Inside Headquarters: DON'T FUCKING JINX THIS FOR ME, GUYS! May 29, 2020 22:01:15 GMT
Post by sdfkjgh on May 29, 2020 22:01:15 GMT
...so, it looks like Senpai has a real shot at the Arena Open next week!
Ral: Mel, you irritating little genki, there’s no way in hell that the dumbass is gonna ever do better than 2-0-3 on Day 1.
Normally, yes, maybe. But look at what he’s working with now!
Ral: What, that godawful Sharknado list that’s probably missing yet another broken, Rule #1-violating mistake of R&D?
No, silly! The good deck, Os Mutantes! Jund, you’re at least partly represented in it, what do you think?
I warned you before what would happen to you if you ever interrupted my nap with your VHF shouting again, little caries nugget. Now prepare to become an addition to my gluteal adipose tissue.
Teferi: Cool it, Jund. Mel, you want an analysis of our boy’s chances with Os Mutantes next week?
Teferi: Very well. It’s Best of One on Day 1, right? Because they just have to push their format that is not-at-all indicative of how the majority of Magic has been played for over two decades, but whatever. Why they’re doing so would be a topic for another column, but for now, let’s examine the pros & cons:
- 1) Control absolutely sucks in Bo1 (Pro Os Mutantes).
- 2) Full-out, balls to the walls Aggro is especially favored in Bo1 (Con OsM).
- 3) Without Control as the Apex Predator it usually is in other formats, Midrange gets to move in to fill that niche (very Pro OsM).
- 4) Ever since the recent bannings, Gyruda has almost completely dropped off the face of the earth, both as a card, and as a deck (Pro OsM).
- 5) Os Mutantes has the removal and lifegain to not care about anything the various Lurrus decks are trying to do (Pro OsM);
- 5a) Corollary to the above point: Os Mutantes is only ever weak to hard Control (especially Superfriends styles), opponents’ ultrafast starts, lack of Druids on its part, sacrifice effects, and cards that were pushed a little too hard to be healthy for design balance going forward.
That’s my racket you’re muscling in on!
Teferi: Quiet. Given that Os Mutantes is already pretty tuned towards handling all comers in Bo1 (and remember, this was all done by accident), possibly needing only to swap out 1 Fertilid in the main with one Anguirus, Armored Killer from the side beforehand, depending on the field, it’s looking like about a 75-80% chance to make it to Day 2. Beyond that, there’s only about a 20-45% chance of winning in the money, but a better than even chance of winning more than three rounds on Day 2. The boy’d have to be pretty lucky to take the whole thing, but Os Mutantes seems to be enough of an unknown quantity, at least in Game 1, that there’s a chance of it happening, however vanishingly small.
Ral: Aww, you should’ve let Jund eat her. We’d finally be rid of the annoying little pipsqueak.
Teferi: Back off, Ral. She has just as much right to be here as any of us, including you-know-who…
Ral: Sshhhhh!! Do you want him to show up?! He sucks all the fun out of a room!
Teferi: Then apologise to Mel, or I invoke--
Ral: Alright! Alright! Mel, I’m sorry I wish Jund would go all 682 on your annoying ass.
Teferi: Ral, do better, or I call upon Wri--
Ral: Alright! Mel, I’m sorry I’m so mean to you, *to Teferi:* HAPPY?!
That’s ok, Zarek-sama. Anytime I want to, I can just speak to Vrona-sama about your proper punishment!
Ral: You dirty little chibi. You wouldn’t dare!
Just try testing me, little lightning bug. Figgings and Wartenburgs are only the beginnings of what’s in store for you if you dare cross me again!
Ral: ...How the fuck are you even aware of those words?!
Mel, I’m liking this new side of you.
This isn’t a new side of me, little Shard, and if you ever even attempt to threaten harm to me again, I shall be forced to angel wing Bant and Esper right through you.
What say you and I discuss this further over coffee?
Ral: Oh, for fuck’s sake! DON’T EVER GIVE HER COFFEE!!!
Teferi: Leave it, man. Just be glad she’ll be too distracted to tell your husband of your transgressions. You’re lucky I’m so forgiving, or I’d tell him myself. Just watch yourself around her, alright?
Ral: Fine. Hey, you weren’t really gonna summon that guy, were you?
Teferi: Oh, Writer’s Bl--
Ral: Jesusfuck! Ok, ok, I get it!
Teferi: I never make empty threats, Zarek. You of all people should know that by now.
Ral: Fine. Let’s just end this. Thanks to Daij_Djan , and there’ll be nothing next week, because of The Arena Open, so wish our boy some luck.
Teferi: After that, there might be a tournament report, if he remembers it, but until then, this is goodbye for all of us here inside his head.
Ral: There’s some damp corners that DEFINITELY need seeing-to.