Post by sdfkjgh on Dec 8, 2018 0:46:33 GMT
…Well, now that I’m done giving myself a ”Rusty Venture”(vulgar language wording), it’s time to get back to work.
Hello, and welcome back to No Reservations II, Alliances. This is the final episode of this set, which means two things, once this is done: 1) We’re now halfway through the entire Reserved List, at least as far as sets are concerned; & 2) Next week is that special storytime treat I’ve been promising you all for weeks now. So let’s not tarry any further!
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 55 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 119 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 45 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•106 cards that should’ve been tossed onto a pile, then burned before being printed.
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to The Burn Pile.
BSQ: 277/332, or 83.43373493975904%.
Let’s dance!
And that’s it, we’re done!
• 57 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 125 cards get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Rogue Skycaptain and Soldevi Digger both downgraded from
to 
).
• 47 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•110 cards forced to divide by zero
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•Naked Singularity, Bronze Tablet, Jeweled Bird, Rebirth, Tempest Efreet, and Rishadan Port have been retroactively added to the list of cards that divided by zero.
BSQ: 289/346, or 83.52601156069364%.
Next week is that special storytime, so until then, with thanks to Daij_Djan, I’m asking you to pray for poor, poor Mel’s speedy recovery.
Also, irl, my mom is suffering through pneumonia as I write this, so please, if you would be so kind as to include a real person in your prayers for an imaginary character, that would be lovely.
Good night, and happy holidays.
Hello, and welcome back to No Reservations II, Alliances. This is the final episode of this set, which means two things, once this is done: 1) We’re now halfway through the entire Reserved List, at least as far as sets are concerned; & 2) Next week is that special storytime treat I’ve been promising you all for weeks now. So let’s not tarry any further!
To recap:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 55 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 119 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 45 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 277/332, or 83.43373493975904%.
Let’s dance!
{I was thinking of translating “Now you’re thinking, WITH PORTALS!” into Phyrexian, but then I realized it’d take too long, be far more trouble than it’s worth1, and prolly wouldn’t even be displayable here, what with the needing an actual new language font, and that language being written vertically…}
Phyrexian Portal 120
Price
Phyrexian Portal asks you “How much are you willing to pay for a particular card? How deep are you willing to go down thisrabbitcompleated monstrosity-hole?” Plus, when you open it up to multiplayer play, you gain the potential, via careful politicking, of not even losing a single card to exile. Ah, the benefits of “opponents”, and secret alliances with same.
Still, “
: Get the best card of the top ten cards of your library.” is near-ludicrous levels of card selection, until you actually use it, and see just how much you’re at the mercy of the opponent who picks for you. It’s probably safe for Standard, but I’d keep my eye on it.
Phyrexian Portal 120
Price
{Equivalencies}
Dig Through Time
Price
Demonic Consultation
Price
Spoils of the Vault
Price
Gifts Ungiven
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Realms Uncharted
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Steam Augury
Price
Truth or Tale
Price
Fact or Fiction
Price
Dig Through Time
Price
Demonic Consultation
Price
Spoils of the Vault
Price
Gifts Ungiven
Price
Realms Uncharted
Price
Steam Augury
Price
Truth or Tale
Price
Fact or Fiction
Price
Phyrexian Portal asks you “How much are you willing to pay for a particular card? How deep are you willing to go down this
Still, “
: Get the best card of the top ten cards of your library.” is near-ludicrous levels of card selection, until you actually use it, and see just how much you’re at the mercy of the opponent who picks for you. It’s probably safe for Standard, but I’d keep my eye on it.{It’s alright, we told you what to dream.}
Welcome to the Machine 121
Price
How often do creatures trade in combat? Ritual of the Machine is literally just trading a creature for a creature. Why is this even Listed? Oh, right, because it’s a rare, and no other reason! The bullshit is strong with this one.
Ritual of the Machine would’ve been a perfect card to reprint for Neal Patrick Harris.2
Welcome to the Machine 121
Price
How often do creatures trade in combat? Ritual of the Machine is literally just trading a creature for a creature. Why is this even Listed? Oh, right, because it’s a rare, and no other reason! The bullshit is strong with this one.
Ritual of the Machine would’ve been a perfect card to reprint for Neal Patrick Harris.2
{Mmmmmm, tasty, tasty jank! Auauauauuauauaaauaaaaghhh!}
Rogue Skycaptain 122, downgraded from to .
Price
Please, please, pretty please can I have this one, Senpai?
Hiya, Mel. Sure, go ahead!
Arigatou-gozaimasu! I just love designs like this. You gotta keep paying the Mercenary, or he’ll desert you to find someone more willing to pay to keep him happy. Stuff like this keeps ME happy! I don’t care that it’s utter jank, it does exactly what you’d expect a Mercenary to do. In fact, the fact that it is jank is actually a bit of a plus for me, as that means that it’s completely safe to reprint in Standard, few players will want to play with it, and that means more of them for me! It’s a win-win-win! 私のちび魂の中で歓喜バースト!!!
Thank you, Mel.
Rogue Skycaptain 122, downgraded from
to .Price
Please, please, pretty please can I have this one, Senpai?
Hiya, Mel. Sure, go ahead!
Arigatou-gozaimasu! I just love designs like this. You gotta keep paying the Mercenary, or he’ll desert you to find someone more willing to pay to keep him happy. Stuff like this keeps ME happy! I don’t care that it’s utter jank, it does exactly what you’d expect a Mercenary to do. In fact, the fact that it is jank is actually a bit of a plus for me, as that means that it’s completely safe to reprint in Standard, few players will want to play with it, and that means more of them for me! It’s a win-win-win! 私のちび魂の中で歓喜バースト!!!
Thank you, Mel.
{”Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye! Hate cards aren’t supposed to be this powerful!”}
Royal Decree 56
Price
Dystopia, Nature’s Wrath, Omen of Fire, and now Royal Decree. That’s four different cards that say “How do you like getting punched in the junk? Doesn’t matter, you’re going to get punched. In the junk. Repeatedly.”
What the fuck were they even DOING back then?!
Royal Decree 56
Price
Dystopia, Nature’s Wrath, Omen of Fire, and now Royal Decree. That’s four different cards that say “How do you like getting punched in the junk? Doesn’t matter, you’re going to get punched. In the junk. Repeatedly.”
What the fuck were they even DOING back then?!
{Just because graveyard order matters is no longer supported doesn’t mean that we should continue to penalize a good card.}
Soldevi Digger 123, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition II.
Price
I think nothing further needs to be said.
Soldevi Digger 123, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition II.Price
I think nothing further needs to be said.
{What the actual fuck is this abomination?! Oh, dear lord, don’t let Mel see it, we’d never hear the end of it!}
Splintering Wind107
Price
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit. Too late!
Mel, sweetie, are you ok?
aiwluwaluwaaluablblblblblblblblbbllll…
Ral: She’s fine!
No she’s not, you callous ass, she’s obviously in severe psychic pain! Look at her, she’s twitching like a grand mal patient! And now she’s breaking out into severe hives! I haven’t seen her this bad off since Hornet Sting.
NOT THE HORNET STING!!!
Ral: See, she’s fine!
She’s still in a coma, you dick!
Guess I’ll hafta do this one without her, and pray for the best. Splintering Wind is an utter garbage fire, pure and simple (while still itself being neither pure, nor simple). Let’s count all the ways it goes wrong:
Splintering Wind is a bad card, it makes my head hurt, and it may have killed Mel. That bastard, ratfucking card!
Splintering Wind
Price
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit. Too late!
Mel, sweetie, are you ok?
aiwluwaluwaaluablblblblblblblblbbllll…
Ral: She’s fine!
No she’s not, you callous ass, she’s obviously in severe psychic pain! Look at her, she’s twitching like a grand mal patient! And now she’s breaking out into severe hives! I haven’t seen her this bad off since Hornet Sting.
NOT THE HORNET STING!!!
Ral: See, she’s fine!
She’s still in a coma, you dick!
Guess I’ll hafta do this one without her, and pray for the best. Splintering Wind is an utter garbage fire, pure and simple (while still itself being neither pure, nor simple). Let’s count all the ways it goes wrong:
isn’t supposed to have access to unrestricted direct damage. Fighting, punching, and combat are the be-all and end-all of ’s damage-dealing abilities.- isn’t supposed to have a whole lot of fliers.
- Not only is each activation exorbitantly expensive, but each token created by it has a cumulative upkeep of , which leads us into…
- As fragile as these tokens are, once one leaves the battlefield, not when it dies, but when it leaves the battlefield, it leaves behind a surprise for you and all your dudes. Lord help you if you control more than one of these tokens when that happens.
Splintering Wind is a bad card, it makes my head hurt, and it may have killed Mel. That bastard, ratfucking card!
{Yet another card that didn’t need to be made.}
Sustaining Spirit108
Price
About the only thing that Sustaining Spirit did right was porting the ability over to
.
Honestly, the execution of cumulative upkeep in the set is absolutely horrendous. Not just badly done, like using a drawback mechanic as the set’s main pull, but aggressively boring, with no innovation on it at all! Say what you will about Coldsnap, at least it dared to make cumulative upkeep actually interesting, even exciting.
Sustaining Spirit
Price
{All the exact same or similar abilities, and they’re all much better options!}
Ali from Cairo4
Price
Fortune Thief
Price
Worship
Price
Elderscale Wurm
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Ali from Cairo4
Price
Fortune Thief
Price
Worship
Price
Elderscale Wurm
Price
About the only thing that Sustaining Spirit did right was porting the ability over to
.Honestly, the execution of cumulative upkeep in the set is absolutely horrendous. Not just badly done, like using a drawback mechanic as the set’s main pull, but aggressively boring, with no innovation on it at all! Say what you will about Coldsnap, at least it dared to make cumulative upkeep actually interesting, even exciting.
{”Cloud Strife ain’t got shit on me! Plus, MY sword doesn’t break the laws of physics!”5}
Sworn Defender 124
Price
Sworn Defender is the ultimate blocker, pure and simple. She is the alpha and the omega of Gandalfing, and she desperately needs a reprint NOW!
The argument could be made that Shield Dancer is her spiritual successor7, but nothing compares to the OG.
Sworn Defender 124
Price
Sworn Defender is the ultimate blocker, pure and simple. She is the alpha and the omega of Gandalfing, and she desperately needs a reprint NOW!
The argument could be made that Shield Dancer is her spiritual successor7, but nothing compares to the OG.
{Whaddya get when you cross Body Horror with Little Shop’s Audrey II & a giant fucking rat skull?}
Thought Lash See below.
Price
Every time I try to evaluate Thought Lash, all I can come up with is “Wow, I know EXACTLY how that poor woman feels!” That art just leaves me stupefied every single time.
I get that there is serious Johnny potential with this card, it’s just that art…I…I can’t look away…
*ragdoll-shakes his head*Rbrbrbrbrbrbbrbbrrr
Ok, I’ve hidden the art, mebbe now I can do a clearheaded appraisal. The cumulative upkeep means that there’s no way in hell that Thought Lash gets reprinted in Standard, but the card is too obviously powerful to be relegated to The Burn Pile, but too obviously janky to stay on The Reserved List. That just leaves one place for it, and it’s the one place (Commander) where it would have the greatest power. 46
Thought Lash See below.
Price
Every time I try to evaluate Thought Lash, all I can come up with is “Wow, I know EXACTLY how that poor woman feels!” That art just leaves me stupefied every single time.
I get that there is serious Johnny potential with this card, it’s just that art…I…I can’t look away…
*ragdoll-shakes his head*Rbrbrbrbrbrbbrbbrrr
Ok, I’ve hidden the art, mebbe now I can do a clearheaded appraisal. The cumulative upkeep means that there’s no way in hell that Thought Lash gets reprinted in Standard, but the card is too obviously powerful to be relegated to The Burn Pile, but too obviously janky to stay on The Reserved List. That just leaves one place for it, and it’s the one place (Commander) where it would have the greatest power. 46
{OH LOOK. THEY MADE IT A HAT TRICK!}
Tidal Control 57, but I’m sorely tempted now to go back and Burn the whole cycle!
Price
No. Just no. At least there isn’t an artifact/colorless version, to make it a true hat trick.
Tidal Control 57, but I’m sorely tempted now to go back and Burn the whole cycle!
Price
No. Just no. At least there isn’t an artifact/colorless version, to make it a true hat trick.
{Oh, thank the gods! Mel, you’re out of your coma! I think we’re through the worst of it. Is the bad thing gone, Senpai?}
Shit, spoke too soon!109
Price
hckHUUAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!!!
Shit, WE GOT A VOMITER OVER HERE!! CODE BLUE! CODE BROWN! CODE BLUE AND BROWN! ONE BLUE, THREE BROWN!
HUUAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!!!
BETTER MAKE THAT FIVE BROWN!
Desert Twister is a mistake, was a mistake, and always will be a mistake. Tornado is three or four mistakes stapled together, then slapped with a name that deserved sooo much better. No one color should be able to take out any permanent. Even honey badgers want to never be associated with Tornado’s thoughtless carelessness.
Poor Mel. Alliances is putting her through the fucking wringer.
Shit, spoke too soon!
Price
hckHUUAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!!!
Shit, WE GOT A VOMITER OVER HERE!! CODE BLUE! CODE BROWN! CODE BLUE AND BROWN! ONE BLUE, THREE BROWN!
HUUAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!!!
BETTER MAKE THAT FIVE BROWN!
Desert Twister is a mistake, was a mistake, and always will be a mistake. Tornado is three or four mistakes stapled together, then slapped with a name that deserved sooo much better. No one color should be able to take out any permanent. Even honey badgers want to never be associated with Tornado’s thoughtless carelessness.
Poor Mel. Alliances is putting her through the fucking wringer.
{What’s this? An actual innovation on cumulative upkeep? Gimme some room on that hospital bed there, Mel, I think I’m having a heart attack!}
Varchild’s War-Riders 47
Price
There are two things preventing me from giving Varchild’s War-Riders a Standard reprint:
Varchild’s War-Riders 47
Price
There are two things preventing me from giving Varchild’s War-Riders a Standard reprint:
- The Ice Age storyline is over, done with, and long since wrapped (barring the occasional loose end), and Time of Ice is just a callback, not a guarantee of a return to that storyline. As such, since Varchild’s War-Riders name-drops a pretty important figure in that story, and embodies a pretty important event in that story, it’d be pretty hard to justify a Standard reprint.
- Despite how amazing that cumulative upkeep is, both in terms of flavorful execution (every atrocity they commit, they leave more and more survivors, but even when those survivors all stand together and fight, they still can’t ever hope to take out their oppressors without additional help), and innovation to the ability, cumulative upkeep is still a drawback mechanic, and those should never be the thing you pin your hopes on that it’ll be what draws in your players.
{Interesting how the flying hippo captured our hearts and minds, whereas the nomadic magician just kinda went nowhere.}
Wandering Mage 125
Price
Hippo. Birdgirl.
Mebbe the reason Wandering Mage hasn’t seen the same popularity as Phelddagrif is the fact that Wandering Mage is essentially just a 10trick pony, despite all the different ways it can do that one trick, whereas Phelddagrif is a Swiss Army Knife of possibilities.
It’s like if you saw a street performer reach his whole arm into some poor bystander’s chest cavity, shoved his own fist up his ass, and started having the dry heaves – at the end of the trick, in each instance, he’s just pulling foam balls out of places where they don’t belong.
Yes, some magicians make pretty decent money performing the same trick multiple different ways, but at the end of the day, it can get a little boring for us in the audience.
Wandering Mage 125
Price
Hippo. Birdgirl.
Mebbe the reason Wandering Mage hasn’t seen the same popularity as Phelddagrif is the fact that Wandering Mage is essentially just a 10trick pony, despite all the different ways it can do that one trick, whereas Phelddagrif is a Swiss Army Knife of possibilities.
It’s like if you saw a street performer reach his whole arm into some poor bystander’s chest cavity, shoved his own fist up his ass, and started having the dry heaves – at the end of the trick, in each instance, he’s just pulling foam balls out of places where they don’t belong.
Yes, some magicians make pretty decent money performing the same trick multiple different ways, but at the end of the day, it can get a little boring for us in the audience.
{Huzzah! It’s finally over!}
Winter’s Night110
Price
Winter’s Night is the worst sort of breaded egg design possible. Sometimes, this style of design can produce some amazing cards (like the Time Spiral block cycle of 1-card combos), but other times (and this is most often with amateur designers, myself included) it just produces some utter trash like Winter’s Night.
It’s kinda funny, because I keep finding myself wanting to like Winter’s Night. If only it was a normal enchantment, and not a World Enchantment. If only it affected more lands than just Snow lands. If only it were any good.
If it wasn’t restricted to just Snow lands, this might be one of the few World Enchantments that’d actually be worth reprinting, but no. If they ever do a normal enchantment version of this, I can definitely see them completely excising Snow from the equation.
Winter’s Night
Price
Winter’s Night is the worst sort of breaded egg design possible. Sometimes, this style of design can produce some amazing cards (like the Time Spiral block cycle of 1-card combos), but other times (and this is most often with amateur designers, myself included) it just produces some utter trash like Winter’s Night.
It’s kinda funny, because I keep finding myself wanting to like Winter’s Night. If only it was a normal enchantment, and not a World Enchantment. If only it affected more lands than just Snow lands. If only it were any good.
If it wasn’t restricted to just Snow lands, this might be one of the few World Enchantments that’d actually be worth reprinting, but no. If they ever do a normal enchantment version of this, I can definitely see them completely excising Snow from the equation.
And that’s it, we’re done!
• 57 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 125 cards get reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Rogue Skycaptain and Soldevi Digger both downgraded from
to ).• 47 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• Dark Ritual has been added to The New Revised Reserved List.
•
BSQ: 289/346, or 83.52601156069364%.
Next week is that special storytime, so until then, with thanks to Daij_Djan, I’m asking you to pray for poor, poor Mel’s speedy recovery.
Also, irl, my mom is suffering through pneumonia as I write this, so please, if you would be so kind as to include a real person in your prayers for an imaginary character, that would be lovely.
Good night, and happy holidays.
{Footnotes}
| 1 | Ral: How exactly would that be any different from any of the other dumb, overlong jokes of dubious & questionable humor you do here? Quiet! |
| 2 | I wonder if the Phyrexians understand the concept of irony. If they do, I’m willing to bet that once they invade3, they won’t even touch Neal Patrick Harris, just for the lulz! |
| 3 | Ral: “Once they invade”? Dude, I’m pretty sure they’ve been here for almost a decade! |
| 4 | I would like to point out and clarify something that I’m worried I might’ve been too subtle about for anyone to notice before. Usually, I refrain from using a Listed card in an argument about another Listed card, but since I’ve already ruled that Ali from Cairo is safe to reprint, that means that it’s also safe to use as an argument for or against another listed card. To generalize: Once I’ve ruled in favor of a Listed card’s safety for reprinting, that card is also safe to be cited as an argument for or against another, future Listed card. |
| 5 | Ral: Oh, damn! Shots fired! Shots fired! |
| 6 | Considering that Sentinel is a from Legends, I’m surprised it isn’t on The Reserved List. Oh, wait, it’s a from Legends that’s actually useful, and not an overpriced piece of garbage!5 |
| 7 | In my mind (and possibly in the pages of AO3), Shield Dancer is actually Sworn Defender’s daughter or granddaughter or an even more distant direct descendant. |