No Reservations II, pt. 3—Antiquities

{Argivian Archaeologist}

Argivian Archaeologist 21

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Before Dominaria, I prolly would’ve rated this as a supplemental reprint, but now that we’ve gone back, the option to go back again is wide open. Frankly, I’m glad, as the Archaeologist is a fine and fair . It’s not especially broken on its own, you’d hafta craft your deck around it ever so slightly at the very least, but it’s not something you’d be embarrassed to take in picks 2-4. But it’s not anything you first pick. Yes, in constructed, it can have the potential to be powerful, but that’s all down to the artifacts that are in Standard at the time. Archaeologist, in a vacuum, is fine, and we here at No Reservations believe in commuting the sentences of those cards that were imprisoned for the crimes of other cards, while they themselves did no harm.

{I think I might have attended Tawnos’ Bar Mitzvah}

Candelabra of Tawnos 33

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Just previously, I mentioned commuting sentences of cards imprisoned for the crimes of others, but in this case, the standing ruling is just. I’ve seen the shenannygoats High Tide and Academy decks can get up to. I’m told by Eternal players that High Tide remains just on the border of fringe & tier, but I know, even from just my own decks, that it’s far too easy to enable your lands to tap for multiple amounts of mana.

{Would this even be good against Affinity}

Citanul Druid 22, downgraded from to .

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This Druid is soo fringe/sideboard. If it keyed off of you casting artifact spells, I could understand WotC’s wariness. But, since it gives all the power to your opponent, it’s just not that good, especially since so few decks run enough artifacts to make this even worth it. Masters Edition IV saw fit to downgrade the rarity, and that’s good enough for me.

{I do NOT wanna be anywhere NEAR a knife that is glowing bright enough to give someone a tan}

Damping Field 23

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Why is Damping Field even on The List? Seriously, someone please tell me, because I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure it out. It looks like an answer card for all them Moxen, even if it’s not a very good one. Shouldn’t the answers to a format’s woes be readily available? Is there some deck in Magic’s past I’m unaware of that broke Damping Field in half? I’m tempted to downgrade its rarity, but then I remember that it’s a little too narrow, a little too expensive, and thus, not all that good, all qualities you DON’T want in a .

{The only Treefolk to wear armor}

Which makes it a pussy 24, downgraded from to .

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You remember all my arguments against Citanul Druid’s Listing? They still stand for Gaea’s Avenger. The only difference is Commander, where as near as everyone as makes no difference plays artifacts, so the Avenger can get respectably big. Although, with a lack of trample or other form of evasion, I still doubt that this is any good. Yet another downgrading supported by Masters Edition IV

{It’s a spookycat}

Gate to Phyrexia 10

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I feel a need to break from the established format for Gate to Phyrexia, as it’s rather an odd duck. First off, if you take a look here, you’ll see that monoblack isn’t really all that adept at destroying artifacts. There’s a reason for this: Black is all about Power; locating it, identifying it, acquiring it, and holding it. Black does NOT want to destroy the all-powerful relic, even if doing so would save Black’s life, as the relinquishment of Power is as anathema to Black as altruism.



Of the 11 cards in the provided list, only Gate to Phyrexia and Phyrexian Tribute are monoblack, which means that the artifact destruction portions of all of the other cards come from their other colors. This means that both Gate and Tribute are color bends, both mechanically and (moreso) philosophically, at the very least.



Another reason for my cautiousness arises from the dual facts of the actual Gate to Phyrexia being such an important part of the history of both the storyline and the game, and the fact that what Gate to Phyrexia does isn’t really something that Phyrexians would do. They turn flesh into metal, and metal into flesh. Does that sound like they are destroying artifacts to you? This disconnect makes Gate to Phyrexia, in addition to being a mechanical color bend and a philosophy break, a flavor fail.



It is for these reasons that I can’t in good conscience reprint Gate to Phyrexia for Standard. However, it’s just enough of a utility card to escape The Pile of Abortive Mistakes, so as a monoblack answer to artifacts, it’s bound to find some home with a supplemental reprinting.

{See my review of City in a Bottle}

Golgothian Sylex 34

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Yet another heavy-handed early Magic attempt at answer cards. “What if there’s a card or two in this set that’s too good?” “I know, let’s include a card that nukes the entire set?!” “Genius!”



Additionally, this is yet another card that uses our-plane references in a somewhat culturally insensitive manner. Just because a religion is the dominant norm in your local hemisphere, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also pay it the respect it deserves. Golgotha was and is an important part of the Resurrection story, so maybe those in charge of names, flavortext, and story at the time should’ve gone with a neologism instead.

{This is why you don’t invite necromancers to Chili Night}

Haunting Wind 25

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Why is this even Listed? Antiquities had 85 cards in it (shockingly small, I know), of which 44 are artifacts. Ok, so a major theme in a numerically VERY minor set, but is Listing a more nuanced hate card than the Sylex¹ really what is best for this game?



Let’s examine Modern for a bit. Affinity/Robots/Ravager, whatever you wanna call it, usually wins by turn 4, so this wouldn’t even be all that effective against the only archetype in the format against which this card would be used! I’m willing to bet that the situation would be similar for Vintage & Legacy as well. But Standard? This would be a FINE card for Standard.

{I love the Bodyguard trope as represented in card form}

Martyrs of Korlis 26

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A 1/6 for is a little under the rate we’re used to nowadays, but it’s still serviceable, even if the ability is fringe in all but the heaviest of artifact-saturated formats. This would be a decent, if slightly underwhelming, reprint for Standard.

{Urza was a total dick}

Mightstone 27, downgraded from to .

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Neither Mightstone nor Weakstone have been worth running since just after their printing. Considering their combined importance to the story, and the supposed fantastical powers they were supposed to contain therein, their actual cards are complete and total disappointments. Draft chaff categorically does NOT belong on The Reserved List!

{You Shops players know what you’re doing is wrong, just admit it!}

Mishra’s Workshop 35

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Dr. Garfield had the right idea when he created the limits of the mana system: one land per turn, and only on your turn. These limits ensured that the game has a natural progression—you start out weak, but with time, and RNGeesus’ favor, you can become an all-powerful archmagus, able to shape reality itself to your very whim. This is all very well and good, but you know what causes problems? When that mana system is subverted. This is Rule #1, class: DON’T SUBVERT THE MANA SYSTEM! As you will see time and time again throughout Magic’s history, the game breaks down when the designers & developers violate Rule #1.



That’s not a restriction on Mishra’s Workshop, it’s deckbuilding advice. Dark Ritual broke Rule #1 first, but the Shop is repeatable. Y’know what? I should just correct this other mistake right now. Dark Ritual should’ve been Listed, or at the very least, banned. #HippyDidNothingWrong. Workshop is broken, and we all know it.

{Didn’t I see a similar scene in Shooting Fish?}

Power Artifact 28, upgraded from to .

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For reference.



Not much to say, really. It has potential to be horribly overpowered, but the fact that it’s an Aura opens up one for 2-for-1 blowouts, which is a nice bit of self-regulation of its power level. Equipment make this much more amazing than it was before they existed, which is why I agree with Masters Edition IV, and that’s about it.

{See my review of Haunting Wind}

Powerleech 29

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Everything I said about Haunting Wind applies to Powerleech.

{Su-Mocchi²}

Su-Chi 30

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Have I made a strong enough case for de-Listing Su-Chi yet?

{It’s just wrong that they didn’t go with the proper s-apostrophe punctuation}

Tawnos’s Coffin 36

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Look, I get what the Coffin and Oubliette were trying to do, but they’re both instances of conversational language not really translating to Magic-rules-ese. Besides, we have Banishing Light and its ilk, we don’t really need Abby Sciutto’s bed or a Labyrinth reference.

{Oh, MaRo; when will you learn?}

Transmute Artifact 31, upgraded from to . ←What?! How could this be?!!!

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I’m just as shocked as you all are. Surely⁴ the Gatherer text is too voluminous to fit on a card!







Y’see, the thing of it is, Transmute Artifact IS the fixed version of itself. By only ever allowing an equal or lesser exchange, broken things are, if not eliminated entirely, then, at the very least, severely curtailed. It’s only when you are allowed to go up in mana cost, like with Eldritch Evolution, and Pod before it, but ESPECIALLY Tinker, that things truly get out of hand.



In his quest for elegance, MaRo managed to remove all the rules text necessary to keep Transmute Artifact in check, thereby breaking Rule #1. We’ll cover even more times MaRo made this exact same mistake when we get to The Skull. Another rarity regrading, courtesy of Masters Edition IV.



So, yes, I would like to see what Transmute Artifact could be capable of in Standard, but only in a Standard with, at most, a medium-level of artifact saturation. Let’s not go completely around the bend, I’m still aware of the still-massive potential for shenanigans, or even shenannygoats (shenannygoats=shenanigans to the power of 2 to 10).

{So I guess Urza saw himself as the Pope}

Urza’s Miter see below

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Gods, the more I learn about Urza, the more I come to see his war with the Phyrexians as Donald Trump as our last, best hope against The Borg!



I’m having a hard time deciding where to put this stupid⁵ hat, either here, here, or here, because it sure as hell doesn’t belong on The List. If I reprint it for Standard, it’d just be yet another craprare that nobody wants. If I reprint it in a supplemental set, it’d still prolly be yet another craprare, but there’s still a chance that SOME strange person would put it into their Commander deck or something. I mean, it’s probably so expensive and badly restrictive that it should be relegated to the garbagepile we don’t ever talk about, but there’s always the “Challenge Accepted” Johnnies/Jennies. You know the ones, those hideously, adorably insane Munchkins who’ve made it their lives’ goals to actually make Sorrow’s Path good in a deck!







I think my prior ruling should stand. 12

{We need a Superdickery for Urza}

Weakstone 32

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What kind of a dick⁶ tells his brother, “This is the Mightstone, and it’s mine; you can have the Weakstone.”, and then turns around and starts coveting the Weakstone?



Anyway, what I said about Mightstone still holds for Weakstone

{Footnotes}

¹Now THAT’S a low bar to clear!



²Problem, Magic players?



³If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.



⁴And don’t call me Shirley.



⁵Link NSFW.



⁶From here on out, I think it’s safe to assume that with any question about Magic lore that begins “What kind of a dick”, the answer is ALWAYS Urza!