Post by sdfkjgh on May 14, 2018 0:46:28 GMT
Back for more No Reservations II then, are ya? That’s good, as this week, we’ll be starting up part of 6 of Legends. Yes, you read that right, Legends will be a six-parter. Why? For one thing, there are 310 cards in Legends, of which 72 were Listed. The most bloated set was Time Spiral, with 286 normal cards, and 122 “timeshifted” reprints, for a total of 408. Another reason is that these take me hours to write, and I don’t want to kill myself trying to do it all at once.
Legends was the set that introduced what would eventually become the Legendary supertype, the most successful drawback mechanic in the game’s history, so all formats that care about it owe their very existence to this set. That said, the set does have its glaring flaws, like all the Legendary Creatures being overcosted, most by at least
and an additional color, and those that are at or near an appropriate mana cost are all the wrong colors &/or have the wrong abilities for those colors.
And that’s it for this week! Our tally so far: 37 stay on The List, 34 get reprinted for Standard, 13 get supplemental reprintings,19 should’ve been recognized and shot down in early design for the terrible ideas they are, and 1 card (Dark Ritual) whose omission from The List is baffling, to say the least., giving us a BSQ of 67/104, or 64.423077%. Such bad decisions, much bullshit, wow!
Join us next week, where we’ll be continuing Legends. Until then, for myself and Jund,
Much love and thanks to Daij_Djan for making sense of my nonsense, and I’ll see you all next week!
Legends was the set that introduced what would eventually become the Legendary supertype, the most successful drawback mechanic in the game’s history, so all formats that care about it owe their very existence to this set. That said, the set does have its glaring flaws, like all the Legendary Creatures being overcosted, most by at least
and an additional color, and those that are at or near an appropriate mana cost are all the wrong colors &/or have the wrong abilities for those colors.A quick recap before we begin: 37 cards stay on The Reserved List, 32 cards deserve a Standard reprint, 10 cards deserving of a supplemental reprinting, 12 cards we should never have been printed, and 1 card (Dark Ritual) that should’ve been put on The List, but wasn’t, giving us a BSQ of 55/92, or 59.7826086956522%. Here we go.
{Remember when James Cameron was first approached by the Neptune Society?}
The Abyss 11
Price
As a rule, I don’t really like the World supertype, or its inherent rules baggage. I can understand what they were going for, but the exact same effect could’ve been handled by making it Legendary, and it would’ve been fine. Because of the World supertype, we have quite a few very interesting designs being withheld by the promise to never reprint Listed cards, not even functional reprints (a promise, btw, which we all know has already been broken).
The Abyss is iconic. Whenever one player has a huge, non-trampling creature, we say that that huge dude is effectively an Abyss until it’s dealt with. My dislike of the World supertype may bias my opinion slightly, but not enough to not recommend a much-needed, and well-deserved reprinting.
The Abyss 11
Price
As a rule, I don’t really like the World supertype, or its inherent rules baggage. I can understand what they were going for, but the exact same effect could’ve been handled by making it Legendary, and it would’ve been fine. Because of the World supertype, we have quite a few very interesting designs being withheld by the promise to never reprint Listed cards, not even functional reprints (a promise, btw, which we all know has already been broken).
The Abyss is iconic. Whenever one player has a huge, non-trampling creature, we say that that huge dude is effectively an Abyss until it’s dealt with. My dislike of the World supertype may bias my opinion slightly, but not enough to not recommend a much-needed, and well-deserved reprinting.
{Sure, let’s just give LD to EVERY color! Why not?!}
Acid Rain13
Price
does NOT, and should NEVER get, Land Destruction! If wants to deal with a problem land, it should only ever bounce it, and even then, it should only ever be on a 1-for-1 basis (no mass-bounce, costing 1 card to bounce 1 land, or some amount of mana and 
), and it should NEVER cost less than ! If isn’t about control or mill, then it’s about tempo, and tempo isn’t about a permanent loss of resources. It’s more a puzzle of temporary denials, up until the moment when the opponent is dead. Acid Rain was a huge mistake, both as a card, and as a side effect of industrialization.
Acid Rain
Price
does NOT, and should NEVER get, Land Destruction! If wants to deal with a problem land, it should only ever bounce it, and even then, it should only ever be on a 1-for-1 basis (no mass-bounce, costing 1 card to bounce 1 land, or some amount of mana and ), and it should NEVER cost less than ! If isn’t about control or mill, then it’s about tempo, and tempo isn’t about a permanent loss of resources. It’s more a puzzle of temporary denials, up until the moment when the opponent is dead. Acid Rain was a huge mistake, both as a card, and as a side effect of industrialization.{En Taro Adun!}
Adun Oakenshield 12
Price
Equivalencies
Why in the name of Jarad is Adun
?
Now, now, dear boy; they didn’t exactly have the best handle on the color pie back then. MaRo only started working for the company proper during Alliances.
Oh, hey Jund. Everyone, this is the embodiment of Jund; Jund, say hi to our new readership.
I look forward to disemboweling you all and feasting on your collective entrails, paired with a nice Barbaresco.
Perhaps I should explain things. Back in this column’s days over at The Meadery, I came up with a cast of characters to branch out my insanity. First, there was Writer’s Block, who spake unto us with Roman numeralled proclamations in stilted, archaic language. Next came Ral Zarek and Teferi ibn Zhalfir, the Waldorf and Statler of the column; with Ral being the jokier, trollier of the two, while Teferi was generally a pompous, hypocritical ass, as he liked to think and act like he was above Ral’s antics, but he’s just as bad as Ral. After them came Telim’Tor, a completely pompous, stuck-up tool who would challenge the readers to build decks based on the worst cards. To give you an idea of what Mr. Toilet was like, just picture Reuben Bresler’s voice for Leovold, Emissary of Trest expanded into an entire, self-important, never-my-fault personality. Shortly after Telim’Tor (or was it before? I can’t remember), came the Narratomorphic Personification of the (formerly) subplane (now a locale of Alara) of Jund, embodying all the savagery and culture of the shard as a Wicked Cultured/Sophisticated as Hell baritone/bass (think Tim Curry in Rocky Horror), with a penchant for ingenious violence, described in near-poetic detail.
Rather nicely put, old sport, but you left out my strong sense of who is most deserving of my wrath.
Well, we’re already pretty far afield into a tangent…
Deep in the weeds, as it were.
Yes, thank you. So I didn’t want to get too far bogged down into details. This was just a way to bring our new readership up to speed. Did we achieve that goal? I have no idea, but at least there’s an attempt on record.
Anyway, getting back to Adun Oakenshield, it’s just about as as Wall of Denial. doesn’t care, at least in game terms, about returning creatures from your graveyard to your hand, only sorceries and, to a lesser degree, instants. Sure, ’ll mourn for the dead, once it has revenged itself on the guilty, because is all about emotion, but it wouldn’t try to bring them back from the dead. You know what two colors DO care about returning creatures? 
!
Adun is a major colorfail, and just slightly overcosted & understatted as well. However, because of this overcosting & understating, it’s a balanced card, which means that there’s no way in the hallowed halls of the Lollipop Guild that it’ll ever break any format. This means that its wrong colors, costs, and stats bar it from Standard, but not supplemental reprinting.
Adun Oakenshield 12
Price
Equivalencies
Why in the name of Jarad is Adun
?Now, now, dear boy; they didn’t exactly have the best handle on the color pie back then. MaRo only started working for the company proper during Alliances.
Oh, hey Jund. Everyone, this is the embodiment of Jund; Jund, say hi to our new readership.
I look forward to disemboweling you all and feasting on your collective entrails, paired with a nice Barbaresco.
Perhaps I should explain things. Back in this column’s days over at The Meadery, I came up with a cast of characters to branch out my insanity. First, there was Writer’s Block, who spake unto us with Roman numeralled proclamations in stilted, archaic language. Next came Ral Zarek and Teferi ibn Zhalfir, the Waldorf and Statler of the column; with Ral being the jokier, trollier of the two, while Teferi was generally a pompous, hypocritical ass, as he liked to think and act like he was above Ral’s antics, but he’s just as bad as Ral. After them came Telim’Tor, a completely pompous, stuck-up tool who would challenge the readers to build decks based on the worst cards. To give you an idea of what Mr. Toilet was like, just picture Reuben Bresler’s voice for Leovold, Emissary of Trest expanded into an entire, self-important, never-my-fault personality. Shortly after Telim’Tor (or was it before? I can’t remember), came the Narratomorphic Personification of the (formerly) subplane (now a locale of Alara) of Jund, embodying all the savagery and culture of the shard as a Wicked Cultured/Sophisticated as Hell baritone/bass (think Tim Curry in Rocky Horror), with a penchant for ingenious violence, described in near-poetic detail.
Rather nicely put, old sport, but you left out my strong sense of who is most deserving of my wrath.
Well, we’re already pretty far afield into a tangent…
Deep in the weeds, as it were.
Yes, thank you. So I didn’t want to get too far bogged down into details. This was just a way to bring our new readership up to speed. Did we achieve that goal? I have no idea, but at least there’s an attempt on record.
Anyway, getting back to Adun Oakenshield, it’s just about as
as Wall of Denial. doesn’t care, at least in game terms, about returning creatures from your graveyard to your hand, only sorceries and, to a lesser degree, instants. Sure, ’ll mourn for the dead, once it has revenged itself on the guilty, because is all about emotion, but it wouldn’t try to bring them back from the dead. You know what two colors DO care about returning creatures? !Adun is a major colorfail, and just slightly overcosted & understatted as well. However, because of this overcosting & understating, it’s a balanced card, which means that there’s no way in the hallowed halls of the Lollipop Guild that it’ll ever break any format. This means that its wrong colors, costs, and stats bar it from Standard, but not supplemental reprinting.
{Yo, rug-man! Haven’t seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel!}
Al-abara’s Carpet14
Price
Why wasn’t this in Arabian Nights? Did they think that the cardfile (all 78 cards of it) was too stuffed to fit it in? Now, I know I entered Scarecrow as evidence of Al-abara’s Carpet’s List status being bullshit, but the real fact of the matter is that they’re BOTH terrible, overpriced garbage! Back then, nobody played with creatures because they were all, with very few exceptions, so terrible, so the Carpet had no real use. Nowadays, the creatures have gotten WAY better, but the Carpet, and by extension the first Scarecrow, have remained the same, and yet, somehow gotten just slightly worse! How? As part of creatures getting better, their mana costs have gone down, while their stats have gone up, which means that you have a higher quality of power/toughness much earlier in the game, translating to a dead opponent much sooner than before. The Carpet costs
to cast, and , to activate. If you’re not already dead by that point, you either deserve to be, or you’re up against a control player who doesn’t even care about the stupid Carpet!
The card is trash, and should never have been.
Al-abara’s Carpet
Price
Why wasn’t this in Arabian Nights? Did they think that the cardfile (all 78 cards of it) was too stuffed to fit it in? Now, I know I entered Scarecrow as evidence of Al-abara’s Carpet’s List status being bullshit, but the real fact of the matter is that they’re BOTH terrible, overpriced garbage! Back then, nobody played with creatures because they were all, with very few exceptions, so terrible, so the Carpet had no real use. Nowadays, the creatures have gotten WAY better, but the Carpet, and by extension the first Scarecrow, have remained the same, and yet, somehow gotten just slightly worse! How? As part of creatures getting better, their mana costs have gone down, while their stats have gone up, which means that you have a higher quality of power/toughness much earlier in the game, translating to a dead opponent much sooner than before. The Carpet costs
to cast, and , to activate. If you’re not already dead by that point, you either deserve to be, or you’re up against a control player who doesn’t even care about the stupid Carpet!The card is trash, and should never have been.
{Apparently, this was supposed to be a book}
Alchor’s Tome, it was meant to be named...15
Damn autocorrect!
Better options (although, Scuttlemutt is always Best Option!)
Oh, look! ANOTHER overpriced piece of garbage! God I’m glad WotC stopped thinking that anyone cares about color-changing spells. The ONLY time they were any good was once, with the Happy Couple (where my sploshing enthusiasts at?!). Apparently Alchor, like most cards from Legends was straight outta some early #WotCStaff roleplaying sessions. Here’s some trivia about it. But none of that matters, because the card’s just so terrible! Is there an emoji for a flaming pile of ash?
Alchor’s Tome, it was meant to be named...
Damn autocorrect!
Better options (although, Scuttlemutt is always Best Option!)
Oh, look! ANOTHER overpriced piece of garbage! God I’m glad WotC stopped thinking that anyone cares about color-changing spells. The ONLY time they were any good was once, with the Happy Couple (where my sploshing enthusiasts at?!). Apparently Alchor, like most cards from Legends was straight outta some early #WotCStaff roleplaying sessions. Here’s some trivia about it. But none of that matters, because the card’s just so terrible! Is there an emoji for a flaming pile of ash?
{Trick &/or Treat, Suspend 2}
All Hallow’s Eve 33
Price
Equivalencies
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Time Spiral was my fucking JAM! Suspend is a very complicated mechanic at first glance. Another strike against it is that it’s one of the wordiest mechanics in the entire game, second only to Banding/Bands with Other. However, once you know how it works, it’s immensely grokkable: instead of paying for a spell with mana, you’re paying for it with time/turns.
The reason I bring up suspend is that All Hallow’s Eve, and Ertai’s Meddling after it, are obvious progenitors of the mechanic. I’m pretty sure at least someone at The Mothership has gone on record as saying so.
So what about the card itself? Well, a Twilight’s Call for Suspend 2— isn’t all that bad. As for its Standard reprintability, just think of all the quirky cards out there that make use of a unique counter type, or a counter type that’s unique to its set. All Hallow’s Eve, like a lot of Masters 25 cards, is a $30 card hiding behind a $250$249.99 pricetag.
All Hallow’s Eve 33
Price
Equivalencies
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Time Spiral was my fucking JAM! Suspend is a very complicated mechanic at first glance. Another strike against it is that it’s one of the wordiest mechanics in the entire game, second only to Banding/Bands with Other. However, once you know how it works, it’s immensely grokkable: instead of paying for a spell with mana, you’re paying for it with time/turns.
The reason I bring up suspend is that All Hallow’s Eve, and Ertai’s Meddling after it, are obvious progenitors of the mechanic. I’m pretty sure at least someone at The Mothership has gone on record as saying so.
So what about the card itself? Well, a Twilight’s Call for Suspend 2—
isn’t all that bad. As for its Standard reprintability, just think of all the quirky cards out there that make use of a unique counter type, or a counter type that’s unique to its set. All Hallow’s Eve, like a lot of Masters 25 cards, is a $30 card hiding behind a {”There are some who call me…Tim.”}
Spuds’ weird hermit uncle 13
Price
Equivalencies
I don’t know about you, but a repeatable Fog/Holy Day/Hysterical Blindness, as pointed out to me recently by voltaic-qui , can be pretty miserable. The only mercy with Mackenzie1 is that it costs so much, and is on such a fragile body. I’ve perused a few Angus commander decks, and the ones I’ve seen were all pretty tuned. At least a couple of them were completely #OnBrand with Mack’s Message of Fog for the Masses. They were a little annoying for their opponents. So I’m letting Angus out on parole, but I’ll be keeping an eye out for any shenanigans.
Spuds’ weird hermit uncle 13
Price
Equivalencies
I don’t know about you, but a repeatable Fog/Holy Day/Hysterical Blindness, as pointed out to me recently by voltaic-qui , can be pretty miserable. The only mercy with Mackenzie1 is that it costs so much, and is on such a fragile body. I’ve perused a few Angus commander decks, and the ones I’ve seen were all pretty tuned. At least a couple of them were completely #OnBrand with Mack’s Message of Fog for the Masses. They were a little annoying for their opponents. So I’m letting Angus out on parole, but I’ll be keeping an eye out for any shenanigans.
{I think I’m gonna let Jund handle this one}
Bartel Runeaxe16 At great personal risk of horrible mutilation, I’d just like to say that first, I’m already starting to regret my decision; and second, now that I see that bloodshot, predatory look in your eyes, I’m going to shut up and allow you to argue your case… Oh gods, please don’t hurt me!
Price
Other 6/5s
I deserve better than this. As you can see from these exceptions that prove the rule, neither nor are supposed to have vigilance. And to just tack on that anti-Aura ability, as if Auras were all that good at the time, is a further affront to my dignity, one that speaks volumes to the laziness and suicidal tendencies of the designer.
Uril, the Miststalker showed us all how to properly do a tricolor Legendary creature that cares about Auras. Bartel is just the worst kind of Chinese Menuing, betraying the total lack of care on the part of the designers.
Bartel’s price shows that even if it were reprinted, it probably wouldn’t even drop all that much, since it’s already at the lowest it could possibly be for a Listed card.
I know you want to reprint as many cards as you can, as a show of good will, but some cards are beyond saving.
I don’t know, I’m still not convinced.
Well, how about this: if I were to rip out your kidney, then superglue in a replacement kidney from a plastic anatomy doll—
Hold up, what does that have to do with anything?
Either you let me finish, or I have a bathtub full of ice already prepared…
I’m sorry, do go on.
Wouldn’t you feel as thought your new kidney was artificially tacked on?
That…was actually painful.
Yes, wasn’t it? What if, after rightfully complaining, I attempted to placate your concerns by mentioning that your new organ can now also play the Prelude and Fugue in D major?
But…but…but that’s not how a kidney’s supposed to work!
Precisely.
Oh gods, I’m too tired to argue with you on this point anymore. Fine,16 it is, then!
Bartel Runeaxe
Price
Other 6/5s
I deserve better than this. As you can see from these exceptions that prove the rule, neither
nor are supposed to have vigilance. And to just tack on that anti-Aura ability, as if Auras were all that good at the time, is a further affront to my dignity, one that speaks volumes to the laziness and suicidal tendencies of the designer.Uril, the Miststalker showed us all how to properly do a tricolor Legendary creature that cares about Auras. Bartel is just the worst kind of Chinese Menuing, betraying the total lack of care on the part of the designers.
Bartel’s price shows that even if it were reprinted, it probably wouldn’t even drop all that much, since it’s already at the lowest it could possibly be for a Listed card.
I know you want to reprint as many cards as you can, as a show of good will, but some cards are beyond saving.
I don’t know, I’m still not convinced.
Well, how about this: if I were to rip out your kidney, then superglue in a replacement kidney from a plastic anatomy doll—
Hold up, what does that have to do with anything?
Either you let me finish, or I have a bathtub full of ice already prepared…
I’m sorry, do go on.
Wouldn’t you feel as thought your new kidney was artificially tacked on?
That…was actually painful.
Yes, wasn’t it? What if, after rightfully complaining, I attempted to placate your concerns by mentioning that your new organ can now also play the Prelude and Fugue in D major?
But…but…but that’s not how a kidney’s supposed to work!
Precisely.
Oh gods, I’m too tired to argue with you on this point anymore. Fine,
{The four corners of the world are ruled by King Tut!}
Boris Devilboon17
Price
Oh gods, Boris is absolutely terrible.
for a 2/2, then wait a turn, then pay an additional , for a 1/1? Here’s a list of what nine mana gets you nowadays. I believe I’ve made my point.
Boris Devilboon
Price
Oh gods, Boris is absolutely terrible.
for a 2/2, then wait a turn, then pay an additional , for a 1/1? Here’s a list of what nine mana gets you nowadays. I believe I’ve made my point.{I wouldn’t call the lines at any amusement park ride “caverns”, unless they were designed to look like one}
Caverns of Despair18
Price
I’ve stated before my intense distaste towards the World supertype. Caverns of Despair also has a few other things against it: 1) Restricting combat doesn’t really seem all that despairy to me. 2) Harold McNeill2. We already have the provided equivalencies, we don’t really need Caverns.
Caverns of Despair
Price
I’ve stated before my intense distaste towards the World supertype. Caverns of Despair also has a few other things against it: 1) Restricting combat doesn’t really seem all that despairy to me. 2) Harold McNeill2. We already have the provided equivalencies, we don’t really need Caverns.
{Chains! My baby’s got me locked up in chains! And they ain’t the kind that you can see.}
Ohh-oh, theses Chains of Mephistopheles have got a hold on me, yeah!19; This is for the Judges!
Price
Yeah. I’d advise against reading the original wording, unless you’re one of those crazy-ass masochists who like hurting their brains with tings like the Humility/Opalescence combo, because you think that it’s a race to 0 SAN.3 Likewise, the updated Gatherer wording isn’t all that better, but it boils down to: Except their first draw during their draw step, if a player would draw, that player either rummages (discard a card, then draw a card, after Rummaging Goblin), or gets milled for 1 if they can’t/don’t rummage.
That’s a bit simpler to understand, but I’m still wishing this was never printed.
Ohh-oh, theses Chains of Mephistopheles have got a hold on me, yeah!
Price
Yeah. I’d advise against reading the original wording, unless you’re one of those crazy-ass masochists who like hurting their brains with tings like the Humility/Opalescence combo, because you think that it’s a race to 0 SAN.3 Likewise, the updated Gatherer wording isn’t all that better, but it boils down to: Except their first draw during their draw step, if a player would draw, that player either rummages (discard a card, then draw a card, after Rummaging Goblin), or gets milled for 1 if they can’t/don’t rummage.
That’s a bit simpler to understand, but I’m still wishing this was never printed.
{Last one for this week}
Cleanse 34
Price
With the printing of Fumigate, we saw WotC change its policy regarding Wrath effects, stating that unbounded wraths should cost 5 or greater. Believe it or not, Cleanse actually fits in with this new design philosophy, as it’s limited in what it can kill, which is reflected perfectly in its mana cost. True, it’d hafta be reprinted in a set like Torment (or, more appropriately, Judgment) in order to get the most value out of it, but even if it isn’t, it’d still be a fine card for Standard.
Cleanse 34
Price
With the printing of Fumigate, we saw WotC change its policy regarding Wrath effects, stating that unbounded wraths should cost 5 or greater. Believe it or not, Cleanse actually fits in with this new design philosophy, as it’s limited in what it can kill, which is reflected perfectly in its mana cost. True, it’d hafta be reprinted in a set like Torment (or, more appropriately, Judgment) in order to get the most value out of it, but even if it isn’t, it’d still be a fine card for Standard.
And that’s it for this week! Our tally so far: 37 stay on The List, 34 get reprinted for Standard, 13 get supplemental reprintings,
Join us next week, where we’ll be continuing Legends. Until then, for myself and Jund,
Much love and thanks to Daij_Djan for making sense of my nonsense, and I’ll see you all next week!
{Footnotes}
1mercy with Mackenzie is my new Punk Rock band name. Yes, it is spelled with only 1 capitalization.
2Website NSFW, what with the nekkid ladies & the Nazi imagery. Yes, really.
3#1427.
1mercy with Mackenzie is my new Punk Rock band name. Yes, it is spelled with only 1 capitalization.
2Website NSFW, what with the nekkid ladies & the Nazi imagery. Yes, really.
3#1427.
