Card of the Week Contest #389: Treasures of the Wastes

{Spoiler}
Enchant opponent
At the beginning of the enchanted player’s upkeep, you and the enchanted player note your life totals.
If you would lose the game, you and the enchanted player shuffle all cards from your hands, graveyards, and all other nonland permanents you and the enchanted player control into their owners libraries instead. When you do, the enchanted player’s life total each become the last life total they noted, then they draw seven cards. Your life total becomes the last number you noted and you draw seven cards. Exile this permanent.

{a whole lot of design critiques, as requested}
The first clause is easy to clean up. "X of Y" is a posessive form and can be easily rewritten as "Y's X," so you go from each upkeep of enchanted player, to each enchanted player's upkeep, then because you can only have one 'enchanted player' each becomes redundant and can be dropped to get enchanted player's upkeep. This is a change I think most users on the site would agree is cleaner and doesn't change the card's effect at all.

The second clause and beyond is a bit less straight forward, in part because its all inter-related and how we word the second clause is going to affect how we are able to word the entire third ablity. The question I want to ask is "who is noting the life totals and number of lands the player controls," and I'll argue that it's best for each player to note their lifetotal and number of lands as individuals, ei you and the enchanted player both note your life totals and the number of lands you each control, because it makes it possible for the third ability's wording to be more straight forward.

I say more straight forward because your third ability is gonna be veritable minefield for rules language, especially if you want to change exactly nothing about how it works.

Let's get the simple stuff out of the way

• This permanent would typically be replaced by the card name (using MSE the ~ symbol or CARDNAME automatically update as you change the card's name), but because this card's name is so long, I'm gonna not push that particular convention here: just make you aware of it.
• Starting with you is typically reserved for 'auction'-esque effects where multiple players are making order sensitive decisions during the resolution process. (see Theives' Auction); as no players are making decisions during the resolution of the effect, it can be omitted entirely.