Post by sdfkjgh on Jul 19, 2018 13:44:50 GMT
AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT’S FUCKIN’ HOT?!
Welcome back to No Reservations II. A quick update before we begin: in between when I finished writing part a of The Dark and now, where I live1 became the hypocenter for a MASSIVE heat wave, with temperatures hitting around 115-120° F. We’re still in the tail of it, as of 4:48 pm, 7/10/18, when this is being written. It’s 90° F right now, which feels pleasantly cool by comparison, & I just realized how insane that sounds as I typed it out! If any of you are climate change deniers, fuck you! Pure and simple. The USA is currently suffering through some of the most intense and unseasonable heat waves in all of recorded history, across the entire country, hurricanes are getting worse and more frequent, and you have the unmitigated gall to deny that there’s any proof to the scientific consensus? Again I say, fuck you!
Anyway, let’s review:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List
• 55 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 25 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•54 cards salvaged for pulp, to be used in the manufacture of gelignite.
• And Dark Ritual is still not going anywhere.
This gives us a BSQ of 135/176, or 76.7045%.
And now, the conclusion of The Dark.
And that’s it for The Dark! At least it wasn’t as bad as Legends. Let’s see the tally:
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 62 card reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Scarwood Bandits, Tracker, and Wormwood Treefolk all downgraded from
to 
).
• 26 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•57 cards left for the worms to come.
• And Dark Ritual added to The Reserved List, like it should’ve been done in the first place
This gives us a BSQ of 146/187, or 78.07486631016043%. Whole lotta bullshit!
Join us next week, where I’ll be showcasing my Wurmcalling deck in Tosche Station; and the week after that, when I’ll be starting on Fallen Empires’ 27 Listed cards.
Until then, with thanks to my wonderful Editor Daij_Djan, this is not Rick James, bitch, saying “Seroquel’s a hell of a drug!”
Welcome back to No Reservations II. A quick update before we begin: in between when I finished writing part a of The Dark and now, where I live1 became the hypocenter for a MASSIVE heat wave, with temperatures hitting around 115-120° F. We’re still in the tail of it, as of 4:48 pm, 7/10/18, when this is being written. It’s 90° F right now, which feels pleasantly cool by comparison, & I just realized how insane that sounds as I typed it out! If any of you are climate change deniers, fuck you! Pure and simple. The USA is currently suffering through some of the most intense and unseasonable heat waves in all of recorded history, across the entire country, hurricanes are getting worse and more frequent, and you have the unmitigated gall to deny that there’s any proof to the scientific consensus? Again I say, fuck you!
Anyway, let’s review:
Here’s the link to the complete Reserved List.
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List
• 55 cards reprinted in Standard.
• 25 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual is still not going anywhere.
This gives us a BSQ of 135/176, or 76.7045%.
And now, the conclusion of The Dark.
{The Grand Creature Type Update gave this the most flavorful typeline upgrade in the entire game.}
Nameless Race 56
Price
Nameless Race is, along with its direct descendant, Minion of the Wastes a perfect example of WotC’s tendency to overreact to the wrong things. Did Nameless Race actually need the anti-
limitation? In all likelihood, no. Other than that, is it costed appropriately? Absolutely, but there’s still this one little matter of our additional friend. When you take that into consideration, you begin to understand why WotC saw fit to add the unnecessary restriction. A potential 19/19 trampler on turn 4 is a little scary, but Nameless Race’s opponent has had time to prepare. That same 19/19 trampler on turn 1 is game over. Nevermind that EVERYONE was doing MUCH more broken things at the time with completely different cards, which didn’t leave them so vulnerable.
Which brings us to Minion of the Wastes. Remember that Dark Ritual was also printed in Tempest (at
, even!). Take that into account, and it pretty much matches the cost of Nameless Race (
and the 
from Dark Rit, which only costs ).
All of this boils down to the perfect case study of why Dark Ritual should’ve been Listed2, and, to a lesser extent, why Nameless Race is safe to reprint in Standard.
Nameless Race 56
Price
Nameless Race is, along with its direct descendant, Minion of the Wastes a perfect example of WotC’s tendency to overreact to the wrong things. Did Nameless Race actually need the anti-
limitation? In all likelihood, no. Other than that, is it costed appropriately? Absolutely, but there’s still this one little matter of our additional friend. When you take that into consideration, you begin to understand why WotC saw fit to add the unnecessary restriction. A potential 19/19 trampler on turn 4 is a little scary, but Nameless Race’s opponent has had time to prepare. That same 19/19 trampler on turn 1 is game over. Nevermind that EVERYONE was doing MUCH more broken things at the time with completely different cards, which didn’t leave them so vulnerable.Which brings us to Minion of the Wastes. Remember that Dark Ritual was also printed in Tempest (at
, even!). Take that into account, and it pretty much matches the cost of Nameless Race ( and the from Dark Rit, which only costs ).All of this boils down to the perfect case study of why Dark Ritual should’ve been Listed2, and, to a lesser extent, why Nameless Race is safe to reprint in Standard.
{The face that scares small children in their nightmares}
Niall Silvain55
Price
Even just Suture Spirit is a better option.
When the best thing about a card is the negative Gatherer Comments about it, you know you’re in trouble! I can very easily imagine Niall Silvain and Ragnar arguing over who’s worse. Superb art by a dear, sadly departed, man, absolute shitpile of a card. That’s not his fault, it just burns me that work this good is attached to work this bad.
Niall Silvain
Price
Even just Suture Spirit is a better option.
When the best thing about a card is the negative Gatherer Comments about it, you know you’re in trouble! I can very easily imagine Niall Silvain and Ragnar arguing over who’s worse. Superb art by a dear, sadly departed, man, absolute shitpile of a card. That’s not his fault, it just burns me that work this good is attached to work this bad.
{Jesse Custer in a Teddy Boy wig}
Preacher 57
Price
As exemplified by Smutty Smiff.
Preacher is ok. Just look at Rust Tick, or Diabolic Edict. Have either of those broken any formats? No. Can’t really think of much else to say.
Preacher 57
Price
As exemplified by Smutty Smiff.
Preacher is ok. Just look at Rust Tick, or Diabolic Edict. Have either of those broken any formats? No. Can’t really think of much else to say.
{Try Simpson & Son’s Patented Nerve Tonic! Guaranteed to cure urticaria of the brain!}
Psychic Allergy 26
Price
I wanna reprint this specifically in a Commander set just to prove 2 points:
1) How absolutely terrible this card is, from costs to effect, to MASSIVE color pie violation.
2) How absolutely NONE of that matters to the average Commander player, as Commander is the Mos Eisley of Johnny/Spikes.
Psychic Allergy is an utter mess, able to completely wreck some shit, but considering all of the enchantment hate running rampant in the format, Commander is the safest place for it. I pledged total severity in my paring down of The Reserved List, and this should show how serious I am.
Psychic Allergy 26
Price
I wanna reprint this specifically in a Commander set just to prove 2 points:
1) How absolutely terrible this card is, from costs to effect, to MASSIVE color pie violation.
2) How absolutely NONE of that matters to the average Commander player, as Commander is the Mos Eisley of Johnny/Spikes.
Psychic Allergy is an utter mess, able to completely wreck some shit, but considering all of the enchantment hate running rampant in the format, Commander is the safest place for it. I pledged total severity in my paring down of The Reserved List, and this should show how serious I am.
{”Ooh, piece of candy!”}
Scarwood Bandits 58, downgraded from to .
Price
A conditionally evasive combat ability, paired with a conditionally effective tap ability, all on an unconditionally weak-for-its-mana-cost body. Why is this Listed again? In an artifact-heavy Standard, Scarwood Bandits would stay at its printed rarity, but most Standards aren’t all that artifact heavy now, are they?
Scarwood Bandits 58, downgraded from
to .Price
{Equivalencies}
You know the drill
Now you control that drill
Plus all of that rhystic nonsense from Prophecy.
You know the drill
Now you control that drill
Plus all of that rhystic nonsense from Prophecy.
A conditionally evasive combat ability, paired with a conditionally effective tap ability, all on an unconditionally weak-for-its-mana-cost body. Why is this Listed again? In an artifact-heavy Standard, Scarwood Bandits would stay at its printed rarity, but most Standards aren’t all that artifact heavy now, are they?
{When I look out my window…}
Must be the Season of the Witch 59
Price
Every time you see a Listed card with in its mana cost (or even just ), I want you to ask yourself if the problem is with the card itself, or the potential of casting it on turn 1 allowed by Dark Ritual.
Anyway, enough harping on that dead horse. Two Rabbits Running in a Ditch is a perfectly fine aggression inducer. Wizards is always looking for ways to encourage attacking (see Avatar of Slaughter), and it seems like such a waste to ignore this one. Then again, Wizards is also quite fond of reinventing wheels…
Must be the Season of the Witch 59
Price
Every time you see a Listed card with
in its mana cost (or even just ), I want you to ask yourself if the problem is with the card itself, or the potential of casting it on turn 1 allowed by Dark Ritual.Anyway, enough harping on that dead horse. Two Rabbits Running in a Ditch is a perfectly fine aggression inducer. Wizards is always looking for ways to encourage attacking (see Avatar of Slaughter), and it seems like such a waste to ignore this one. Then again, Wizards is also quite fond of reinventing wheels…
{Hello, Austen; I see you!}
Sorrow’s Path56
Price
This one is for you.
If only this didn’t have that last ability, it’d be an actually playable card. As it is, only the most über-min/maxing munchkin Johnnies & Jennies would even think of using it. To them I say ”You are all WEIRDOS!”
Card is infamously bad, don’t ever play it; no, not even to prove you could make it work! Treat it like you would a strange new sexual fetish: good for you that you found that out about yourself, but nobody else EVER needs to know about it!
Sorrow’s Path
Price
This one is for you.
If only this didn’t have that last ability, it’d be an actually playable card. As it is, only the most über-min/maxing munchkin Johnnies & Jennies would even think of using it. To them I say ”You are all WEIRDOS!”
Card is infamously bad, don’t ever play it; no, not even to prove you could make it work! Treat it like you would a strange new sexual fetish: good for you that you found that out about yourself, but nobody else EVER needs to know about it!
{Every page holds a month, every date a numeral.}
Stone Calendar 60
Price
Do I even need to give a single example of a cost-reducing card? Fine! I’ll just list three off the top of my head, but no links! Cloud Key, Semblance Anvil, Training Grounds. Happy? Is that enough to convince you that Stone Calendar’s List status is complete and utter bullshit?
Stone Calendar 60
Price
Do I even need to give a single example of a cost-reducing card? Fine! I’ll just list three off the top of my head, but no links! Cloud Key, Semblance Anvil, Training Grounds. Happy? Is that enough to convince you that Stone Calendar’s List status is complete and utter bullshit?
{Why in the name of Lord BelzenDethklok doesn’t this just say “fights target creature”?}
Tracker 61, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition III.
Price
Apparently, you get Gray Ogre drunk, two things happen: He becomes an ornery mean drunk3, and Wizards overreacts to all of the pubfighting, and Lists the scrawny bastard! It’s time to let him back out! He’s only a danger to himself.
Tracker 61, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition III.Price
Apparently, you get Gray Ogre drunk, two things happen: He becomes an ornery mean drunk3, and Wizards overreacts to all of the pubfighting, and Lists the scrawny bastard! It’s time to let him back out! He’s only a danger to himself.
{You’ve got…Worms! Good-bye.}
Well, where else would they be, the sky?57
Price
Tremors, Phantoms, & whatever the hell these things were.
What’s worse than RLD? Never being able to have land in the first place! Who thought this was a good idea? Srsly, whoever greenlit this card design should’ve been fired on the spot! I’d rather suffer severe enterobiasis than suffer Worms of the Earth to exist!4
Well, where else would they be, the sky?
Price
Tremors, Phantoms, & whatever the hell these things were.
What’s worse than RLD? Never being able to have land in the first place! Who thought this was a good idea? Srsly, whoever greenlit this card design should’ve been fired on the spot! I’d rather suffer severe enterobiasis than suffer Worms of the Earth to exist!4
{I think it ate the green fairy}
Wormwood Treefolk 62, downgraded from to , as per Masters Edition III.
Price
The green fairy.
Is anyone really threatened by Wormwood Treefolk? Just as a simple comparison, here’s all of the 4/4 tramplers.
Now, I run one copy of Wormwood Dryad in my Wurmcalling deck5, and while I’m in no way saying that it’s ever even won me any games, its forestwalk has proven to be occasionally helpful. Does that mean that Wormwood Treefolk would be any good in my Treefolk deck? In all likelihood, no.6 All I’m saying is that Wormwood Treefolk is a perfectly fine.
Wormwood Treefolk 62, downgraded from
to , as per Masters Edition III.Price
The green fairy.
Is anyone really threatened by Wormwood Treefolk? Just as a simple comparison, here’s all of the 4/4 tramplers.
Now, I run one copy of Wormwood Dryad in my Wurmcalling deck5, and while I’m in no way saying that it’s ever even won me any games, its forestwalk has proven to be occasionally helpful. Does that mean that Wormwood Treefolk would be any good in my Treefolk deck? In all likelihood, no.6 All I’m saying is that Wormwood Treefolk is a perfectly fine
.And that’s it for The Dark! At least it wasn’t as bad as Legends. Let’s see the tally:
• 41 cards stay on The Reserved List.
• 62 card reprinted in Standard (with, in this episode, Scarwood Bandits, Tracker, and Wormwood Treefolk all downgraded from
to ).• 26 cards reprinted in supplemental sets.
•
• And Dark Ritual added to The Reserved List, like it should’ve been done in the first place
This gives us a BSQ of 146/187, or 78.07486631016043%. Whole lotta bullshit!
Join us next week, where I’ll be showcasing my Wurmcalling deck in Tosche Station; and the week after that, when I’ll be starting on Fallen Empires’ 27 Listed cards.
Until then, with thanks to my wonderful Editor Daij_Djan, this is not Rick James, bitch, saying “Seroquel’s a hell of a drug!”
{Footnotes}
| 1 | Panorama City, CA 91402. |
| 2 | If it was, Hypnotic Specter would’ve never been banned. Turn 1 Hyppy is backbreaking, so let’s all completely ignore the thing which actually makes that possible, and ban the perfectly serviceable three-drop! |
| 3 | You know the type. The ones who pick fights with guys twice their size, and after the inevitable curb-stomping, they just won’t stay down! |
| 4 | I was originally going to say “severe testicular myiasis”, but that involves fly maggots, not worms, and we always strive for accuracy here on Tattooine! |
| 5 | Looks like I have my next deck for Tosche Station! |
| 6 | Right about now is when the Seroquel is kicking in. |