cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 23, 2021 4:16:21 GMT
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Post by ZephyrPhantom on Feb 23, 2021 6:15:05 GMT
Slight wording issues are present. I'll tackle them line by line: "Ill Fated Grunt enters the battlefield with three counters on it." (Probably should give them a name, for that matter. I recommend Fuse counters, see Goblin Bomb and the like.) "At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a counter from Ill Fated Grunt." (you can start to see how it gets ambiguous if other counter types get on it) Last two sentences: "If there are no counters on Ill Fated Grunt, destroy it and ~ deals 3 damage to each creature, player, and planeswalker." (I would strongly suggest sacrifice instead of destroy unless you intend to use regenerate tricks on purpose.) The card itself: Even for something this conditional I've never really seen a Pyroclasm effect appear at common - the best you usually get is something like Chandra's Fury or Electrickery. I'd probably suggest moving this to uncommon.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 23, 2021 15:31:14 GMT
Thank you for the help.  You people are so nice on this forum. <3 Here's what I think it should look like. 
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 23, 2021 16:20:03 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 23, 2021 16:20:29 GMT
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Post by dangerousdice on Feb 23, 2021 20:05:23 GMT
one thing to clarify...
Black is not an evil color. if a black-aligned person decides to become evil, they will be the most noticeable evil around. ironically, this means that it's the worst color to become evil.
EDIT: i missed a word on accident. sorry!
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thaneofglamis
8/8 Octopus
 
Thane's activated abilities can't be activated
Posts: 444
Favorite Card: Slimefoot, the Stowaway; Phyrexian Rager; Swarm Shambler
Favorite Set: Midnight Hunt
Color Alignment: Green
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Post by thaneofglamis on Feb 23, 2021 20:17:23 GMT
Black is very explicitly not an evil color. Black is amoral. Black (usually) only hurts people if it thinks it can benefit from it. Every color can be evil, and every color can be good.
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Post by dangerousdice on Feb 23, 2021 20:31:09 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 24, 2021 2:19:43 GMT
 I love this color wheel helps me with a lot of my design. I generally think of black as willing to sacrifice for the greater good or greater advancement. Though it can also be sacrifice for personal gain. Requires a willingness to take a blow to make a bigger blow. Win at all cost, It's a scale measuring the moral and amoral, the accepted and taboo and one way is good one way is bad but you have options. I play Black Elves and they aren't evil just more willing to do what's necessary even if it's distasteful. If we want an evil color its  is as close as evil colors come.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 25, 2021 6:22:09 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 25, 2021 6:27:00 GMT
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thaneofglamis
8/8 Octopus
 
Thane's activated abilities can't be activated
Posts: 444
Favorite Card: Slimefoot, the Stowaway; Phyrexian Rager; Swarm Shambler
Favorite Set: Midnight Hunt
Color Alignment: Green
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Post by thaneofglamis on Feb 27, 2021 0:03:42 GMT
First issue: These are monstrously overpowered. Second issue: It seems like you fundamentally misunderstand how lands and mana work. Land cards are not mana, mana isn't a type of card, and lands don't go in your mana pool. On to more specific critiques:
All of them:
-You don't need to say "choose one." They're separate abilities already. -They're all strictly better than basic lands, which isn't good for the game. I would make them all enter the battlefield tapped.
Ancient Library:
-I assume you mean to say "draw a card for each Island you control," not "draw a card for each blue mana in your mana pool." Either way, this could easily draw you upwards of eight cards for a single mana, and it's on a land. I don't even know how to fix this.
Dank Library: -It would be worded "  ,  , Sacrifice a creature: Draw cards equal to the sacrificed creature's toughness." This ability is also incredibly overpowered. Compare to Grim Backwoods.
Holy Library: -More of a buildaround than the other two, but again, easily draws you at least a few cards for one mana, and potentially 10 or more. Why is it "last turn" instead of "this turn"? Also, in MTG it's life, not health.
High Set Library: -Artifact creatures are creatures, so that wording is redundant. Sorry to sound like a broken record, but again, far too many cards for too little investment. Also, red rarely cares about toughness.
Overgrown Library:
-This is the one that confused me. Do the Forests you draw go onto the battlefield under your control, or does it put mana in your mana pool? Once more, too many cards for too little investment.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 27, 2021 2:05:26 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 28, 2021 1:47:04 GMT
Hope these are an improvement, I feel like they may still be overpower. I really need to look my card before I post them. Overgrown library still feels op.
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Post by dangerousdice on Feb 28, 2021 3:06:11 GMT
with dank library, it should be "sacrifice A creature".
otherwise, pretty decent. the white one's a bend, i think though.
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thaneofglamis
8/8 Octopus
 
Thane's activated abilities can't be activated
Posts: 444
Favorite Card: Slimefoot, the Stowaway; Phyrexian Rager; Swarm Shambler
Favorite Set: Midnight Hunt
Color Alignment: Green
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Post by thaneofglamis on Feb 28, 2021 7:23:25 GMT
All of them are still too strong, I'm afraid. They're not as egregious as the original cycle, but land abilities are necessarily very expensive as the land itself is free to play, can be easily tutored for, and can also tap for mana. I would recommend looking at existing cards to help with balancing - for instance, Arch of Orazca costs  to draw a card, and it only works with the city's blessing and can't produce colored mana. Grim Backwoods costs four mana and a creature to draw a card, and still sees quite a bit of play.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 28, 2021 15:42:48 GMT
All of them are still too strong, I'm afraid. They're not as egregious as the original cycle, but land abilities are necessarily very expensive as the land itself is free to play, can be easily tutored for, and can also tap for mana. I would recommend looking at existing cards to help with balancing - for instance, Arch of Orazca costs  to draw a card, and it only works with the city's blessing and can't produce colored mana. Grim Backwoods costs four mana and a creature to draw a card, and still sees quite a bit of play. I took your advice and looked up lands that draw cards and I want to give it another try. Dank Library: ~ enters the battlefield tapped.  : Discard a card, Add  .  ,  , Sacrifice a creature: Draw a card, Discard a card lose 1 life. Overgrown Library: ~ enters the battlefield tapped.  : Discard a card, Add  .  ,  : Draw a card, Discard 2 card. Ancient Library: ~ enters the battlefield tapped.  : Discard a Card, Add  .  ,  , mill 1 card: draw a card, Discard a card. High Set Library: ~ enters the battlefield tapped.  : Discard a card, Add  .  ,  , destroy creature you control: Draw a card, Discard a card. Holy Library: ~ enters the battlefield tapped.  : Discard a card, add  .  ,  : Gain 1 life, draw a card, Discard a card
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Feb 28, 2021 22:16:22 GMT
I like the draw a card, Discard a card ability because it's like borrowing a book from a library you take one and return another. I also had the idea of putting one on the bottom of your library. Oh and all these are 
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 1, 2021 1:18:47 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 1, 2021 17:21:38 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 2, 2021 0:54:18 GMT
Some of the rarities need to be tweaked. I am aware of that. I was running out the door when I exported these.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 2, 2021 16:55:04 GMT
Did I do something wrong or something, nobody has replied and I am worried I did something wrong. thaneofglamis
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thaneofglamis
8/8 Octopus
 
Thane's activated abilities can't be activated
Posts: 444
Favorite Card: Slimefoot, the Stowaway; Phyrexian Rager; Swarm Shambler
Favorite Set: Midnight Hunt
Color Alignment: Green
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Post by thaneofglamis on Mar 2, 2021 21:01:08 GMT
You didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't get a chance to write commentary.
The Libraries: -Now you've gone too far in the other direction. I would simplify them so they all enter tapped, tap for one mana of their color, and have "  ,  : Draw a card, then discard a card." -If you want to make them stronger because they're rare, they could enter untapped if you control another Library, similar to the Castles.
Shemnara: -Should be legendary. -"Untap target land." and "Destroy target nonwhite creature. If it has indestructible and power 4 or less, exile it instead."
-She's also incredibly weak. Gaining 1 life at a time is completely useless, and the removal is so conditional and expensive it's basically never worth using. I'm not sure what Shemnara's powerset is like, so I can't really offer alternative abilities.
Mera:
-Should be legendary. -The -1 ability should be above the -7 ability.
-"Vamperein and Elves you control get +1/+1 until end of turn." -Dealing direct damage to creatures is nearly exclusively a red thing. Also, dealing 7 damage to something is not worth 7 loyalty.
-You need to specify what kind of token she makes. "Create a 2/2 colorless Vamperein Elf creature token." Is the token supposed to be colorless? -Is there a reason you use "Vamperein" instead of Vampire for these cards? In MTG, typelines are always consistent even if the name of the creature in-lore is different. For example, Goblins from Lorwyn are called boggarts, but they still have the creature type Goblin.
Master of Death: -Would you mind explaining what a Shiekuu is? Also, having the same name for both an ability and a creature type is confusing. The Shiekuu ability also seems to be fairly useless, as there are no creatures with defender or shadow in the set. -"  ,  : Shiekuu you control get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn." The mana cost on this ability might need to be higher.
Tested Patience:
-Deeptapping things is more of a blue effect than a white one.
-This card has memory issues. You might want to change it to a Claustrophobia-style Aura instead.
Maerik: -Do you really need two different black/green tribal planeswalkers with the same -7 at mythic? -All the same issues as Mera as well.
I'll write more when I have the time.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 3, 2021 1:43:26 GMT
Vamperein are a race in my book similar to elves, but they are cursed. Originally they were just a type of vampire elf, now I changed it to being cursed. Lot more.complicated, but I just kept the name. I added elf because I wanted them to have elf tribal effects but if it makes more sense to remove it I will. Shiekuu are an elite order of warriors with no match in strength and skill. Mera and Maerik are lifemates but I don't know how to implement that. The token would be green or red haven't decided.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 3, 2021 2:31:07 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 3, 2021 15:30:13 GMT
I have a few excerpts from my book to share and a card ti   Yes I am aware that this is official MtG Innistrad artwork, no I did not know at the time I found it on Deviantart. stupid me, yes I did edit it. I will eventually make my own artwork. Vamperein cure the curse by having a telepathic marriage bond. It makes them aware of each others feelings, thought, emotions, etc. at all times. It's something very sacred to their people and only two compatible individuals should have the bond. incompatibility is rare so its not incredibly hard to find a mate, especially when you have 10 plus Lethurean Years (which is 600 days, with a total of 6000 days.) Their are multiple planets, interplanetary match makers, etc. Maerik has Mera but he has been gone at war for 12+ years and has finally returned. He's over the ten year mark so the curse is really starting to effect him. The Cards Mera Orland, Chosen Heroine and Maerik Teslek, Chosen Hero are after they are married.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 3, 2021 16:07:13 GMT
I thought up two abilities for mera and Maerik. One would be, when mera and Maerik are both on the battlefield you may have 1 additional card in your hand. Then have the other as, if Mera and Maerik are both on the battlefield spells cost  less to cast.
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 3, 2021 20:54:22 GMT
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cdjensen94
2/2 Zombie

I love Gaming, Magic, Writing, and Art
Posts: 100
Favorite Card: Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger
Favorite Set: New Phyrexia, Ixalan
Color Alignment: Blue, Black, Green
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Post by cdjensen94 on Mar 6, 2021 23:59:55 GMT
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