be of any use. Most burn decks aim at killing you by turn 3, 4 at the latest. Having to wait a turn later than that, and tying up each subsequent turn is not how you win against burn. Plus, burn now has at least two ways to work around les yeux fantasmagoriques.

{Haha, all the landwalk keywords have been retired!}

Mr. Diggler’s first cousin twice removed 25

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With every year that passesnew card that’s printed, the Legends from Legends just keep getting worse and worse. If you’re using Gosta Diggler as your Commander, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!! And that looks more like a polearm he’s using!

{This is actually one of the most interesting choices a Magic artist has made: show the effect, not the causal object}

Gravity Sphere 26

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Even though this is twice as expensive, it’s still the better option.

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Here’s another World Enchantment that I almost feel bad for dungpiling. But seriously, World might not be as bad as Ante, but it’s certainly a close second. If anyone is at all interested in debating the merits of the World supertype, I’d be completely surprised, for one thing. But, I’d still wholeheartedly welcome the discussion.³

{One of the dirtiest images in Magic. It’s certainly the earliest dirty image in Magic.}

She’s a very dirty, dirty girl… 36

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Birds of a feather



Lookie here, we’ve got our first GOOD Legendary Legend! There’s just one thing that bothers me about Gwendlyn. Look at the art, read the flavor text, then look at Rubinia Soulsinger. Doesn’t it seem like the rules text boxes of those two cards were mistakenly switched at the last moment? Like, nothing says using your feminine wiles to charm a would-be attacker like gaining control over a creature so long as she kept as it. And doesn’t a repeatable, random discard sound like the perfect ability for a Faerie to have, considering they’re the mythical creatures most closely associated with stealing people’s dreams?



Gwendlyn may be a notorious practitioner of dubious consent seduction, but she did nothing wrong.

{e tish ay⁴}

Halfdane 37

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The art makes me think of this.



Two in a row! I’m shocked! It’s a pity this is the last one for this week, mebbe we can get a third to start next week? *Checks the next card* Oh, well.



nehoo, Halfdane may be wonky, it may be too quirky for its own good, but that’s what gives it a strange sort of charm. Yes, it might be a better fit for Commander, but I feel confident that it’s not even remotely close to game-breakingly overpowered, which means that it should be fine for Standard. Unless that Standard is one where Big Momma Em and all of her offshoots have been released, but if that’s the case, we all have worse things to worry about, both in-story and (possibly) game-wise.

{Footnotes}